Hi everybody!
Are you ready for some good conversation?
I am thinking of Rodney Dangerfield and his mantra of "I get no respect, no respect at all." I think of the issues that comes up for people who have depression is the notion of respect within their relationships and connections with others. There are many people who suffer from depression who may feel that they are disrespected by others. The reason could vary from being shy, fearing confrontations, having been a victim of abuse, and so forth.
Some people might feel that because they are depressed...that others may treat them with more disrespect than not.
Respect is important in how you feel about yourself and how others treat you. When people are disrespectful to you...it can injure your self esteem and be a catalyst for depression.
So let's talk about this. What does respect mean for you? How do you know if someone is being disrespectful and how do you handle that?
Personally I am fine about handling overt disrespect...like someone cussing or things like that to my face. It is the Victorian era type of sly underhandedness where the person is smiling as they stab you in the back...that I have the most problems with. I cannot deal with fake people.
How about you? What are your thoughts about respect? Do you feel that people who are depressed have a more difficult time with this issue?
What was actually happening, as I discovered in retrospect, was that my small work group was a replication of my childhood family, so going to work every day was like triggering PTSD. I'm sure some of my negative thinking was irrational, but when it came down to my last year there, I was the only one excluded from department meetings, yet expected to be responsible for things that were discussed only in those meetings but not communicated to me. I thought I was really going crazy at times because most of them avoided me and sometimes didn't speak to me for days at a time. The job I once loved became totally unbearable for the last 12 years I was there. Why did I stay so long? Maybe you've heard of "golden handcuffs." I had too many years there to throw away a decent retirement and too old and lacking enough education to get a job anywhere else in the company. I don't know if I've yet made peace with it because I still feel very bitter and won't set foot in the place again if I don't have to.
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Dear Merely Me
Yes, definitely, I do believe that in many family dynamics, the person who suffers with Depression, and the side effects that can ensue - loss of job, mood swings,lack of confidence. Can lead to people with Depression being treated as 2ndClass people of a lesser God. I find that people are respectful of me in the main but my family members whom I dont see that often, are disrespectful, its in a very insideous way, like say at Christmas, [one of the few times I see them]. they will be discussing something at the table. I will chip in. I consider myself fairly well read, invariably i will be ignored. Recently Is sent emails to my only remaining family, a nice email to all, outlining that I suffered from bad depressions that had blighted my childhood and life. I thought Ishould come out of the closet. I said that I was on antidepressants. I didnt get the Dignity of a reply, i felt embarrassed, humiliated and disrespected.
My family members would know that i spent time in hospital and suffer from'Nerves' and in my presence there have been comments about people being on 'Happy Pills' and my cousin who lives near once said 'Oh, we could all get depressed if we wanted'. This is absolutely disrespectful to me and it disregards me as a genuine and credible human being. OF course Im flawed. But Im worthy of respect. People with Depression are seen as Weak human beings, people with no courage,lazy, losers. In my presence, there have been comments made about people whove had breakdowns or are very depressed and its always in a sort 'arent they pathetic ' sort of mode.
I dread Christmas because Im never asked 'how are you?' im taken to somebodys house for the Day. theyre all high achievers and wealthy, theres lots of lovely prada handbags and clothes and one trying to outdo the other with presents. I feel very alone and I feel like screaming inside. I dread it. I feel definitely that Depression seems to be a red light for people thinking youre a push over, somebody whose views arent worth merit. I have to finish by saying, I have a particularly bad family in so much as my mother and siblings are in England and I only have my mothers sisters children here who live nearby, know I suffer but never pop in, I think Im fun and i always try and enter their world for the Day. I inevitably become dreadfully depressed around the end of october, start of November, Disrespect or the apprehension of it, for me brings on Depression. Ive found this posting very emotional and upsetting so sorry for rambling on, Its really brought home to me, just how much disrespect ive been putting up with. unjustified.
Hi Rose,
You are so well spoken and I know from your posts that you are very well read! I am sorry for the disrespect from your family. Hurts, huh? The difficult part to remember is that it is their ignorance and lack of compassion and that is so selfish! I have a very wealthy brother who has his own depression problem (well hid), does the country club scene, etc. I make sure I never bring up the word "depression" because I don't want them to perceive that I may struggle with it, and not keep their respect. Isn't that awful. It's like trying to fit in their box when I'm around them. And really, I think I'm disrespecting myself when I do that. Your family is labeling you, like you said, but really, Rose, you are so much more authentic than they are, and I found, that around "uppity" people, I feel so vulnerable. I don't see my family much at all because my husband and I live a long distance from all of them. Selfish, but after I've seen them, I feel good going back to my own territory without them. I wish it weren't that way, but that sums it all up!
I wish you the best as you work to find the best way within yourself to work this out.
Gina
rose you are the real deal. i'd rather deal with real folks than uppity, plastic, phonie joanies!
rose,
You see just fine. Your family may never come around, but being open like you are here
makes you a stronger you.
Manythanks for your kind words. I can totall understand why you and your husband like to get away. I didnt tell my 'family' about the awful depression and it was thru this website that I decided to 'come out' and explain to them. You are so right, we disprespect ourselves by allowing ourselves be disrespected. Fitting into their box , speaking about thing They find interesting, Exotic holidays that Weve never had, all very on the surface and superficial. Im not a respector of wealth and dont feel in awe of it, Ijust find that when youre senstive and not 'out there' earning and achieving materially etc that in certain families and circles youre seen as a loser hence what you have to say or add t oa conversation isnt really important to them. thats the logical side but the little inner child still feels like Cinderella and very excluded and unloved.
Disrespect is dreadful in any shape or form. Another factor for the Site, If you make a complaint about a doctor and its a physical illness [negligence] youre taken seriously here in this Country, if however, you wish to change from one Psychiatrist whose obviously not very good, because you have a 'psychiatric condition' people in the Hospitals can be extremely condescending. I had that experience personally and went onn Radio about it.
Thanks so much Joanni - your feedback like the previous one has helped me coz sometimes i just feel 'Is itme?' 'Am i a horrible person?' and when youre in a Depression the answer is invariably yes. thanks again for your support
Sorry I dont want to Hog this Question of the Week Post so can i just say a big thank you to all who went the trouble of writing here to give me support, its meant so much to me, thanks for taking the time and trouble to write.
hi rose i'm janet i was just using an expression phonie joanie & you got to calling me joanie.no biggie hun.have a nice day
OOPs Janet ! its the tabs ! sorry bout that
AHHHHHH!
There...I was screaming for you. Geez oh man...what horrid comments to make to you! Seriously...there is no call for what they said. And to ignore you...that is the deepest cut of all. I am so sorry Rose.
I think a lot of us feel this anxiety and pressure and also depression right before the holidays because...we know we have to face family. And for some of us...our families may have a definite um...toxic side to them.
I do believe that we create our own "family" with friends...people we trust...people who will be kind to us. Some of us have to...for survival.
Maybe we can have a virtual holiday here. A time to make merry with kindred spirits. Just an idea I just thought of...
Wish I could give you a hug. (((Rose)))