Free Falling Friday!

Okay well first of all I am really happy to hear from you Izzy!  I haven't heard from you in some time. 

And so you are sick?  What do you have?  I hope you don't have the flu. 

You talk about making everyone else happy...now what about you?  You need to look after you sometimes.  You are a true giver so I know it is hard to stop and just take care of yourself but this is essential for you to go on.

Hugs!

(((Izzy))))

Thanks Merely Me,

It means a lot that you replied it's been a really rough week for me, I feel like I've hit one of my very down points and as it's been a while since I felt this bad emotionally it's scared me. In terms of what I have, I've not been to see what it is though when I discribed the symptoms to my school as I haven't been to class the last few days the dean sent me an e-mail telling me I have a lot of flu like symptoms and until them subside I need to stay home.

It's frustrating as not being in class or at work means I've had more time to consider just how down and depressed I've been feeling, and with everyone around me still looking for me to do more than my fair share I can't say that I've been resting much either. Moreover when I do manage to sleep I've been having horrible nightmares and I can't seem to shake them. Don't get me wrong I know dreams and nightmares can't hurt me, but it doesn't make the fear and discomfort they cause any less prevalent.

*Sigh*

Sorry for ranting, just feel awful on so many levels:

Izzy

Oh Izzy!

Please tell me you will see a doctor.  I really think you may need treatment of some kind.  Please don't let this go on too long as it may get worse.

I think illness really can make you feel depressed.  I am hoping when you feel physically better that you will feel mentally better too.

Know that I am thinking of you...sending well wishes your way!

Hi Izzy,

I tried for ages to block the fear and anxiety and panics...then I cottoned on ....they don't go away until you actually allow yourself to acknowledge them as a PART of you that just wants to be HEARD and wants you to spend a LITTLE time on them..why not plan to sit down with a warming cup of hot chocolate for an internal hug this autumn/winter and put on some relaxing music and allow the fear to raise itself and when it comes say to it I accept that I'm feeling afraid at the moment and this is only a part of me and even with experiencing those fears I totallly and deeply accept myself for who I am as a whole including those feelings of fear. I found this actually worked wonders...have you tried to give yourself permission to feel afraid? Then when the feeling becomes less intense you can reflect on what you want to do about the event that is causing the stress in your life and how you will release this event...to let go of it and to let the fear associated with it to leave with it...It has worked for mein the past...you then need to get really specific about the events that cause the feelings of fear, anger,greif and tackle them one by last one until you are able to come across the one that will collapse whole networks of traumatic events that have become associated to those emotions and you will experience morenormallevels of fear/anxiety. Try looking into EFT - emotional/emotive Freedom Technique as well by combining this with tapping on acupressure points to balance your internal energies...whether you identify with internalenergies or not...if anchoring works you might like to think of it as deanchoring or think of how massage works torelax the body and replenish your joire de vivre and then use that instead!

In other words experiment a bit...play with your fear and anxiety...let it come out to play...it can then come out when you are ready for it and it won't take you by suprise.

Do let me know how you get on...and remember it'sonly a feeling and feelings can pass as quickly as they come on.

If it's any consolation I've been tapping away this week and whereas normally I would be phoning my therapist in a right awful state with the generalisedanxiety, I now find I can deal with it and gradually it is subsiding as I chip away at the traumatic events one by one by one. I can feel the weight coming off my shoulders andmy selfesteem growing and developing under my care and the attention I have been paying to myself.

Take care now.

Hypno

I think you have a sense of humor. Your stream of consciousness rhymes.

Dear Merely Me and all,  the past week for me was probably a 2 to 3. There were alot of outside stressors and of course am going thru the last of the withdrawals off Efexor Xl which is a journey thru hell... really !

Good things - Well I coloured my hair, went and bought myself coat and boots that id saved up months for. Played alot with my large Forest Norweigan cat and had fun with him.

Decided to get to be friends with Me after 58 years, warts and all.

Some nasty email from a lady I know  who has alot of problems, was upsetting at first but now can see the bigger picture. 

/I should have mentioned int the good part of the week, lovely comments by you MM and others wondering where id been, that was nice too. Made me feel cared for.

Hey Rose!

You are definitely cared for and we absolutely missed you.  I am hoping you can come back to us soon. 

What I want to know is...what color is your hair now?  It is always a lift to get your hair done.

You have a great evening or...whatever time it is there!

Welcome back Rose...you were missed!

Thanks Cjn Lv for your kind words, also Merely Me, its good to be back , if not fully. its such a caring site.  In answer to your question MM the hair is a light Golden Blonde, its gone very white so the light blonde suits my colouring.

Its Nice n Easy No 98 and about 7dollars your money and alot cheaper than the hairdressers. I just do roots with a brush. I then put Clairol  Colour 10 - Golden Blonde in for 10 mins with a comb like streaks/highlights to give it a rich look.

Its good for the spirit to keep the appearance up. ps wish the white/grey suited me.. it doesnt.

It's so nice to hear from you again Rose. Hope your withdrawals stop soon. Take care.

Hey Moonflowers!

This all sounds great!  I totally understand how cleaning can be a huge thing...a definite marker of feeling better.  I know I am doing well when I feel strong enough to tackle cleaning my closets.  And going shopping for yourself...this is wonderful.  Good for you!

I look forward to hearing more good things from you in the weeks to come...

Hey....fantastic...I'm glad you have gained some support and are now getting some space for yourself (both emotionally and physically....by receiving the support and clearing your environment of clutter). Sounds like you are doing some spring cleaning in your brainbox as well given the fact that you are feeling better and more able to do things you want to do. It's great you managed to get out and about it really lifts the soul...doesn't it? The sunlight and exercise helps as well to lift your mood.

Once again...FANTASTIC...WELL DONE YOU!

Take care now.

Hypno

I like what you said about going with the flow, Judy. We don't need to fight every thing that comes our way.

Hiyah Judy!

Oh a six!  This is really good...up from last week right?  I am glad you are starting to "thaw" as you say.  I was thinking as you were talking about how you felt on Zoloft that it wasn't going to be the med for you.  It is good to feel! 

Your grandson sounds delightful...young children have a way of making us feel happier just by being around them. 

I think you are way too hard on yourself...it sounds like you do tons and I know you work so hard on here so...not sure what you are talking about with "lazy."  I think you probably have such high expectations of yourself which exceed what anyone else thinks.  You do what you can on any given day and you feel good about it!

I hope you have a great weekend and enjoy!  Beautiful fall weather here...hope it is nice where you are.

Hey there

Well I am glad you had the chance to relax some.  I know that is hard for me to do too.  I always think I have to be productive every minute of the day.  But you need time to recharge your batteries every now and then. 

You will have to tell us how the Paxil change goes.  Seems like everyone is changing their meds some. 

Have a great weekend!

Hey...Great freeflow...Your comment sparks up in me thoughts like you've been practising some meditation and becoming more mindful...to me you've described a wonderful skill we all have ... if we can relax, we can grow to use our mindfulness to resolve our difficulties and not have to feel depressed instead.

You really have had a horrendous time...and I am so sorry.  I have been thinking about you and how you have survived all this.  That doctor sounds like he really didn't know what was going on not to know that you would suffer withdrawals. 

I am glad your sister is back.  I hope you get to feeling better soon.  Please hang in there.

Thanks for replying MM. My sister has returned and that helps. I wish I could find some friends local to Williamsburg to meet and hang out with.

Hugs Pat

Hello Pat

I was worried about you so I am glad your sister has returned.  Are you feeling any better this weekend? 

I'm some better still lonely when I go home. I'm looking forward in getting ECT. I think that's my only option since medication is not working. Thank you for thinking about me. Your very sweet.

Aww shucks Judy!   Thank you!  Yes I wanted something a bit more cheery...I hope.  Maybe I will change it now and then just for variety. 

Shopping and wine tasting...hey that sounds fun!  Judy talked about wine too.  What sort of wine do you all like?

Yes it was a very tragedy filled week.  It is hard to watch the news lately.

I wish you the best luck as far as getting a job.  Hope that works out whatever happens.

And I hope you have an enjoyable and pleasant weekend.  Let us know how the shopping and wine tasting goes.

Hey there

awww I am so sorry Kelly Jo.  It sounds to me like you just want a break from feeling bad and you also want support from the people around you...namely your husband.  Maybe tell him..."I will listen to your work stories for this long but then I want you to listen to me."  Not sure that would fly or not. But you do deserve to be able to talk about your feelings and your day. 

Please know that you can write about what is going on in your life any hour of the day here.  Just let it out.

I am really hoping that things get better for you soon.  In the meantime just keep writing to us.  We are listening.

The worst thing was the horrible feeling of loneliness, even when your surrounded by family.

Hi I'm right there with you. Loneliness is am awful thing.

Hi Fifi

Awww baking cakes is fun...I have messed up plenty of cooking and baking projects so I can relate. 

Can you guys talk more about the lonliness you are experiencing?  Is it that you feel misunderstood or...?  It is something...there are times when I am alone and I feel just fine about it...I actually like it.  But lonliness is something different isn't it?  It is hard to define. 

I do hope that this site helps with the feelings of isolation.  We are here for you.

Hi merely me

Thanks for the reply. I think the loneliness is because I feel sometimes that my relationship with my husband has changed and that even though he's in the house with me I actually feel more lonely sometimes when he's there. I've spoken to him today and told him how I feel and that we dont do things together like we used to and I miss that. It's funny how you can spend time with each other, but your not actually communicating and that makes me feel really lonely sometimes. I have noticed mind that he runs from me this time of the month though as I look as if I'm going to kill him, so I cant blame him. My mood has lifted a bit now though especially after losing half a stone. I just hate those feelings of loneliness. I suppose it always goes back to the feelings when being abandoned. Silly really it was thirty years ago.

Hi fifi,

abandonment....ummm!...which part of you feels abandoned...what are you seeking from your husband? ...is it a reasonable request? Is it abandonment or a symptom of you withdrawing and then wanting connectivity when all around have fled?

sounds like you could do with some care right now...try and do something relaxing with your husband to put him at ease...try and do something you know he will enjoy as well as you.see if he reacts differently to you.

Good luck you'll find a way through eventually.

Hypno

I am not particularly fond of winter myself Jon.  What do you not like about it?

Hey...repairs and changing the furniture...these are very productive things you are doing...be proud of yourself.

I hope you are having an okay weekend.  Let's hope for better days ahead.

hi

I don't like winter because it iscold here in New york

I don't want to live in a cold environment

Both me and my mom get depressed

And It ant no pretty situation when two people are depressed

A lot of anger I dont know how to deal with

I'm thinking of taking some recreational drug

I heard they used them in the ol days

People felt better

Jon

Hey Hypno!

A score of seven is great!  way to go!

Sounds like you are doing many things to help yourself.  Now these two "pains" you describe...are they people?  :>) 

I hope you continue to find ways to handle the stress you are dealing with.  It all sounds good.

I hope you are having a good weekend and thanks so much for sharing. 

Yes they are people .....unfortunately...because if they were objects I could throw them in the bin and ignore them...unfortunately some people have to spill out their chaos in all directions and shed a load of abuse and destruction instead of living in peace and harmony and striving for creative and constructive relationships. Anyway with any luck I'll be free of them by the end of the next 6 months...legal due process all being well. They have attempted to destroy my livelihood and in the most part have suceeded...they have used abusive practices to destroy my self-esteem and quite honestly are the two most toxic people I have ever had the pleasure to work with...and that's saying something as I've met a few in my life (you won't be suprised to hear..law of attraction and all that....they reckon an abuser can identify a victim within the first 30 secs of meeting them...with these two I would have to agree)

Oh good!

I like this.  Yes sometimes we need a little rain to make everything that much more clear and to appreciate the sunshine.

It is a sunny day here today...I am appreciating it very much.

You have a good one!