Public Speaking for the Shy and Socially Anxious

Last week at about this time I was sitting in a grand ballroom of a hotel waiting to give a presentation.  And to many people this would not be a big deal as some people do this sort of thing all the time.  But for little ‘ol Merely Me this was a huge event.  Matter of fact, this was my first official public presentation at a conference.  Shhh!  Don't tell anybody.

The last time I spoke in "public" was for a poetry class when I was an undergraduate in college.  I had to give an informal talk about the poet, Sylvia Plath.  I am sure Sylvia was rolling around in her grave when I failed to get through my speech.  I stopped about a third of the way through because I froze up.  And this was for a small class while sitting in a circle of chairs.  I still remember the looks my classmates gave to me, sort of a mixture of shock and pity.  My face was red with shame as the teacher gently nudged the next person to talk.  Of course my classmate seemed delivered their presentation with smiling grace and ease, a direct contrast to my lock jaw performance.

I still remember that time so many years later.  Why is it that these times when we "mess up" stick to our psyche like chewing gum caught in your hair?  The emotional residue of such memories is so hard to get rid of! 

The thought of public speaking has always been frightening to me yet I know I am not alone in my fear.  There are many lists and surveys which show that up to 75% of the population is afraid of public speaking.  The Book of Lists ranks the fear of public speaking as even higher than the fear of death.

Do any of you remember this Seinfeld joke about this where he says:

"A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death, which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy."

Might be a hard choice to make for some of us scaredy cats.

So what makes so many of us turn to jello at the thought of giving a speech?  And does this same fear generalize to other situations?  Speaking only for myself, I have always been a chronic worrier.  If someone is late for example, I imagine the bus that hit them.  I can relate to this quote by Mark Twain:  "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."  Before I gave my talk the list of potential disasters scrolled through my mind such as burping, fainting, falling off the stage, or a first time ever sudden uncontrollable urge to swear.  I did not voice these fears to anyone but did worry aloud about my glasses or shoes falling off.  You probably already know this but none of these things actually did happen.

Then there is also the fact that I am a shy introvert.  I feel like a bug under pressed glass when any direct attention is being focused upon me.  If you ask any introvert with social anxiety what they most fear, they are going to tell you things like meeting new people, going to social events, and probably number one on the list would be public speaking.