Not with depression

thank you merely me....i think they keep telling me that i should go to a meeting every day for 90 days before getting a sponsor. I don't understand that but okay. i told everyone about the chat room that i go to most of the time. I have found that it is like a big family. some i can relate to better than others, bickering or not bickering...everyone seems to rally when someone doesnt show up (and this is just on line)....pass on hellos, and what not but i know it is still not exactly what i need bc i feel like i am a chat room junkie now although that is the only one i go to...and this one but this isnt chatting i dont think...more like bullentin board like. Which is cool for me too, bc i couldnt keep up with it all the time...at some point i need to start doing as i am suppose to as a wife, mom, and such...but i know that it is still early yet and i have to take baby steps with those things until i start getting better...i don't think that my meds are working...i am lazy, tired, wired, and i have gained 10 lbs just the week i have been on them...very uncomfortable to me...i see my doc on the 19th...so hopefully we can work something out so that i can get better regulated...some people have suggested that i get on lithium but i have heard that can be nasty stuff....and the addiction thing scares me b/c it has to go with my disease...so maybe if i get my disease under control then i could control my mania and depression and addiction a little better...it is just i think that i need something stronger or have more patience or both....another thing that scares me is in the NA meetings you are around ppl who can and have gotten alot atronger and illeagal drugs...but if my addiction was bad enough or i thought my doc was not going to help fix me so to speak with my help then i have access to ppl who can get me what i need....but i would think that there is an unwritten rule that you dont go to someone in recovery...i wouldnt want someone coming to me...but how far could my temptation take me if i wanted it bad enough...i dont know about all that...i dont think i could do it....go to an addict that is in NA, trying to get themselves clean off drugs that are alot harder than mine...i dont even think it is the drugs so to speak it is the thought of them making the irrational side of me go away...even for a little while...but isnt that what addicts say, just one more time to get me through???no i dont think i could do that...at least i pray to God not...i did ask the lunch manager at the Salvation Army on the days he could use help...maybe to give me something to do...when i walked in there today before meeting it so suprised me how many ppl needed a meal...i have led a very sheltered life...well that is all i have for now. Actually kind of tired for a change...

ak 90 meetings in 90 days is to help jump start your getting clean  we do that in aa too. someone in na getting you drugs needs to be exposed, reported, confronted or tell your sponsor or someone and let them handle it  then move across room from that person.  I am just telling you what it s like in 12 step rooms. at least aa and na. I went to an al anon meeting about a week ago. they read out of about 5 books and i had a major panic attack. they seemed like extremely ill people not addressing their stuf instead focusing on alcoholic which is not what al anon is all about. i wont be doing that for a while again. i did learn to laugh about it when i told my aa and they laughed themselves to death so i had to see the funny in that!!!  I hope the aa and na people come forward on here so we can share blunders and funny stuf, etc., but not try to turn thif into a 12 step meeting  im sure everyone else would appreciate that!  Kelti