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The Power of Connection

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Judy

Judy

Mon, September 21, 2009

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Yesterday, I was helping at a fundraiser for an organization that enables developmentally disabled adults to live as independently as possible in a small community setting; my son is part of this community.  I was thinking about how excited they all were to participate in this 3-mile walk and to spend the time together.  Some of the residents are physically disabled, as well, and many are on the autism spectrum.  I happen to know that a number of them are also struggling with depression, including my son.  None of them have an easy life, as most of us with "normal" intelligence would see it, yet they are so grateful for ANY kindness or attention they receive, you don't have to do much to earn their friendship.  It makes me wonder how they manage as well as they do.  Some of them have little to be joyful about in their lives, but they're not bitter.  For instance, it's difficult for many of them to get any kind of job and now in this recession, quite a few people are not working at all or working very few hours, which limits even further the things they have the freedom to do.

 

I've not known of any resident, past or present, who has committed suicide, which got me to wonder about a few things.  I can get so bogged down in negativity and self-hate that makes me want to pull away from other people.  Yet, these disabled adults somehow know that it's important for them to depend on each other and help each other out, even when they're depressed.   They never seem to lose hope.  How do they do that?  I wonder if it has something to do with the simplicity of their hearts, they wear them on their sleeves.  I, on the other hand, will not so easily admit if I need something from someone, or even if I really admire something about someone, trying to keep that distance.  I don't always have the simplicity in my heart of knowing that tomorrow could be a better day or that I won't feel bad every single day of my life.  I can get too wrapped up in my own misery to see that we all need connection to keep going, whether it's friends, family or even others on this web site.

 

So, yesterday I realized a few things about life and survival from people who don't even know they're teaching me!

9/21/09 5:53pm

Dear Judy, glad you enjoyed the Day. Ive always found that these special people teach me so much. i dont have an answer. Are their perceptions/expectations of life more realistic? they dont seem as disallusioned or affected by the constant stream of Media hype about possessions etc., also there seems to be great empathy and a great sense of Community. I really think very few are lonely. Its lovely to think your son has got such a good quality of life. One he deserves so much

9/22/09 1:53pm

Thank you for writing this Judy!

 

Now you have me thinking.  Of course I am thinking of my son who has autism...yeah...certain things would just never occur to him.  He can act up pretty good but I know that he will never lie, cheat, or steal.  He is...innocent and guileless.  Sometimes this will make life very hard for him but in other ways...it protects him.  He isn't sitting and ruminating about why life is hard. 

 

I will never forget a client I had who...was dieing of breast cancer.  This woman was mentally retarded and in her fifties by then.  But she kept smiling...even to the day she died.  Her face really has stuck in my mind after all these years. 

 

There is a price to pay for being...less aware or concerned with the depths of life.  I don't know if I would say I would want to trade places with my son.  It is sort of a mute point anyway.  But...there is something to be said for having a pure spirit. 

 

I hope you write more Judy...you are good at it.  I definitely want to hear more of your thoughts and experiences.  Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us.

9/22/09 8:29pm

     What a fabulous thing you did, going and doing this walk.  Also, what a fabulous thing this group did for you. Smile 

     Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all see the world and each other as these people or as small children do.  To wake up happy everyday and enjoy being with family and friends.  Enjoy life.  Some people think these people are disabled/defective,...but I think they are beautiful gifts! 

9/23/09 10:18am

Thanks for the comments, everyone.  One thing I should mention that I didn't in the post is that I DO notice in a lot of the higher functioning people a very profound loneliness, which I think might be due to their higher awareness of their differences and the difficulty they have in initiating social contact.  But, it doesn't seem like they let it overwhelm them to the point where they feel hopeless and unlovable, whereas a lot of us "normal" folks can get really obsessed with that.

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