My Depression Connection Question of the Week!

Janet,

Thanks for sharing here so deeply about your pain. Sometimes I also feel like God is the only one keeping me going and I'm sure that is true, but I've also learned to just sit and let what happens happen. That's when I find my mind still works, the crud just washes away. "He doesn't make junk!" You have a profound purpose only you can discover by 

living each day to your best. He's not pushy, but he is faithfully present.

Hi Janet

Can we help in some way?  Your words are so full of pain.  I agree with your other commenter that you do have purpose and meaning to your life.  You are here for a reason.  I hope my words don't come across as empty plattitudes...because I really believe these things to be true.  Some days it is really hard to find that reason but it is there.  There is no shame in leaning on others during these bad times.  Please do keep reaching out here.  You are in our thoughts.

i've got a suicidal friend & i can't seem to help her & i'm not sure when she goes to  sleep she's going to wake up.it's dragging me down & she's in this house. i gave her the suicide hotline no. i try to talk to her but she just wants to be left alone & i don't want to tick her off.she's got a TEMPER .it makes me feel useless & worthless to not be able to help her.i can pray but that is all.

This is beautiful Judy.

I follow the same belief system as you do.  I would love to hear more about your guardian angels.  One of the best books I have ever read is called, "Expecting Adam" by Martha Beck and she writes on the topic of angels in such a way that...well you just have to read the book. 

I believe we are here for a reason too and sometimes we don't know what that reason is...especially when we are depressed but...it does come to you at some point...hopefully. 

How did your family get together go?  Did you survive?

Thank you as always for your wonderful and insightful words.

Hi KJ!

I have not been over to the MS site...I will have to mosey on over soon.  How are you doing?  How are your symptoms?

I cannot even imagine what you must have gone through to lose your wife at such a young age.  That is just such a terrible loss.  Your life is a testament to resilience...that you started anew and have a family who loves and cares for you. 

Thank you for stopping by to comment!

Hi Merely Me,

I'm doing so/so. I'm feeling well mostly. A little weak in my legs and a bit shakier than usual. I had the weird feeling of drops of cold water on my head and back earlier this evening. (That's something I haven't experienced in a very long time.) The docs are going to increase the dosage of tremor medicine and I hope that will help a little. I go in for my first lumbar puncture next Tuesday.

I had a bit of a justifiable temper tantrum at the VA hospital today. I've been trying to get a copy of my medical records since May with little success. They actually "lost" a set of my medical records! Now they are saying that the machine they have that makes copies of MRI and CT scan pictures has been broken for TWO MONTHS! After going over those problems with the Patient Advocate, I went up to the Sleep Clinic to see about adjusting the CPAP mask I use to sleep with. I was basically called stupid by the technician up there for only bringing in the mask and not the whole machine. In order to avoid a shouting match I just walked out on him (without getting my problem looked at). I like my neurologist and psychological trauma group is first rate, but other than that the VA has been a big disappointment lately.

Hey...a lumbar puncture...wow.  That is some test I hear.  I chose not to have one done.  Look at the MS site for tips...I sure hope someone has written about it.  I believe there are things you can do to lessen the chance for pain after. 

I am so sorry you are having a hard time with your other medical stuff.  Your MRI's should be on computer disc...that is horrible that they are messing up like that.

I do hope you get some solid answers soon.  You have been through hell and back just trying to get a dang diagnosis. 

Let us know how Tuesday goes for you...

The lumbar puncture wasn't too bad. It hurt while she was drawing the fluid, and it hurt when she removed the needle, but I only have a little headache now that it's over. I won't have any results for about a week. I'll let you know what I find out.

KJ

Oh Paul...what a delightful response!

Yes all of these things can be like buoys (did I spell that right?) in the water.  Friends, family, connection, nature.  And I love that last part...curiosity to see what happens next. 

Just think...what comes next might be some life changing really good thing!  You never know.

Thank you as always for your contributions here.  You make a difference!

Oops!  I never answered your question.  Okay...when I asked this question originally I was in a funk.  I was wondering myself.  But...my belief that I am here for a reason....that life is a precious gift and that joy can be found.  Hope keeps me going that...it can get better.  My kids...family....keep me going.  Friendship...connection....the sharing of both the sorrows and the joys.  The seasons...keep me going.  I want to be around to see them change.  Wow...it is something...I am feeling much better just writing this out. 

Oh...and chocolate brownies.  with icing. 

Hiyah Fifi!

It is good to see you too!  I have passed along the troubles you are having to management...it seems you are not the only one having these issues.

IS ANYONE ELSE HAVING TROUBLE WITH THEIR E-MAIL NOTIFICATIONS?  if so I want to pass along the information.  Please know that I am voicing your concerns!  I so want to get these tech bugs fixed. 

Okay...now back to our discussion.  I agree that it sometimes is just the simple things that keep us going...that tea sounds really good right now. 

Hi Pat!

This is such a nice comment...but you are doing things you can be proud of...like helping others on this site.  I do hope there will come a day when you will be rid of your medical issues.  You have been working really hard to overcome all that you have to deal with.  Many kudos to you!

I think you have summed up what Freud has said about the purpose of life...love and work.  I am glad you have found meaning and purpose despite the challenges and pain in your life. 

Thank you so much for your comment.

Awww...that is so special Martha!  Yes children and grandchildren are wonderful aren't they?  My two boys are my world!

I am able to wake up each day in my right mind, and so many people are not.  I look at my mom and many of her friends who are now riddled with Alzheimers, her brother who was a doctor now has alzeheimers they were a well educated group of people.  But I am thankful that I have my right mind.  I am thankful for the good as well as the bad.  Those of us with MS we have each other that is a great thing, we hold each other up.  Yes we get down, but just as soon as one of us falls, there is 1000 of us to pick that one up.  sherry/smomdukes

That is really a nice thought Sherry...you are so right about us MSers...we stick together.  I am really glad you are around.  You are very special!

I really like your answers...they are honest and genuine.

Right...you gotta fill up those empty spaces with the good stuff...hope that things can change. 

Would love to hear about the small changes you are making...I bet they are adding up to something big.

You hang in there...you are courageous in your efforts. 

What would be the best day of your life? Can you imagine it? What would happen...where you would be....what you would do....from the moment you woke up to the moment you went to sleep....who you would meet....what you would say....what the weather would be like....

If you can. Then perhaps you can start to do some of those things until one day you've done them all!

A thing I do is to list 20 things I want to do or achieve however small or however big. Then when I feel the depression coming along I look at my list and pick one to do. If I find I don't want to do any of those things that day I find I can usually think of something I do want to do....the key here is what I WANT to do. It cheers me up and I feel good about myself.

What do you think?

Hypno

Hi Amy!

If you could tell us more about any technical problems you are having with the site...it would be much appreciated.  I am trying to pass along any member comments to the management so that these bugs can be fixed.

I love your answer...you are quite the writer...very genuine and thoughtful.  I do hope you come back to the site to share more of your experiences.  Your comment is much appreciated.

I am not receiving weekly posts. I am not sure what the problem is. I have to go to the commentary I received from the site from my posts & click on that to enter the site. Doesn't the site send out a weekly response or am I performing okay?

I am also enclosing something that I require some insight or help with. I feel that just when I am feeling better or more balanced, centered & positive my living arrangement undercuts me. I want to cite several examples below:

I have some unique challenges facing me. I reside in a city in small quarters with a husband who I find very difficult at times.

1-He interrupted me when I was talking to a real estate man outside on Downey to stop me from talking; he thought I was saying more than I needed to. It was his form of a control mechanism where he says my name while I am talking to stop me. This is not a first, but, it has been a little while anyway since he did it.

2-He criticized me for “worrying about inconsequential items” that he felt indicated paranoia. Today, he ranted for 20 minutes about my paranoia because I wanted to cover the glass  blocks in the bathroom; I felt uncomfortable since there was a home about 3 feet on the other side with a window directly opposite in which I can see lights at night. The toilet is directly in front of the glass blocks…(we just moved into this flat) & one must walk to the shower in front of the glass blocks because it is a very small bathroom. Everything is done in front of the glass blocks. He states that my thoughts are “irrational” & that I do not need to cover the blocks. He ranted for 20 minutes & then, started again later when I brought up that “I was uncomfortable” with the setting & that should matter.

3. After this happened, he exploded when I went to order the sandwich we would split & it arrived with tomatoes on it. He was irate & spewing. He said I had ordered something I knew he would not eat. He did not even give me a chance to take the tomatoes off & make it edible for him. I love tomatoes & planned to simply place them all on my part of the sandwich. He erupted there at the restaurant. For the record, I have always considered him when I order a sandwich for him.

I am having a tough time dealing.

Your husband has really disturbed me.  Let me explaine that I have not been in the greates relationships and some have been.

There is never anything WRONG with how you feel.  If you want to cover the damn window, then what is the big deal.  If it does not bother him, but bothers you.....why cause a fuss for just covering it.  It you bought something that was not to his liking, then he should have went and got it.  There are just some people out there that like to control.

How long have you been together? 

You are your own person, DON'T give yourself up, don't loose your opinions or your back bone.  His tempertantrums are is problem. 

I have a friend that at times when I'm rambling on will make a comment about what I'm talking about, basicaly saying he has no interest.  I told him to try to be polite and shut up and just listen like I do him a majority of the time.  Now I am the most non-confontational person in the world.  I get my feelings hurt very easy and arguing makes me a nervouse wreck, but I will be respected and if I have to get ugly sometimes to get it, then so be it.  Keep being you and tell him that he needs to accept it.

I am not receiving weekly posts. I am not sure what the problem is. I have to go to the commentary I received from the site from my posts & click on that to enter the site. Doesn't the site send out a weekly response or am I performing okay?

I am also enclosing something that I require some insight or help with. I feel that just when I am feeling better or more balanced, centered & positive my living arrangement undercuts me. I want to cite several examples below:

I have some unique challenges facing me. I reside in a city in small quarters with a husband who I find very difficult at times.

1-He interrupted me when I was talking to a real estate man outside on Downey to stop me from talking; he thought I was saying more than I needed to. It was his form of a control mechanism where he says my name while I am talking to stop me. This is not a first, but, it has been a little while anyway since he did it.

2-He criticized me for “worrying about inconsequential items” that he felt indicated paranoia. Today, he ranted for 20 minutes about my paranoia because I wanted to cover the glass  blocks in the bathroom; I felt uncomfortable since there was a home about 3 feet on the other side with a window directly opposite in which I can see lights at night. The toilet is directly in front of the glass blocks…(we just moved into this flat) & one must walk to the shower in front of the glass blocks because it is a very small bathroom. Everything is done in front of the glass blocks. He states that my thoughts are “irrational” & that I do not need to cover the blocks. He ranted for 20 minutes & then, started again later when I brought up that “I was uncomfortable” with the setting & that should matter.

3. After this happened, he exploded when I went to order the sandwich we would split & it arrived with tomatoes on it. He was irate & spewing. He said I had ordered something I knew he would not eat. He did not even give me a chance to take the tomatoes off & make it edible for him. I love tomatoes & planned to simply place them all on my part of the sandwich. He erupted there at the restaurant. For the record, I have always considered him when I order a sandwich for him.

I am having a tough time dealing.

Dear Merely Me, and all reading this, and those on the site who may be too depressed at the moment to come on the site..             Im writing this past midnight. Today was a very bad day. I couldnot see a way out, [bear with me, coz its relevant to the question]. I looked back on my life since childhood,5yrs of age, Anxiety disorder, phobia, timid, not having friends, being awkward, shy, not being bright in class or any good at games. Then the Abuse, not being able to keep down jobs. Living alone and having come way down in the world [Huge Recession here too] and living in Government housing and all that entails. Today I just saw black, no selfHelp Books would help, Couldnt even read, looked out, a few days of Sun had brought poppies and flowers out, no joy from them ! I felt old [58], no family, no kids, desparately alone and the future bleak. This wasnt self-pity, if it was Id admit it. No  community where I live, not able to get out of bed, literally. I had to pull myself out.  What gave me the drive to keep going? Well GOD, a belief that I was put on earth for a reason, that he loves me. Although when were depressed we sorta shut down from feelings of love , even from God. I felt if I commited Suicide, it would be the ultimate insult to God. I sent some emails. Nobody receiving my emails would know how I felt, Why should I dump on them? I just kept saying 'God help me please'. God keeps me going, a belief that I was put here for a purpose [even if I dont know it].  That he is the supreme healer.   That sayings like 'THIS TOO SHALL PASS' are actually true. also 'FEELINGS ARENT FACTS' So feeling worthless,useless, ugly, fat, desparately lonely and isolated living alone and having no job doesnt make me BAD.

ONE DAY AT A TIME... WHEN THINGS GET REALLY BAD....ONE HOUR AT A TIME... SUICIDAL... ONE HALF HOUR AT A TIME.   These really really work.

So Merely Me, what keeps me going? On days like  this, the above sayings, and God, and time, and the fact that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  wonderful people on this site like snomdukes who fights m.s. as well as depression, and everyone on this site who climbs the hill daily.    Oh ! I forgot, that famous line from vivian leigh in 'Gone with the wind' -  TOMMOROW IS ANOTHER DAY ! NIGHT EVERYONE.

Dear Merely Me, and all reading this, and those on the site who may be too depressed at the moment to come on the site..             Im writing this past midnight. Today was a very bad day. I couldnot see a way out, [bear with me, coz its relevant to the question]. I looked back on my life since childhood,5yrs of age, Anxiety disorder, phobia, timid, not having friends, being awkward, shy, not being bright in class or any good at games. Then the Abuse, not being able to keep down jobs. Living alone and having come way down in the world [Huge Recession here too] and living in Government housing and all that entails. Today I just saw black, no selfHelp Books would help, Couldnt even read, looked out, a few days of Sun had brought poppies and flowers out, no joy from them ! I felt old [58], no family, no kids, desparately alone and the future bleak. This wasnt self-pity, if it was Id admit it. No  community where I live, not able to get out of bed, literally. I had to pull myself out.  What gave me the drive to keep going? Well GOD, a belief that I was put on earth for a reason, that he loves me. Although when were depressed we sorta shut down from feelings of love , even from God. I felt if I commited Suicide, it would be the ultimate insult to God. I sent some emails. Nobody receiving my emails would know how I felt, Why should I dump on them? I just kept saying 'God help me please'. God keeps me going, a belief that I was put here for a purpose [even if I dont know it].  That he is the supreme healer.   That sayings like 'THIS TOO SHALL PASS' are actually true. also 'FEELINGS ARENT FACTS' So feeling worthless,useless, ugly, fat, desparately lonely and isolated living alone and having no job doesnt make me BAD.

ONE DAY AT A TIME... WHEN THINGS GET REALLY BAD....ONE HOUR AT A TIME... SUICIDAL... ONE HALF HOUR AT A TIME.   These really really work.

So Merely Me, what keeps me going? On days like  this, the above sayings, and God, and time, and the fact that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  wonderful people on this site like snomdukes who fights m.s. as well as depression, and everyone on this site who climbs the hill daily.    Oh ! I forgot, that famous line from vivian leigh in 'Gone with the wind' -  TOMMOROW IS ANOTHER DAY ! NIGHT EVERYONE.

Oh my dear Rose

I wish I could take away all your black days...send them into the river to wash away. 

I am so sorry you are feeling down.  Thank you for gaining the energy to send this note and let us know you are there and holding on.  These sayings are really good...especially if they sustain you.  I have been known to repeat all day, "God please help me."

I know this is just an internet site and you are half way around the world from many of us but...do know we care about you.  You are very needed here on this site.  I love your honesty and your...ability to just say it like it is as well as your compassion for others.  I think you are very special.  So please keep coming back.

Yes...tomorrow is another day.  I hope it is a good day for you.

Rose:

Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.

I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.

Thank you & Take care.

Rose:

Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.

I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.

Thank you & Take care.

Rose:

Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.

I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.

Thank you & Take care.

Rose:

Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.

I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.

Thank you & Take care.

Rose:

Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.

I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.

Thank you & Take care.

Rose:

Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.

I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.

Thank you & Take care.

Rose:

Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.

I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.

Thank you & Take care.

Rose:

Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.

I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.

Thank you & Take care.

Rose:

Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.

I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.

Thank you & Take care.

Rose:

Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.

I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.

Thank you & Take care.

Rose:

Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.

I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.

Thank you & Take care.

Hmm....well you got me thinking. 

I think for some people perhaps this can be a reason...many of us are caretakers in many definitions of the word.  Yeah...depression can be a wake up call to stop and rest and take care of ourselves.  I suppose there are extremes.  Someone who is so tired from their caretaking efforts can experience depression.  One of the jobs which they say has the most depressed people...is taking care of either young children or the elderly. 

But sometimes...helping others is a salvation.  And the help offered can be simple...as in a kind word.  I think depression can make us insulated and driven to only look inward.  I think it does help to look outside of ourselves and see...hey...there are other people in the world...possibly hurting as much or more than I am.  It does help to reach out and share. 

Can you give more specific examples from your own life?  I absolutely want to hear more.  It sounds like you have given much thought to all of this and...you may be on to something.  Tell us about your self discoveries.