My Depression Connection Question of the Week!

Hi M/M!!

Boy, did you open a can of worms on this one! It's rather interesting that I'm actually the 'first' to answer this one...OK, here goes!

The one fact I've found that remains true (regrettably) is that regardless of what Rx we're on, our sex drive seems to be the first casualty. Why is that? I just turned 54, however a man my age should NOT be thinking "no more at 54"!!!

Yes, I've tried Viagra, Cialis & Levitra & they've all been a 50/50 mix for me. Of course it goes without saying that I must be aroused sexually before ever 'rising to the occasion', as it were. Trouble is I seldom even 'feel' that arousal anymore. Sometimes I even feel that the woman of my dreams could be at my door, say "take me, I'm yours" and little, if anything would happen.

Given the fact that we've been literally bombarded with sexual content over the last few generations, I often wonder if maybe a lot of it is in my mind? (It's said that the brain is the sexiest organ...the jury is still out on that one I believe).

Truth is, over the years I've weaned myself away from my Rx (250mG Effexor XR) a few times (unsuccessfully) & have discovered (happily!) that my sexual desire & performance has indeed become more 'normal' for me. Of course, resuming the Rx has clearly diminished all of the above almost immediately.

While I DO believe that some of this IS in our mind, I cannot deny that my Rx has robbed me of what I once truly enjoyed.

Yes, it has also severely affected my marriage of 18 years & subsequent relationships thereafter. What woman doesn't want full satisfaction?  With that in mind I tend not to pursue any 'serious' relationships beyond friendship & hopefully that occasional 'roll in the hay'. 

I'm curious to see what other responses this topic brings.

If I have intimacy problems Which I do

I have no partner and probably wont

All the fish on the lure wont take it

They have laughed at the lure

And seen the lack of consistency in my life

I honestly dont blame them

Thanks for the question

The enigmatic

Okay, Merely Me - you're digging a little deep here!  Personally, I haven't been affected at all by Wellbutrin, but the Zoloft - which I'm already discontinuing - made me numb EVERYWHERE.  Even worse, though, I think, is depression itself.  Between my husband's and mine, it really destroyed our intimate relationship for many years.  We are trying to work our way back, but it's not easy - age is not in our favor, for one thing.  And then, I'd have to say, it wasn't just the depression itself, but my past experience with sexual abuse that rose to the surface that was the real killer.  Couples therapy is helping, but it's still tough because we didn't talk about it for many years and by then, a million assumptions had been made by each of us about the other.  I wish we had addressed it much sooner.

Well, that's all I have to say right now!

My fiance and I have been having a lot of problems lately.  Some of it is due to my depression, and some of it is due to the way he handles my ups and downs.  I understand he gets frustrated with the lack of consistency and the instability at times, but he still needs to be patient.  If I say something he doesn't like, it usually winds up in a major fight.  Most of this stuff is very small, or shoudln't be handled so roughly.  I talked with a coworker who's husband is depressed.  I asked her how she handles it.  She said with love, patience, and support.  I also have been on the other side of the fence because my mom also has depression.  Depression affects everyone, not just the one that has it.  I think if your partner isn't going to be able to handle your depression and all that comes with it in a respectful and supportive manner, maybe they're not the right partner.

     hi merley me,

 yes having depression has had big affects on are love life there are times when i dont whant to be touched and he doesnt understand. the way we are coping is when i dont want to be touched he trys not to make a big deal out of it. and if i goes on to long he will say something as not to make me mad ,then we try to sit down and talk about it, im very lucky becouse my husband is willing to sit and listen to me. 

That's part of being male isn't it?! More seriously, Zoloft was a downer for libido. I'll let you know more when my lady friend says yes to marriage.  

Yes, you and I have talked about this before and it does affect every part of your life, I like the other responder have a very understanding husband who has been thru alot with me and we do alot of hugging and talking. There are many ways to show your love for each other than just sex--but I have been on alot of meds and several major female surgeries that has affected our love life (sex) but we have been together for 20 yrs and talking helps alot! My husband use to tell me, he doesn't know what I feel at that time so if you don't do anything else the biggest is TALKING!

Take care

ladygraycloud/Suzanne

Ok, this is def. something that has affected me mostly, due to the childhood trauma and abuse.  Usually I have sex even if I am not "in the mood"... which is something I am working on in therapy:  BOUNDERIES   Meaning if I don't really want to have sex, I need to find my voice and say I don't want it.

I do know that I have a sex drive, but zoloft has also affected that by making it difficult to climax.  It makes it so hard to even concentrate and get there .... Too bad they don't have a med for women to "WANT" to have sex....  They have something for men but not women :(  LOL...  On that note....

I'm one of the 'take it or leave it' ones... I'm not sure if it's just me wanting a higher level in sexuality than what can be generally found or if it is the depression (I think I first got depressed when I was 8) or perhaps the depression causing low self esteem ... sometimes I just don't feel involved in it either! :D maybe that's what a lot of women feel though . I definitely don't understand the obsession with sex...

I presume my lack of sexual interest is to do with depression. I've only been with one person and I didn't feel a thing. It was almost like it could have been happening to someone else and for some reason I was watching... Sometimes I want to feel something but sometimes I almost feel like a child - I don't want to have someone that close to me invading my personal space: it's something 'grown ups' do, lol. I don't know. I just don't feel a lot of things most people do. Happiness, fun, enjoyment, etc they don't really break through the disconnection or manage to counter or at least balance the negative emotions. Then my experience has clearly been very limited in this field so maybe with the right guy and time to be with him and learn to be comfortable in his presence perhaps one day I'll feel something...

Wow!  Great subject, you always think that you are the only one that is going through this problem.  Unfortunately, I have the triple whammy.  Depression, 375mg of Effexor XR per day, and menapause.  Oh and I forgot to say I also have pain from Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Where do I go from here???  I had a great love life until the depression set in and I was put on the antidepressants.  It was all down hill from there.  Thank God I have a very loving and understanding husband who puts up with a lot of "I'm not in the mood".    I also have put on a lot of weight in the past year which doesn't exactly help with my self image.  So where do I go from here???

Hi M/M & all,

I would have to say "YES" to this question, however my failure(?) to recognize & act on my depressive state was probably more of a factor.

Before my Rx, I was a very angry, bitter (NOT violent, though) person that would rather throw that proverbial glass against the wall instead of pondering whether it was 1/2 full or empty. My life was a real see-saw.

When I was finally diagnosed & treated, it was too little/too late for my marriage. To this day I thank God that my ex & I are still very good friends as she does understand ( forgives me) the "why" behind my condition.

Subsequent relationships have come & go, however I'm seeing this lady (going on 3 years now) who is very empathetic, supportive & manages to always "be there" for me. My overall situation has improved tremendously since my recent retirement as (I let) my work & its hostile atmosphere get the better of me.

"The Best Is Yet To Come..." (Frank Sinatra) 

I can be depressed and still want intimacy.  It's those antidepressants that have sent my libido south.  Can't take Wellbutrin.  All of the SSRI's I've used have had the same effect.  I hope the drug companies are reading this.  They need to come up with something that helps depression without causing people to feel asexual.