Monday, August 24, 2009
I am so tired of emotions. I am being told by others that all goes through it. I don't understand why we have to go through emotions so deeply while trying to go through so much other stuff. I don't understand why it seems like my depression hits me at the strangest times for no reason at all. I don't want to do anything, i don't even want to get out of bed. Yet, my body hurts when i lay around but i don't want to do anything. I get like this everyday......i am tired. Just absolutely tired.
You sound exhausted, aknight. That's probably part of the depression. I think sometimes that the emotions feel so strong because when we're depressed, a lot of strong emotion is held down, ignored, not felt and then when there's a little chink in the armor and some of it comes out, it's so much more forceful. It's not always fun, that's for sure. But experiencing them means you eventually will get to have the good emotions, too, because when you shut them off, you shut them ALL off. The alternative to having emotions is feeling dead and personally, between the two, I'd rather feel the pain of the emotion than feel dead. I've done the dead feeling phase and it didn't fix a single thing, only delayed whatever I needed to face.
So, rest when you need to, you can take a break, but don't wish away your emotions. It's part of being human and finding ways to handle your feelings is part of the healing. Spend more time with people who care about you and less with those who don't. Yes, it sucks sometimes, but you can find support here and with others who care what happens to you. Hope you feel better soon.