In Pursuit of Happiness

Merely Me Living With It I am a published writer who suffers from depression and MS I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and I... Send Message Subscribe: Merely Me

Monday, October 12, 2009
View All of Merely Me's Posts

When my eldest son told me he had bought a movie he wanted me to see I had expected some action film or comedy. So I was very curious when he wanted to watch the movie, "The Pursuit of Happyness" with me. This 2006 movie stars Will Smith who plays "Christopher Gardner," a man who is down ...

Hide Comments | Add comment

The persuit of happiness
rose martin
Monday, October 12, 2009 at 04:19 PM

Dear Merely Me, What an amazing choice of Film your young Son made, dont we underestimate children? I saw that film. Like you, it brought home many memories and opened many wounds. It was hopeless at times but that father and the love he had for his son.. the determination to get there, to be happy and fulfilled and have the necessities to get by. It was an awesome movie.

It brought back memories to me of when I was 31 and in an abusive relationship with a man. I had to leave. Too long to go into but I couldnt get a decent Apt. So got 1 room hovels. At times I stayed on friends sofa s for a month or two. I couldnt do that now ! I had my possessions down to a fine art. A faithful Tabby cat who had to come where i went. I large black plastic Garbage bag. With a few bits of cutlery,a few pots. Duvet.a couple of Denim jeans,some tops, just the absolute neccessities. My hairdryer.toothbrush. and a portable tv that had a handle for carrying. Looking back, I was happy though. I hadnt accumulated anything worth any money. I would tell the Taxi I was moving to another studio apt. Luggage? He could hardly believe it, Once cat and littertray [in the Blacksack] the Cat in its carrierbox and just one Blacksack. Oh and my portable tv on my knee. I was always clean, jeans, a clean top, a jacket, friends who cared and a very good Therapy group at the time. I always gave away books and kept things to a minimum. Life was precarious and I was homeless for a period of time. My main worry was Humphry the Cat. He trusted and knew Id never leave him so he got used to the hobo existence. So Merely Me, In a smaller way, I could relate to that film. I had no family to stay with. Lived in tiny rooms with barely anyroom for anything more than a single bed and my tiny TV. Less was more so to speak and I learnt how to get alot of mileage out of v little clothes. I then got myself a bike with a carrier in the front and could move myself. I learnt alot from those days. Oh! almost forgot, there was an electricty meter. I had a badly paying job. My cats food came first. Then sometimes 2 days before I got paid, Id have to decide, Food or Heat. Id go for having light and heat and live on Porridge and glasses of Milk from Weds to Friday. Id pick up newpapers in Cafe s and I can remember cycling into work actually hungry in the snow. Ironically, I was working for a 3rd world agency that was alleviating hunger and poverty. I got severly reprimanded because I was caught having a cup of Tea in the Teabreak room, and had eaten half a packet of Biscuits, The Supervisor called me ' selfish and thoughtless and greedy' I had to bite my tongue and say nothing. She hadnt a clue.

re: The persuit of happiness
Merely Me
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 03:18 PM

Awww sweet dear Rose...

You are gonna make me cry. I hear ya...sometimes in your life you get down to the basics of what you absolutely need. And then sometimes even what you need...food...heat...is not there. I suppose these experiences make one stronger but...I kinda wish I didn't have these memories. But then again would we be who we are today? Guess we will never know.

You are a true survivor Rose...I am quite honored that you are on this site. You have so much to give. Thank you.

re: re: The persuit of happiness
jpw2008
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 05:23 PM

hi

I have a thought.

I think it is possible to have too much

I 've been thinking that for years

My mom seems to 'like' things

That part is alright

Like too many stuffed animals

I seem to have carried it on with cd's

I'd like to get rid of it

I can and have but it has returned 100 fold

I want to break the cycle

It basically is filling a want

Maybe its a cover from problems

I'm not sure how to fill a need instead of a want

re: re: re: The persuit of happiness
rose martin
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 06:43 PM

Hi Jon, Youre so right, our Needs and our Wants are so different. Advertising keeps pushing things on us that will make life easier, happier, fulfil all our needs make us feel more powerful, sexy, attractive, the list is endless...

Needs for me is - Food, Heat, Shelter, Safety, a few loyal friends, some mental stimulation and company, a purpose to life, to help others. Wants are the things that I know now wont make me any happier, a huge tv screen, the latest cds, a new leather suite. Wooden floors. A perfect figure, face, hair, no anxiety no depression, an easy life, some extra cash. In the World I'm lucky , Ive food.

I do like to buy nice things and save up for a good dvd, nothing wrong with that Jon. You can always give your 'stuff' to charity. Yes, sometimes I think its filling a void, all this stuff. hoarding. ITs addictive. thats what Advertising does it sells the lie that these things, this stuff will make us happy, it doesnt,

Simplicity does, with compassion and hope and love and acceptance of the things we cant change. Less is really more. I have v little clothes. Im happy with that. I keepmy Cottage very simple Jon, v little furniture, Im happier that way.

re: re: The persuit of happiness
rose martin
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 06:36 PM

Dear Merely Me, I really am glad that I had these experiences, I could have had an easy life, been brought up in 'cotton wool' as they say here in Ireland. I think being a survivor has meant, nothing shocks me, I tend not to judge people so much and I have empathy and understanding of poverty, helplessness etc. I wouldnt like to be anyone else, would you? or anyone on Site?

Wow
Judy
Monday, October 12, 2009 at 05:57 PM

Thanks, Merely Me, and Rose, too, for sharing your stories. Most of us wouldn't know what it's like to have to live so humbly and so meagerly. There's a book I read not long ago called "Three Little Words" which is a memoir by Ashley-Rhodes-Courter about her life in the foster care system that I think you would like, MM, although it might make you cry, but I bet you'll be able to identify with it. And the three words are not, "I love you." We didn't have much when I was a kid, but I was never homeless and am not sure I could have survived that. You should be so proud of yourself for what you've accomplished despite huge obstacles. You are a miracle.

re: Wow
Merely Me
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 03:23 PM

Thanks Judy...

I will definitely look for this book. Now you have me curious as to what the three words are. I guess everyone has something to deal with...if not as a child then later...life is full of surprises. Some good...some bad. This is life!

I am happy though to have survived and...here to tell my tales. Life is a miracle. And now and then...you get to enjoy it.

Thank you as always for your comments...you always make me feel good.

hi
jpw2008
Monday, October 12, 2009 at 07:17 PM

Hi

I don't understand what just happened

I'm glad that people thought this was great

I'm always out of the loop

at least I'm out of fruit loops.

I never had my father blown up

And wait for him and him not be there

I guess I'm taking way too much for granted

I had my brother protect me from growing up

I guess he thought it would help

He took a lot of blows for me

But, you are right I wasn't in a homeless shelter

If i was I would have commited suicide

I guess I have no determination to live

I walk down the street my mind races like there is no tomorrow

I don't know how I made it to grandmas sane

But I did

It was hell walking down the street

I look back when I was in school and see how stupid I really was

And now I can see why they did pick on me, I was like a sitting target

Easy to get

Happiness is about sacrifice Which I never would have thought of

Jon

re: hi
Ricovring
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 09:33 AM

Thanks for writing jpw2008. I like your idea about sacrifice, although I would say, "service." There is really no sacrifice in service: doing good is its own reward.

re: hi
Merely Me
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 03:26 PM

Hi Jon!

I happen to love fruit loops and Captain Crunch too.

I have a feeling you would have survived just as I have. And you are surviving now. I think you are doing better than you know and you should give yourself some credit.

Life is hard...but you are doing it...you are living. We are glad you are here.

MM's trials
Ricovring
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 09:47 AM

Merely Me,

You've had a rough road. No one will dispute that. Your last paragraph about only pursuing, but not attaining I cannot agree with, however. I don't know your stand on

God, but it sounds like you haven't connected. A life yielded to God finds happiness

everyday. My depression is primarily a physiological phenomenon. My attitude overcomes

much of the yuck. But my connection to God is a constant source of joy, in the midst of

fog. There is always light on the top of clouds. Deliverance is not polly-in-the-sky. Your pursuit of happiness doesn't have to be a "carrot on a stick." Hope is not empty.

re: MM's trials
Merely Me
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 03:37 PM

Oh I agree with you...hope is certainly not empty. I wouldn't be here today without hope. My definition of happiness/joy is a profound gratefulness for being alive despite all the challenges.

I guess if I had to give any conclusion from my life...it would be that happiness and/or joy...is not outcome based. But it is...in the pursuit...it is in the trying. And it is not something given to you on a silver platter. You do have to work at your goals and dreams. But it can be done...despite the challenges. My goodness...if there is anything I hope to impart...it is hope. If I have survived these things...so can you...or anyone else here. It is possible.

It is mighty hard if not impossible to judge another's spiritual connections...especially here on the Internet. Spirituality is not something, in my opinion, that you wear as a badge to tell other people nor to...judge someone else...it just is.

As always...I thank you for your comments and insights. Maybe you could share your own sometime. I would be most interested in hearing more about your life.

re: re: MM's trials
Ricovring
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 10:30 PM

I like your definition of happiness/joy. We are probably on the same page.

pursuit of happiness
sioux
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 12:37 PM
Dear Merely Me, reading your post brought tears to my eyes and that's pretty hard to do as I can't cry for some reason. As I've mentioned to you before our early lives seem to contain a lot of parallels.You put words to a lot of my feelings some of which I've pushed pretty far back. I've been hungry, homeless and hopeless.My Mother was mentally ill & mean, my Dad was an alcoholic & sometimes mean.I never got the necessary things that children need, such as medical care., dental care or other things that children need to live. I pretty much had all of the care of my 2 younger brothers,so I kind of always had my hands full. Well this was just to let you know you're my "HERO", what you have accomplished in your life amazes me. I intend to rent that movie too. Best, sioux.

re: pursuit of happiness
Merely Me
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 03:42 PM

Hey Sioux

Well now you done it...I am all weepy now. But this is why I love this site so. I never know what will come of my words...I just write. But then this really amazing thing happens...this connection to others...like yourself who have been in these situations too. When I was a kid...I had no idea that there was anyone out there like me. But now I know...there were many...just trying to cope and hold on too.

I am so glad that you are a part of this community. And I think that you are totally amazing. You are going to make it. We are all going to make it. This is my hope.

Thank you for sharing yourself here. It means so much.

Untitled Comment
fifi
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 03:43 PM

Hi Merely Me, glad your back

Your living proof that you can survive lots of things and you definately give me a lot of hope. Thanks very much for sharing.

re: Untitled Comment
Merely Me
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 03:44 PM

Hiyah Fifi!

I am glad I am back too. I missed you all!

Now I need to work hard to catch up! What all have I missed?