Explaining self-harm (some Christian content - but mainly general)

"You can ‘just ‘snap out of it' - or ‘just say no.' "Self-harm is a coping mechanism. I usually liken it to the way other people 'drown their sorrows in drink.' In each case there is an immediate 'benefit' of reduction of stress etc.or making us feel ‘with it' when we feel ‘spaced out', but in each case there are long-term problems - with drinking, liver damage, with self-harm, scars, with overdoses liver and kidney damage, and in both cases a feeling of failure, regret and revulsion. In both cases also, having used a method several times, it comes to mind as our first way of dealing with stress, dissociation etc. and becomes harder to resist, and can become an addiction.

If we vow to give up, but do not have alternative strategies in place to cope with the feelings that draw us to self-harm, we are unlikely to succeed - or if we do, we can easily channel our self-harm into another bad coping mechanism. We may stop cutting, scratching, burning, or whatever our preferred method was, but channel our hurt into eating problems such as ‘comfort eating' or missing meals, missing essential medication, or ‘taking just a little more than prescribed.'

What can we do to help?

If someone we know is self-harming, despite our initial shock, and possibly revulsion, it is important that they know that we are ‘there for them.' We do not condemn them, even though we don't understand.

We need to recognize that it might be more harmful in the long run to force them into giving up when they are not ready, but we can help minimize the harm - sterile tools, steristrips, bandages, plasters and, if the wound is very bad, hospital for stitches.

It is not a good idea to ask to see their scars. They may show you when they feel ready, but it can be very scary.

It is important that the person is put in touch with people who can give support. For many, this is the GP - although, sadly, some are less than understanding. (Sometimes we, who have ‘been there' may be in the position of educating our doctors, ministers etc.) A good counselor is very beneficial.

There are some excellent websites - I recommend www.adullam-ministries.org.uk or www.siari.org.uk. There are also some very helpful books. However, if we have a problem with self-harm, we need to be aware that when we are ‘not in a good place' ourselves, books which talk about other people's self-harm can trigger urges in us.

There are telephone helplines when our urges are strong, or we feel that we are unable to cope with life. Some, like the Samaritans, also run an email support service.

As we recover, we may need to work through certain things, and it helps us if you can encourage us to do so.

 Sometimes we may find it difficult to express or even recognize our feelings, so we need to ask ourselves "What am I feeling?" It may be anger, hurt, self-disgust or it may be frustration - sometimes with physical pain.