I'm a 41 yr. old female who has suffered depression, anger, abuse, and need to control people since I was 5 or 6. I can remember my Mom being depressed and sleeping until 12 noon when I was only 3 years old.
My whole life I've been jealous of friends and boyfriends if they picked me over another friend for an activity. I've gotten so angry that I've always shifted friends and never had more than one or 2 at a time. I began having severe panic attacks at age 19 and had to quit my job due to them at age 24. I also became a prescription drug abuser (hydrocodone) in my 30's and that lasted almost 10 years. I married a very controlling husband and finally got the courage to ask for divorce 3 years ago.
I've been on almost every medication you can name. Prozac got me through my 20's but it did start to lose it's effect. I have a very hard time with side effects. I had to start Prozac on a 5mg liquid baby dose & work up over a couple months. My latest crisis is Abilify. It finally helped with my mood & energy but on 5 mg. a day I gained 40 pounds in 4 months and couldn't stay cool, my body temp. was always hot. I had my hormones checked and all was just fine. I had to discontinue the Abilify to lose the weight but now I'm on Geodon and am sick, shaky, sick to my stomach, and can't get motivated or calm down.
I've never been diagnosed with Bi-Polar but have been on the meds for it. Nothing is helping.
I'm so lost right now. I have a 9 year old son who I want to be there for but "Moms always sick". I do pull it together if I have to for my son but without my ex-husbands help I couldn't be the primary care giver. Some days I wish I wasn't here but that's not an option with such a precious child's life in the balance.
I have no idea what to try even my doctors are puzzeled. Does anyone else have a story like this? A lifetime of depression? If so, did anything work?
I have no interest in anything and just want to be left by myself, it's no way to live!!
Thanks for reading!
