My Depression Connection Question of the Week!

Hi Rose,

You are so well spoken and I know from your posts that you are very well read!  I am sorry for the disrespect from your family.  Hurts, huh?  The difficult part to remember is that it is their ignorance and lack of compassion and that is so selfish!  I have a very wealthy brother who has his own depression problem (well hid), does the country club scene, etc.  I make sure I never bring up the word "depression" because I don't want them to perceive that I may struggle with it, and not keep their respect.  Isn't that awful.  It's like trying to fit in their box when I'm around them.  And really, I think I'm disrespecting myself when I do that.  Your family is labeling you, like you said, but really, Rose, you are so much more authentic than they are, and I found, that around "uppity" people, I feel so vulnerable.  I don't see my family much at all because my husband and I live a long distance from all of them.  Selfish, but after I've seen them, I feel good going back to my own territory without them.  I wish it weren't that way, but that sums it all up!

I wish you the best as you work to find the best way within yourself to work this out.

Gina

rose you are the real deal. i'd rather deal with real folks than uppity, plastic, phonie joanies!

Thanks so much Joanni - your feedback like the previous one has helped me coz sometimes i just feel 'Is itme?' 'Am i a horrible person?' and when youre in a Depression the answer is invariably yes. thanks again for your support

hi rose i'm janet i was just using an expression phonie joanie & you got to calling me joanie.no biggie hun.have a nice day

OOPs Janet ! its the tabs ! sorry bout that

Manythanks for your kind words. I can totall understand why you and your husband like to get away. I didnt tell my 'family' about the awful depression and it was thru this website that I decided to 'come out' and explain to them. You are so right, we disprespect ourselves by allowing ourselves be disrespected. Fitting into their box , speaking about thing They find interesting, Exotic holidays that Weve never had, all very on the surface and superficial. Im not a respector of wealth and dont  feel in awe of it, Ijust find that when youre senstive and not 'out there' earning and achieving materially etc that in certain families and circles youre seen as a loser hence what you have to say or add t oa conversation isnt really important to them. thats the logical side but the little inner child still feels like Cinderella and very excluded and unloved.

Disrespect is dreadful in any shape or form.  Another factor for the Site, If you make a complaint about a doctor and its a physical illness [negligence] youre taken seriously here in this Country, if however, you wish to change from one Psychiatrist whose obviously not very good, because you have a 'psychiatric condition' people in the Hospitals can be extremely condescending. I had that experience personally and went onn Radio about it.

rose,

You see just fine. Your family may never come around, but being open like you are here

makes you a stronger you.

Sorry I dont want to Hog this Question of the Week Post so can i just say a big thank you to all who went the trouble of writing here to give me support, its meant so much to me, thanks for taking the time and trouble to write.

AHHHHHH!

There...I was screaming for you.  Geez oh man...what horrid comments to make to you!  Seriously...there is no call for what they said.  And to ignore you...that is the deepest cut of all.  I am so sorry Rose.

I think a lot of us feel this anxiety and pressure and also depression right before the holidays because...we know we have to face family.  And for some of us...our families may have a definite um...toxic side to them. 

I do believe that we create our own "family" with friends...people we trust...people who will be kind to us.  Some of us have to...for survival.

Maybe we can have a virtual holiday here.  A time to make merry with kindred spirits.  Just an idea I just thought of...

Wish I could give you a hug.  (((Rose)))

"They are stuck in their normalcy"...I like that.  Yeah...how true.  For all of us really.  We get stuck in our heads...because this is the only world we know.  We can't truly walk in someone else's shoes no matter how much we want to.

Thank you as always for your insights...you have true wisdom!

When it comes to depression I usually can put up with other's being disrespectful unless they are gloating in it. What I do not like is the "trust" that is being disrespected.  The trust is not there. I realize that my past may contribute to that but when someone intentionally betray's you that is what hurts.

Hi Marlene!

Yeah this is a good point.  Trust.  You trust and expect people to be nice or at least neutral...but when you get a kick in the butt...when you are already down...it just hurts all the more.

Dear Judy,  what a wonderful posting on Disrespect. I would love to say to you that your experience in the workplace was sad, awful but unusual, unfortunately, its not.

Youre a highly intelligent,intuitive, efficient and articulate person, probably could have done the bosses job too! How convenient for the that you were 'Slightly mad' or 'weak' I worked for a huge Govt.Body here. I always felt truth is best. I told them that I was on antidepressants and would need an afternoon off once every 2wks to see him and would make up the hours [we had flexi time anyway]. From that day on, the whole situation changed judy. I could feel the disrespect, the conversations that stopped when i entered a room, the lunches I wasnt invited to join. I eventually left, a great pensionable job. I found out that any type of 'emotional Distress' is perceived as a weakness. Most of my workmates were budding alchoholics who used drink to ease their obvious stress, but thats socially acceptabe. Depression and Mental problems is not acceptable, its feared -might be contageous. I dont tell friends except for 2 who suffer themselves. Ive learnt its better not to. Sad - But true.

Oh Judy...You have been through so much from family...and then work.  I understand about the work part...I have been in that situation too...you feel like...how can I possibly give this up after I have invested so much time here? 

The feeling invisible...yeah...I can relate.  It seems unbelievable that in this day and time...when so many people suffer from depression...we see ads for antidepressants all the time on tv...it is talked about by famous people...yet...there is still a stigma.  Many do not want to talk about it or see it as some character flaw.

A time when I felt particularly disrespected was...when I had a miscarriage and...I was also having trouble at work...with family...it was a horrible time for me.  I was struggling to maintain my sanity...but breaking down at work.  I was put on an antidepressant and...I was angry about it because I wanted to keep trying to have a baby.  When I saw my doctor and also my gynecologist and explained how I did not want to be on an antidepressant for long...because I wanted to try again it was like...I became a child.  I was told this wasn't a good idea and...maybe sometime in the future I could try again and I got so angry.  Of course I would wait until I felt better but...I was definitely treated differently because I was depressed and taking medication for it.  There was this air of...I didn't know how to make my own decisions.

I will never forget that time.  I felt...less than.  And it definitely contributed to my depression. 

I am sure all of us can relate stories about this feeling.

Dear Lyra, youre a warrior, a fighter, the condescending condolences are just ignorance really and embarrassment. The 'Work harder' or 'try and be positive' or 'there are people in hospital dying' is common and disrespectful and it not only denies our Real Pain and Mental Anguish, it presumes to know the levels of our pain and how difficult it can be just to exist day to day.  We on site know how strong you are, i certainly do, youre a true warrior.  Lyra the saying Those that matter dont mind and those that mind dont matter comes t mind.

Hi Lyra!

I think I will print out your comment here and post it to my wall...when I am feeling bad I will look at it.

I really hope that we have made this a community where everyone does feel safe and able to share in a way that maybe they cannot do otherwise.  Yes...respect is so important and...this is something we are giving each other when sometimes the world does not.  Let this place be a safe refuge. 

I am sorry your mom did that to you...I can see where you would be hurt.  And people telling you to try harder or think more positively...bah humbug.  You are trying...and many people cannot see this but know that we can.  I totally get how hard you are trying each and every day.

Thanks for being such a vital part of our community here.  We need you.

Really?  That is a doctor seuss quote?  I did not know that.  Smart man he was. 

I feel at times I have a sign on my head, "please poop on me...go ahead...I won't mind."

I just cannot get over people who purposefully go out of their way to try to humiliate, one up you, or try to diminish you so that they can feel better about themselves.  And then get rewarded for it.  It kills me when I see someone who is clearly a jerk who gets over because they are like eddie haskell...smiling as they stick it to you.  Other people are fooled and think they are great!  Childhood bullies are alive and well...they transform into skillful and even more manipulative adult versions.  They have had years to perfect their talents.  At least in grade school you might have had the option of going all " Ralphie from the christmas story" on them and giving them the butt whooping they deserve.

sorry...for the vent. 

Anyways...we are not defective.  We are just human.  Thanks for your comment.

I always like what you write, MM. That was just a little vent, I might not have noticed

if you hadn't pointed it out. The adult bullies can't out last innocent goodness. Love always wins in the end. Kinda like rain off a duck's back, when you get the hang of it(not that I know much about it!). A nap really helps in that department, too.

Innocent goodness...love... rain...ducks...naps...this all sounds great! 

I really want to believe good wins out in the end.  Call me a naive romantic.  I guess I am kinda like charlie brown...I will probably always try to kick the football before it is snatched away.

Foolish or hopeful?  I dunno.

Janet. you are proof that good things also happen on 9/11. You hang in here.

thank you paul from 1 who didn't want to face today

Oh my...I am so sorry.  I had read an article about this very thing.  Your birthday was just your birthday until...that horrible trauma happened. 

May I say Happy Birthday anyway?  I hope you still get to celebrate it. 

sure ya can say happy birthday just don't discuss planes crashing,where you were on9/11/01,the pentagon,twin towers, you get the idea.i got to pizza hut yesterday.p'zone was beautiful & sharing that with my honey & his little pizza was great.best pizza & p'zone i'd had in i don't know how long. yum yum!!!!!!!