Lack of Love or concern I (don't get from my sisters and brothers have heart broken me for life.

By curlygirl21459 Thursday, November 26, 2009

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I have a big family that consists of 3 brotherts and 3 sisters. I am so hurt by my sisters complete disregard for me and my family that it has caused me to be so very depressed on the eve of a very Happy Turky Day. You see I nor my children were not invited to the festivities taking place at my sisters home. I was the only one who did not get an invite and at this point I really don't know what to do. Over the past two years I have felt less and less apart of the family and I just cannot handle it any longer. Lord knows how I have tried and it was never good enough for them. I cannot wait until we can sit at the table with God. Just imagine his grace and love, never listening to people trying to measure up, beacause I know my God shows up all the time, never leaving me to wonder of worry. He is my father, my friend, and he knows exactly what I need to feel the void I have from my own sisters and brothers. Thank you Jesus, I love you so much!!

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Marishka

11/26/09 9:21am

Hi curlygirl,

I understand how hurtful it is to have family who is not nice. None of my family is nice!

I wonder if you may feel better to appreciate that you have some children and brothers? and I don't know who else?

And forget the ones who are hurtful? Not easy I know. But I try to be grateful for what I have and forget what I don't and I feel much better. Some have much less.

I hope you can find some joy today and remember, their excluding you and meanness is about them, not you. Jesus would have invited everyone to the table, right! They are ignorant and don't understand perhaps.

Happy Thanksgiving, hope you can focus on all you do have today and pray for those who hurt you. That helps me too.

Blessings and sending good wishes today:)

Marishka

rose martin

11/26/09 12:29pm

Hi curlygirl, I too have a family with no time for me. You see, Im no longer professional, am perceived a 'loser' because of both Depression/Anxiety and Arthritis, so, i dont drive a fancy car, own a fancy house and dress in Prada !

In other words, I dont quite measure up, but theres a saying Ive used on this site and I'll use it again - Those that mind dont matter, and those that matter dont mind. Happy Thanksgiving. Remember to think kindly on your absent family because they need it more that you. They are trapped in illusion and presentation and pretending all is 'ok'. To leave a family member out is cruel in the extreme. There's a lack in them, just be who you are and enjoy the Day on your own with your kids and loved ones or whoever you have. I know exactly how you feel !

curlygirl2459

11/28/09 7:29pm

Hello Rose,

Thank you for replying to my post, I really appreciate your thoughtful words and I really like your saying, "those who mind, don't matter. And those who matter, don't mind." It kinda reminds me of the saying, "mind over matter". I will just have to remember that, and really try to put it into practice. I was doing really good up until the whole family thing came up. The last couple of years were really hard on me and I learned to get a lot of outside support, something I need to do again, since all of these bad feelings have come up again. I have decided to use my caller ID service and if and when either of my sisters call, I will excercise my right to NOT answer. It just has to be that simple, because if I talk to them they have a way to cause so many hurt feelings. I just don't need any of that crap in my life anymore. You would think I would have learned something by now, I am 50 years old for pete's sake!! I am very thankful to God for all he has done in my life, I just get so upset because it hasn't always been this way with my family. When I left my husband I had been verbally, emotionally and mentally abused by, my family did not support me at all. I just have a really hard time with it sometimes and the holidays are supposed to be for families getting together and since they were not there for me I feel like I just do not have a family to go to. Thanks again for your support. Blessings!

rose martin

11/28/09 7:43pm

Hi CurlyGirl, youre a survivor, I like the fact that you dont go and meet pain head on, via filtering your calls. I now do the same. Isnt life too short to speak with people [esp family members] who only make us feel bad after we put the hone down? Im staying away from Toxic members and friends as much as possible and trying to be a good decent person with decent honorable friends, once we have a few people like this in our lives, we dont need family so much.

Take care and I do understand being left out !

curlygirl2459

11/28/09 8:05pm

Hello Marishka,

I want to thank you for posting a reply to my post. I do have three adult children and a grandson that I am very grateful for. I was doing really well until just recently, (do to family) and I will get over it. I was writing on my facebook status what I am thankful for everyday. Unfortunately I have a very tender heart and it is pretty easy to get my feelings hurt. I have decided to use my caller ID from now on and avoid the pain altogether. Blessings.

Clearlight

1/14/10 11:52pm

You are not alone, beileve me. I feel so much compassion for you. I had been exiled from my mother by an ex sister in law, who then had couple others help her. My daughter and I were excluded and still are. I was hurt so much, believing what my mother told me that we moved 1400 miles away. Then found out she was near death, finally getting her on the phone, hearing her gasping, ( i am a former nurse as is the ex-sister in law) and ordered her into hospital, they would not take her, and was expected to die any day.

She made it home with me, inspite of their using their hosptial pals helping them in their behalf, not knowing what truly went on at home. The system Failed my mother and me. I reported them to Adult Protective Services and they covered for the ex sister in law who still passed herself off as daughter in law and no one believed me. But God had other plans for them. He works in mysterious ways and we left, without they knowing, with help from a nursing home professionial.

A priest out here once talked about family, less then 6 months after my mom died. I will write one statement he made. "It only takes one family member to break up an entire family." They exiled me, after my father died-cowards, as they knew i woudl fight from my mom. For social workers, casemanagers to have beleived them without ever meeting me-----they refused all family meetings because they would have been exposed---she not a daughter in law-divorced a decade plus, my brother with serious drinking problems When mom told her how shes was foreced to tell me what she did, humilated at home, intimidated, and fearful-she had huge head injuries that hosptials did not report etc. I felt so much better, Mom told me, I feel loved and wanted HJow sad that i did not live with you and sharon years ago. Parental alienation exists as parent aleination--they did now want me to be with mother

so now my duaghter and I are alone. Mom passed years ago-and around holidays couclle more died-Novemeber, December, and i am only sibling left. NO more uncles aunts. I pray to God, and I will pray for you. Those people are mean spirited, wicked and need to be kept out of your life. They are not in your life for a reason. I wish you lived nearby, I would invite you and your children for lunch and dinner on occasion.

Yes, I msis family, but the ones i have now-1400 jmiles away, continue to treat me sadistically and I have realized, I don't need that, I deserve better. Yes, they know i am a threat as I know too much. Speak to a pastor, or spiritual person.

You are not to be blamed for their selifish, cruel behavior.

d.stefano

1/16/10 11:17pm

I had finally accepted that I am just the scapegoat in my family.

I believe most every family has one.

I used to make all the holidays and arrange outings and vacations.

I decided to just stop and see if anyone else would step forward,

nobody did.

Within a few years, all of the holidays were at my older sister's house

or my mother's house and I was never even told about it, they just

ignored me like I had died.

I have learned to live without them, and most have died now.

But my son has always ignored or abused me.

I finally have a grandson and I'm not included with them either.

Did I forget my deordorant or what?

My son has been abusive to me in many ways for all of his adult life.

I thought it would change when the baby was born.

At first he tried to include me, but I guess his girl of 18 years was NOT

ok with that. I wasn't invited to the baby shower, and was STILL left out on

all the holidays.

I thought things would be better, but with the baby, they're only worse.

Nothing lifts this heavy weight of depression off my soul.

How do you learn to live without your own children and grandchild?

Where is my reason for living?

I'm older now, have had a heart attack and am still under treatment for breast cancer.

Nobody has called or come by to see how I am, nobody offered any help.

I don't know how long I can hold out feeling so disabled by this depression every day.

I believe that sometimes your depression is a reaction to traumas and emotional pain that is real. We keep trying different pills to make the pain go away.

I don't think that can ever be accomplished.

How can it not hurt when the people you love the most keep hurting you?

Lack of Love or concern I (don't get from my sisters and brothers have heart broken me for life.

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