Diary Post Day 1 08-10-09

aKnight35  Welcome, Im fairly new to the site as well ! It is a safe place, there are wonderful people here, you will find that some peope can really relate to YOUR particular problems, I hope you find this site as helpful as I have, its really a saviour for me because I choose not to tell the whole world, and those Ive told, dont really want to know. Take care of yourself

Oh judy, you all probably have an idea of how long it was....i finally went to bed about 6 am and then was back up again at 8 am and it is a nightmare...i don't know if any of you want to hear about my last 4 hours trying ton get help from my medical team. Admitting that i have a prescripdtion drug problem on top of mixed to rapid cycling bipolar. My husband and i fighting over money, bc I am an impulsive spender. Thing is my husband doesn't want me to go without things so if i say i need something even if i don't he sometimes buys it. Not always. He has had to go through being married previously bipolar person for 17 years putting him in bankruptcy twice, and having federal charges against her for fraud, and now she is incarcerated for death of a child due to neglect. She was violent, i am trying not to be. I can be if i let that rage inside me go during the wrong situation. I have asked my family to take care of my grandmother for the next week (i am her caregiver for her meds and doc appts) so that i can get straight with my meds and my doctor, myself, and my husband.l So much more....may have to ask me questions to jog my memory a little...right now i am going through withdrawls, and new meds. Thanks so much for listening to me bc i am loosing about all the support i thought that i had.

Hi, sure hope you can get your medical needs taken care of soon, you must feel frantic trying to take care of so much at once.  It's good you're getting someone else to help with your grandmother right now.  After you get yourself stabilized, maybe you might want to think about getting couples counseling - it can really help you understand each other better.  I highly recommend it because I've been in a similar situation (not the same issues) and never thought I could talk to my husband, but the therapy really helped and we've been at it a long time.  The good news is that you ARE coping with this in the best way you can, trying not to make things worse for your family and trying to help yourself, trying not to direct your rage at those you love.  That's never worth the momentary relief you might feel.

 

Feel free to write whenever it helps.  As Paul mentioned, this site isn't monitored, but many of us check in periodically.  We're supposed to get notified if there is a reply made to us, but it hasn't been working too well lately, so if someone doesn't respond right away, it's not that you're being ignored.  Let us know how things are progressing, it sounds like you are heading in the right direction, anyway, by connecting with your medical providers.  Try to hang on the best you can, it will get better, don't give up.  Hope to hear from you again.

i swear sometimes i have thought about writing a book. you know start back at the first memory that i can remember and start there. but then i would go on a tangent. Forget what i have written, all kinds of things. My mind is completely fried rigt now. Frantic doesnt even describe it. They have put me on Lamictal and abilify only bc i have now admitted to abusing prescription nerve medications to my doctor.

 

I have famiy that is going to make sure she has supper, but other than that i may have to help out. There is so much going on in my head i just wishit would just shut off sometimes.

Maybe some day you CAN write a book. I've written a few things myself that I've thought about putting together into a book - I'd have to write under a pseudonymn. Glad you got to your doctor and that you were honest about the other medications - they need to know everything to get you the right help. Just focus on getting better for now. You could start your book with the stuff you post on this site! Glad to see you're still hanging in there - keep us posted.