Hey all!
Seems a slow week here or maybe it is just me? Where is everybody?
My question for you is: What keeps you going? What things sustain you? What gives you the inspiration and stamina to fight your depression?
Please do share your inspiration here. I am sure there are many who could use some right about now.
That's a big question! There are a lot of things that keep me going and the first one I think of is that, even though I don't always know what it is, I believe I'm here for a reason. Right now, I'm here for my family, to share whatever I know and have learned with them; I don't want them to ever wonder if they were loved or not. Having depression has taught me how important it is to have people who care about us. I didn't always appreciate what I had, but I think I'm better at it now. I've had some guardian angels in my life that I know now kept me from worse harm, when I thought I couldn't keep going. I also tend to believe that it's possible that we have more than one lifetime and if that's true, I need to be here to do and learn whatever I need to before moving on. And, I'm still hoping that some day I won't be hearing the negative, hateful things in my head that came from others or if I hear them, I can tell them to stop it, thank you very much. I have worked so long to get past a lifetime of numbness and despair, I'm now having to get used to actual feelings, good and not-so-good but that means if I can feel grief, I can also eventually feel joy - it's all or nothing. I can find meaning in things like music and writing and not just with my head, but my heart, as well. I'm learning that I'm not alone, after all. I just have to remember that.
This is beautiful Judy.
I follow the same belief system as you do. I would love to hear more about your guardian angels. One of the best books I have ever read is called, "Expecting Adam" by Martha Beck and she writes on the topic of angels in such a way that...well you just have to read the book.
I believe we are here for a reason too and sometimes we don't know what that reason is...especially when we are depressed but...it does come to you at some point...hopefully.
How did your family get together go? Did you survive?
Thank you as always for your wonderful and insightful words.
Hi Merely Me,
You probably think I'm stalking you since I just posted a comment to your MS SharePost 
.
I get some inspiration from spirituality. I don't always live a good Christian life, but I try to do the right thing and find encouragement in the Bible. Thinking about some really hard things I've gone through in my life makes me feel like what I'm going through right now sometimes isn't all that bad. Being widowed in my mid-20's was a horrible blow, but almost 25 years later I can look back at that and see that not only did it not destroy me, but it actually made me stronger and a better person.
Hi KJ!
I have not been over to the MS site...I will have to mosey on over soon. How are you doing? How are your symptoms?
I cannot even imagine what you must have gone through to lose your wife at such a young age. That is just such a terrible loss. Your life is a testament to resilience...that you started anew and have a family who loves and cares for you.
Thank you for stopping by to comment!
Hi Merely Me,
I'm doing so/so. I'm feeling well mostly. A little weak in my legs and a bit shakier than usual. I had the weird feeling of drops of cold water on my head and back earlier this evening. (That's something I haven't experienced in a very long time.) The docs are going to increase the dosage of tremor medicine and I hope that will help a little. I go in for my first lumbar puncture next Tuesday.
I had a bit of a justifiable temper tantrum at the VA hospital today. I've been trying to get a copy of my medical records since May with little success. They actually "lost" a set of my medical records! Now they are saying that the machine they have that makes copies of MRI and CT scan pictures has been broken for TWO MONTHS! After going over those problems with the Patient Advocate, I went up to the Sleep Clinic to see about adjusting the CPAP mask I use to sleep with. I was basically called stupid by the technician up there for only bringing in the mask and not the whole machine. In order to avoid a shouting match I just walked out on him (without getting my problem looked at). I like my neurologist and psychological trauma group is first rate, but other than that the VA has been a big disappointment lately.
Hey...a lumbar puncture...wow. That is some test I hear. I chose not to have one done. Look at the MS site for tips...I sure hope someone has written about it. I believe there are things you can do to lessen the chance for pain after.
I am so sorry you are having a hard time with your other medical stuff. Your MRI's should be on computer disc...that is horrible that they are messing up like that.
I do hope you get some solid answers soon. You have been through hell and back just trying to get a dang diagnosis.
Let us know how Tuesday goes for you...
My best friend who just will not give up on me is the foremost reason each day has meaning, I wish everyone was as fortunate.
This site, the people on it, the stories and comments I read, there is strength drawn from each; ideas, commiseration, a bond. Company.
The usual parts of nature which most of us find appealing. It's fine days, it's storms, her leaves and grass, and animals. Her children laughing. Books and music.
My curiosity in what will happen next...
And you?
Oh Paul...what a delightful response!
Yes all of these things can be like buoys (did I spell that right?) in the water. Friends, family, connection, nature. And I love that last part...curiosity to see what happens next.
Just think...what comes next might be some life changing really good thing! You never know.
Thank you as always for your contributions here. You make a difference!
Oops! I never answered your question. Okay...when I asked this question originally I was in a funk. I was wondering myself. But...my belief that I am here for a reason....that life is a precious gift and that joy can be found. Hope keeps me going that...it can get better. My kids...family....keep me going. Friendship...connection....the sharing of both the sorrows and the joys. The seasons...keep me going. I want to be around to see them change. Wow...it is something...I am feeling much better just writing this out.
Oh...and chocolate brownies. with icing.
Hi there Merely me. For some reason I'm still not receiving your shareposts. Must be something wrong with my computer, not sure. Hope your keeping well. It's nice to be back on the site after my holiday.
The things that keep me going are my family, animals, medication and communicating with people in the same situation. Also I enjoy the little things more now, like a cup of tea and a nice bar of chocolate. Not too much though.
Hiyah Fifi!
It is good to see you too! I have passed along the troubles you are having to management...it seems you are not the only one having these issues.
IS ANYONE ELSE HAVING TROUBLE WITH THEIR E-MAIL NOTIFICATIONS? if so I want to pass along the information. Please know that I am voicing your concerns! I so want to get these tech bugs fixed.
Okay...now back to our discussion. I agree that it sometimes is just the simple things that keep us going...that tea sounds really good right now.
What keeps me going??
1. I woke up this morning...That's a great start. If I didn't, then game over. I'm done.
2. What can I do today, what small thing can I do today that will make today better than yesterday? Nothing big...just something very small, so small that I can take at least a smidgen of satisfaction from today. Something so small that it fits inside my heart and takes up some of the space that depression wants.
I do believe that someday there won't be any room for depression in my heart, that I'll have a great day.
That's the thing that keeps me going....Just hold on enough so that I'll be around when it's time for the best day of my life.
I am able to wake up each day in my right mind, and so many people are not. I look at my mom and many of her friends who are now riddled with Alzheimers, her brother who was a doctor now has alzeheimers they were a well educated group of people. But I am thankful that I have my right mind. I am thankful for the good as well as the bad. Those of us with MS we have each other that is a great thing, we hold each other up. Yes we get down, but just as soon as one of us falls, there is 1000 of us to pick that one up. sherry/smomdukes
I really like your answers...they are honest and genuine.
Right...you gotta fill up those empty spaces with the good stuff...hope that things can change.
Would love to hear about the small changes you are making...I bet they are adding up to something big.
You hang in there...you are courageous in your efforts.
What would be the best day of your life? Can you imagine it? What would happen...where you would be....what you would do....from the moment you woke up to the moment you went to sleep....who you would meet....what you would say....what the weather would be like....
If you can. Then perhaps you can start to do some of those things until one day you've done them all!
A thing I do is to list 20 things I want to do or achieve however small or however big. Then when I feel the depression coming along I look at my list and pick one to do. If I find I don't want to do any of those things that day I find I can usually think of something I do want to do....the key here is what I WANT to do. It cheers me up and I feel good about myself.
What do you think?
Hypno
Merely Me:
I so appreciate finding your commentary posted on this site. I do not automatically receive the site for some reason. Perhaps there is something I have not done with my computer to receive regular emails.
I find the site a good source for thought & commentary on the topic of depression. The individuals participating share such interesting perspectives. It is also easy to identify with many of their feelings & experiences.
I think that the knowledge that my Parents were such a positive force in my life pervades my space. I have two wonderful sons and wonderful relatives and some very good friends. This has been a debilitating illness, naturally isolating me from what I find most invigorating, socialization with people dear to me, and meaningful actions in my life. My belief in humanity has also sustained me. The sanctity of human life resonates with me from my background. I do not feel that I have any real answers to dealing with depression; it is a day-by-day challenge. When I am able to structure my life so that it is stimulating and interactive enough, I generally feel better. Accomplishing some tasks, no matter how small or menial, keeps my "engine" running.
Hi Amy!
If you could tell us more about any technical problems you are having with the site...it would be much appreciated. I am trying to pass along any member comments to the management so that these bugs can be fixed.
I love your answer...you are quite the writer...very genuine and thoughtful. I do hope you come back to the site to share more of your experiences. Your comment is much appreciated.
I am not receiving weekly posts. I am not sure what the problem is. I have to go to the commentary I received from the site from my posts & click on that to enter the site. Doesn't the site send out a weekly response or am I performing okay?
I am also enclosing something that I require some insight or help with. I feel that just when I am feeling better or more balanced, centered & positive my living arrangement undercuts me. I want to cite several examples below:
I have some unique challenges facing me. I reside in a city in small quarters with a husband who I find very difficult at times. 1-He interrupted me when I was talking to a real estate man outside on Downey to stop me from talking; he thought I was saying more than I needed to. It was his form of a control mechanism where he says my name while I am talking to stop me. This is not a first, but, it has been a little while anyway since he did it. 2-He criticized me for “worrying about inconsequential items” that he felt indicated paranoia. Today, he ranted for 20 minutes about my paranoia because I wanted to cover the glass blocks in the bathroom; I felt uncomfortable since there was a home about 3 feet on the other side with a window directly opposite in which I can see lights at night. The toilet is directly in front of the glass blocks…(we just moved into this flat) & one must walk to the shower in front of the glass blocks because it is a very small bathroom. Everything is done in front of the glass blocks. He states that my thoughts are “irrational” & that I do not need to cover the blocks. He ranted for 20 minutes & then, started again later when I brought up that “I was uncomfortable” with the setting & that should matter. 3. After this happened, he exploded when I went to order the sandwich we would split & it arrived with tomatoes on it. He was irate & spewing. He said I had ordered something I knew he would not eat. He did not even give me a chance to take the tomatoes off & make it edible for him. I love tomatoes & planned to simply place them all on my part of the sandwich. He erupted there at the restaurant. For the record, I have always considered him when I order a sandwich for him. I am having a tough time dealing.
I am not receiving weekly posts. I am not sure what the problem is. I have to go to the commentary I received from the site from my posts & click on that to enter the site. Doesn't the site send out a weekly response or am I performing okay?
I am also enclosing something that I require some insight or help with. I feel that just when I am feeling better or more balanced, centered & positive my living arrangement undercuts me. I want to cite several examples below:
I have some unique challenges facing me. I reside in a city in small quarters with a husband who I find very difficult at times.
1-He interrupted me when I was talking to a real estate man outside on Downey to stop me from talking; he thought I was saying more than I needed to. It was his form of a control mechanism where he says my name while I am talking to stop me. This is not a first, but, it has been a little while anyway since he did it.
2-He criticized me for “worrying about inconsequential items” that he felt indicated paranoia. Today, he ranted for 20 minutes about my paranoia because I wanted to cover the glass blocks in the bathroom; I felt uncomfortable since there was a home about 3 feet on the other side with a window directly opposite in which I can see lights at night. The toilet is directly in front of the glass blocks…(we just moved into this flat) & one must walk to the shower in front of the glass blocks because it is a very small bathroom. Everything is done in front of the glass blocks. He states that my thoughts are “irrational” & that I do not need to cover the blocks. He ranted for 20 minutes & then, started again later when I brought up that “I was uncomfortable” with the setting & that should matter.
3. After this happened, he exploded when I went to order the sandwich we would split & it arrived with tomatoes on it. He was irate & spewing. He said I had ordered something I knew he would not eat. He did not even give me a chance to take the tomatoes off & make it edible for him. I love tomatoes & planned to simply place them all on my part of the sandwich. He erupted there at the restaurant. For the record, I have always considered him when I order a sandwich for him.
I am having a tough time dealing.
Your husband has really disturbed me. Let me explaine that I have not been in the greates relationships and some have been.
There is never anything WRONG with how you feel. If you want to cover the damn window, then what is the big deal. If it does not bother him, but bothers you.....why cause a fuss for just covering it. It you bought something that was not to his liking, then he should have went and got it. There are just some people out there that like to control.
How long have you been together?
You are your own person, DON'T give yourself up, don't loose your opinions or your back bone. His tempertantrums are is problem.
I have a friend that at times when I'm rambling on will make a comment about what I'm talking about, basicaly saying he has no interest. I told him to try to be polite and shut up and just listen like I do him a majority of the time. Now I am the most non-confontational person in the world. I get my feelings hurt very easy and arguing makes me a nervouse wreck, but I will be respected and if I have to get ugly sometimes to get it, then so be it. Keep being you and tell him that he needs to accept it.
Merely Me:
I so appreciate finding your commentary posted on this site. I do not automatically receive the site for some reason. Perhaps there is something I have not done with my computer to receive regular emails.
I find the site a good source for thought & commentary on the topic of depression. The individuals participating share such interesting perspectives. It is also easy to identify with many of their feelings & experiences.
I think that the knowledge that my Parents were such a positive force in my life pervades my space. I have two wonderful sons and wonderful relatives and some very good friends. This has been a debilitating illness, naturally isolating me from what I find most invigorating, socialization with people dear to me, and meaningful actions in my life. My belief in humanity has also sustained me. The sanctity of human life resonates with me from my background. I do not feel that I have any real answers to dealing with depression; it is a day-by-day challenge. When I am able to structure my life so that it is stimulating and interactive enough, I generally feel better. Accomplishing some tasks, no matter how small or menial, keeps my "engine" running.
Dear Merely Me, and all reading this, and those on the site who may be too depressed at the moment to come on the site.. Im writing this past midnight. Today was a very bad day. I couldnot see a way out, [bear with me, coz its relevant to the question]. I looked back on my life since childhood,5yrs of age, Anxiety disorder, phobia, timid, not having friends, being awkward, shy, not being bright in class or any good at games. Then the Abuse, not being able to keep down jobs. Living alone and having come way down in the world [Huge Recession here too] and living in Government housing and all that entails. Today I just saw black, no selfHelp Books would help, Couldnt even read, looked out, a few days of Sun had brought poppies and flowers out, no joy from them ! I felt old [58], no family, no kids, desparately alone and the future bleak. This wasnt self-pity, if it was Id admit it. No community where I live, not able to get out of bed, literally. I had to pull myself out. What gave me the drive to keep going? Well GOD, a belief that I was put on earth for a reason, that he loves me. Although when were depressed we sorta shut down from feelings of love , even from God. I felt if I commited Suicide, it would be the ultimate insult to God. I sent some emails. Nobody receiving my emails would know how I felt, Why should I dump on them? I just kept saying 'God help me please'. God keeps me going, a belief that I was put here for a purpose [even if I dont know it]. That he is the supreme healer. That sayings like 'THIS TOO SHALL PASS' are actually true. also 'FEELINGS ARENT FACTS' So feeling worthless,useless, ugly, fat, desparately lonely and isolated living alone and having no job doesnt make me BAD.
ONE DAY AT A TIME... WHEN THINGS GET REALLY BAD....ONE HOUR AT A TIME... SUICIDAL... ONE HALF HOUR AT A TIME. These really really work.
So Merely Me, what keeps me going? On days like this, the above sayings, and God, and time, and the fact that THIS TOO SHALL PASS. wonderful people on this site like snomdukes who fights m.s. as well as depression, and everyone on this site who climbs the hill daily. Oh ! I forgot, that famous line from vivian leigh in 'Gone with the wind' - TOMMOROW IS ANOTHER DAY ! NIGHT EVERYONE.
Dear Merely Me, and all reading this, and those on the site who may be too depressed at the moment to come on the site.. Im writing this past midnight. Today was a very bad day. I couldnot see a way out, [bear with me, coz its relevant to the question]. I looked back on my life since childhood,5yrs of age, Anxiety disorder, phobia, timid, not having friends, being awkward, shy, not being bright in class or any good at games. Then the Abuse, not being able to keep down jobs. Living alone and having come way down in the world [Huge Recession here too] and living in Government housing and all that entails. Today I just saw black, no selfHelp Books would help, Couldnt even read, looked out, a few days of Sun had brought poppies and flowers out, no joy from them ! I felt old [58], no family, no kids, desparately alone and the future bleak. This wasnt self-pity, if it was Id admit it. No community where I live, not able to get out of bed, literally. I had to pull myself out. What gave me the drive to keep going? Well GOD, a belief that I was put on earth for a reason, that he loves me. Although when were depressed we sorta shut down from feelings of love , even from God. I felt if I commited Suicide, it would be the ultimate insult to God. I sent some emails. Nobody receiving my emails would know how I felt, Why should I dump on them? I just kept saying 'God help me please'. God keeps me going, a belief that I was put here for a purpose [even if I dont know it]. That he is the supreme healer. That sayings like 'THIS TOO SHALL PASS' are actually true. also 'FEELINGS ARENT FACTS' So feeling worthless,useless, ugly, fat, desparately lonely and isolated living alone and having no job doesnt make me BAD.
ONE DAY AT A TIME... WHEN THINGS GET REALLY BAD....ONE HOUR AT A TIME... SUICIDAL... ONE HALF HOUR AT A TIME. These really really work.
So Merely Me, what keeps me going? On days like this, the above sayings, and God, and time, and the fact that THIS TOO SHALL PASS. wonderful people on this site like snomdukes who fights m.s. as well as depression, and everyone on this site who climbs the hill daily. Oh ! I forgot, that famous line from vivian leigh in 'Gone with the wind' - TOMMOROW IS ANOTHER DAY ! NIGHT EVERYONE.
Oh my dear Rose
I wish I could take away all your black days...send them into the river to wash away.
I am so sorry you are feeling down. Thank you for gaining the energy to send this note and let us know you are there and holding on. These sayings are really good...especially if they sustain you. I have been known to repeat all day, "God please help me."
I know this is just an internet site and you are half way around the world from many of us but...do know we care about you. You are very needed here on this site. I love your honesty and your...ability to just say it like it is as well as your compassion for others. I think you are very special. So please keep coming back.
Yes...tomorrow is another day. I hope it is a good day for you.
Rose:
Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.
I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.
Thank you & Take care.
Rose:
Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.
I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.
Thank you & Take care.
Rose:
Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.
I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.
Thank you & Take care.
Rose:
Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.
I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.
Thank you & Take care.
Rose:
Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.
I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.
Thank you & Take care.
Rose:
Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.
I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.
Thank you & Take care.
Rose:
Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.
I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.
Thank you & Take care.
Rose:
Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.
I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.
Thank you & Take care.
Rose:
Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.
I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.
Thank you & Take care.
Rose:
Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.
I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.
Thank you & Take care.
Rose:
Merely Me expressed it well. Your willingness to share in such difficult moments speaks mountains for you as a person. I thank you for sharing. Just know that my thoughts & support are with you.
I do not believe that anyone escapes "life". It is simply the degree of suffering, chaos, and noise that may vary at times. You are special. Your willingness to identify your difficulties so that others may gain some insight & understanding into the realm of depression is helpful and appreciated by me.
Thank you & Take care.
Hi,
I think that people who are depressed (like myself) want to attain their own goals and achievements in life and often have lived their lives supporting or caring for others at the expense of their own life goals. I think it is these desires and ambitions that constantly allow us to recognise that the depression is a way of telling us to stop what we are doing at the moment and concentrate on ourselves for a while. Stop helping others at our own expense. Stop hurting ourselves by denying ourselves the pleasure of achieving our ambitions. Start doing things for ourselves and be a bit selfish for once ! (obviously not abusing others in the process, but by being clear about our boundaries).
What do you think?
I agree it is a quiet week!
Hypno
Hmm....well you got me thinking.
I think for some people perhaps this can be a reason...many of us are caretakers in many definitions of the word. Yeah...depression can be a wake up call to stop and rest and take care of ourselves. I suppose there are extremes. Someone who is so tired from their caretaking efforts can experience depression. One of the jobs which they say has the most depressed people...is taking care of either young children or the elderly.
But sometimes...helping others is a salvation. And the help offered can be simple...as in a kind word. I think depression can make us insulated and driven to only look inward. I think it does help to look outside of ourselves and see...hey...there are other people in the world...possibly hurting as much or more than I am. It does help to reach out and share.
Can you give more specific examples from your own life? I absolutely want to hear more. It sounds like you have given much thought to all of this and...you may be on to something. Tell us about your self discoveries.
My kids keep me going (even though they are older) they have been the reason I fight life and because I've been doing it so long, fighting is a part of me my nature.....not physical violence, fighting within.
Second is that I know without a doubt that God didn't put me here to be misserable and I want to enjoy some part of my life. I do not like anything to control me and depression and anxiety try to everyday. I try to keep in mind that if everything was easy, I probley would't appriciate it as much as having to work for it.
Third, I want to know what it feels like to be peaceful
Having recently passed through a very dark 'energy portal' of about 3 weeks, I am grateful to be back in my Light and enjoying life more. I think our whole family of humanity has been through an intense 2 year period of spiritual change and release-jmho...
thinking back on the darkest hardest days in my life, dealing with depression, anxiety, pain and hopelessness on top of having to keep up with the responsibilities of family life, some strategies really made a difference.
*Compassion for self-dig deep inside and look at my broken-ness with love and compassion, knowing I am so much more than my story, my suffering. Practice unconditional self-love.
*Faith: How many hours, days, nights did I lay in bed, suffering, sweating, not able to cry, thinking I would die and almost hoping I would. The links on one of my rosaries show a little rust where I slept with it, literally drenched in sweat from pain , detoxing (by a negligent doctor). Faith is what lead me to fly in spirit, past the physical for even a brief time, in order to imagine a healthy, contented me. Using whatever strength I had, I imagined how my life would look, feel, sound, and be down to every detail. Engraving this into my being, I kept creating this vision and also called up as many good feelings as I could muster to attach to it. This was not an unrealistic fantasy vision, but one that was attainable. I held this higher self in my spirit and begged God to help me get 'there'. Then, it was about walking in faith, which is easier said than done. Every day, I would do something nice for myself-even if it was to put on a pair of earrings. Just one thing. I learned how to walk through these hard minutes, hours, months with the practical and heart based help from www.flylady.net. She taught me that I could do anything for 15 minutes and helped me in more ways than I can count. She helped me survive and keep my family going, too. To this day, I use her tips and habits.
*Nix the bad news- The media can depress anyone. I stopped watching the news, stopped listening to it on the radio, reading the paper. Anything toxic was just not allowed. Playing music that was soothing helped a lot. Toxic friends had to be limited or let go of completely. I was very isolated and needed supportive people, just a few. I made a commitment to reciprocate in any way I could. My online friends were a rock in the storm for me and they still are!
* Facing and ending self-destructive behavior. Some things were obvious-alcohol had to go; there was no room in my life for a depressant. This wasn't easy, but it made a huge, positive difference. One of my biggest self destrctive habits was my own negative self-talk. I made a goal to stop any 'self-downing' for a whole month. That was a bug step as I tend to be self critical, an introvert. I replaced the negative self-talk with something reasonable, not 'happy pretend land' self-talk!
* Even more self-discovery-discovering that I am an INFP (check out the online Meyers Briggs personality test-you can find free ones), was a breakthrough and helped me to navigate though life while honoring myself. I'm a little 'different' and now it's the best part of me!
*One person to trust- I couldn't lean on my husband for support as he was sabotaging me and wanted no part of my depression or other problems. I had and still have one great friend who knows everything about me and loves me anyway. I feel the same about her and we also have other friends, but those friendships aren't as deep.
*Spirit-the most radical thing I did after getting through the crisis times was to experience and learn Reiki-Japanese energy healing. My hubby and friends thought it was weird, but figured that if it made me happy, they were ok with it. So, with very little support, I studied and practiced Reiki. I am now a Reiki Master in the Tibetan and Usui traditions and have the profound honor of being a part of other's healing and life journeys. My life long psychic gifts amplify the Reiki energy and I am speaking from a place of humility and and deep gratitude when I say that I am truly working/walking in my soul's highest path. This means everything to me, and it didn't come easily. finding your bliss and connecting with your soul's design is more than some 'airy fairy meditation thing'. Discovering and pursueing your authentic self will bless you and others. All roads led me here and I wish the same for everyone.
*Chemistry-my ADD, which is severe, was undiagnosed until 2 years ago at age 48. having ADD treated frred me from the hellish energy drag I was in. I am grateful every day for having ADD under control. I'm not hyper or high on my meds, just even, consistent and focused. Diet makes a difference,too-I need more protein than most and take vitamin supplements,too. I also have Fibromyalgia, which causes pain, stiffness, faitigue and worsens ADD. I kept firing Dr.s until I found one that treats the Fibro and treats me with respect. The quality of my life is 100% better. I still have work to do, but at least it's possible now! About 4 years ago, I realized my hormones needed balancing-that being done also helps the ADD and Fibro. It all interacts.
*Letting go- weeding out toxic people and habits took some finesse and strategy, but my commitment to be proactive and not self destrctive remains strong.One of my mottos is 'No abuse, No excuse'. Everyone has a bad day, but that doesn't mean they can abuse me. Period.
*Comfort- My family seems to have 'sensors' that go off when I sit down or rest. Suddenly, they appear out of nowhere and bug me to 'do something'. My hubby is getting better about this. Bottom line-sometimes I need to crawl into bed and rest. I don't rest by jogging, cleaning or going somwhere. It happens best in the sanctity of my bed. Usually, I don't sleep, but rest and meditate. Lots of cozy pillows, a favorite blanket, silk eye pillow, heating pad, aromatherapy, and even a sweet stuffed bunny that my daughter gave me all help with my revival mini-mission. I now know to tell anyone who's home not to bug me and when I get up. I am a better person! When I am really having a hard time, I may spend the whole day in my room, curtains drawn, in bed with the laptop. Being an Introvert, this helps me re-charge and heal.
*Nature-gardening-even for 15 minutes, is grounding and nourishing to the soul and body. Something happens energetically that is truly peace inducing.
*Make it easier- De-cluttering and streamlining housework and other routines is therapeutic. If you don't know how to do this or where to start, go to www.flylady.net
Having your clothes laid out the night beofre and being on top of your routines can release tension for everyone. Your family will benefit; your kids will love it and will pick up your habits.
* Boundaries- I could write a book on this one-we all could! Keep refreshing those boundaries and reflect on how you're doing regularly. You don't need to volunteer for anyone's abuse. If people are taking advantage of you, look at how you are sending them messages that they can do that. When you set firm boundaries, some will get mad and lay all kinds of head trips on you, but they will get over it and respect you. If they don't, you don't need them, anyway.
*Faith-back to faith, whether you are an atheist who only believes in his motorcycle or devoutly religous, find that connection to your higher self and to the Creator. Expanding your faith and trust in all that is good in this creation is not always easy, but can be part of your heart and soul's healing and growth.
I wish you all Peace!
Looking back over 50 years of fighting depression and anxiety during adolescence, postpartum, menopause, and in-between, the one constant is my faith and trust in God, who graced me with perseverance and determination. I guess He/She knew I would need them. I think this is why the 12-step programs are so effective - it's that Faith in a Higher Power. Take it or leave it, there's nothing like the power of prayer - when you feel like a black cloud is right over your head and in gratitude for good times as well.
Good psychiatric care is important too. I live in a city with the resources of two university-affiliated medical centers and top-notch doctors. (Not to say, however, that people can't find a caring and competent health care professional in other communities.)
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belief in God keeps me going & not wanting to hurt people around me though i often wonder if people would be better off without me & maybe God doesn't want me in His kingdom.i don't want to make an eternal mistake by killing myself though i do pray that i would die or not wake up sometimes.if i could will my heart to stop beating i'd be dead by now. i try to hold on but it's difficult.i hope the next life is better than this.that the Lord is waiting with loving arms.it sounds good to me.
Janet,
Thanks for sharing here so deeply about your pain. Sometimes I also feel like God is the only one keeping me going and I'm sure that is true, but I've also learned to just sit and let what happens happen. That's when I find my mind still works, the crud just washes away. "He doesn't make junk!" You have a profound purpose only you can discover by
living each day to your best. He's not pushy, but he is faithfully present.
Hi Janet
Can we help in some way? Your words are so full of pain. I agree with your other commenter that you do have purpose and meaning to your life. You are here for a reason. I hope my words don't come across as empty plattitudes...because I really believe these things to be true. Some days it is really hard to find that reason but it is there. There is no shame in leaning on others during these bad times. Please do keep reaching out here. You are in our thoughts.
i've got a suicidal friend & i can't seem to help her & i'm not sure when she goes to sleep she's going to wake up.it's dragging me down & she's in this house. i gave her the suicide hotline no. i try to talk to her but she just wants to be left alone & i don't want to tick her off.she's got a TEMPER .it makes me feel useless & worthless to not be able to help her.i can pray but that is all.