Here's what I've learned from 25 years in a 12-step program: The partner of the person in treatment is often even sicker than the "patient." Your boyfriend seems to be depending on you for his happiness, and that's co-dependence, and it's hurting you. He needs to get in a support group, and quit imposing his fears on you.

Put your palms together and then let your fingers fold over, so you have "one" hand. That's how dependent people want to feel with another person. "We are one, you are my soulmate, we were meant or each other." That's what babies need to feel, so they can gradually feel brave enough to become independent, but still feel loved and safe. It's very probable that you and your boyfriend didn't get that as babies, and now you look for it as adults in other people - and each other. I'm sure you know someone who has been living with a drunk, for instance. You can't understand why they don't leave, but they stay - sometimes they start drinking too. Then, when the drunk gets sober, and actually starts getting better, the partner is more unhappy because they aren't changing, too.

Separate emotionally enough from each other to walk in the world by yourself. Don't keep each other from growing and healing. You both need help, separately and in couples therapy. Saying "I feel guilty" is your ego wanting to control the situation. There is hope, if you stop letting your ego run your life. Make your own healing your first priority, letting go of ego second, then work and family. In that order. One day at a time.