Depression - My First SharePost

Hello...I know depression comes in many forms, and I've read alot about it but I'm not sure what to write. My depression started many, many, many years ago when I was a child. My parents were alcoholics and when I began to understand alcoholism, so started my depression. Depsite the family discussions, it continued and my father eventually killed himself as a result. I'm older now (obviously) after dealing with the guilt for several years, and realized that as a child I had no control over them. THEY were the adults, but we are in some situations we can't get out of in life we can only make the best of it until we can move on. That's what I did. I vowed it would never happen to me. It almost did. I live with my children and after divorcing their father, have done nothing for the past 14 years but care for them and raise them to be good people. I hope I succeeded. But it wasn't easy and the depression followed me. In the last few years, I began to realize that I can control how I feel by my actions. Did I cause the bad feelings by doing something to someone intentionally? I always try to treat people as I want to be treated to avoid feeling bad. That happens quite often on it's own - without my help! I have also realized that DRINKING is NOT the answer. Nor are drugs. They are a temporary 'feel good' solution to the problem and if the problem isn't resolved, then the it will re-occur causing it to escalate to a tragic end. I've seen some of the results of the alcoholism. In my case, my mother decided to resume her drinking - I don't know why. Sometimes I can't be in the same room with her - even if she's not drinking. And no, I can't discuss it with her. Her response has been (in the past) and will be, "It's none of your business". So...I deal with my feelings. I believe my depression to be situational but sometimes it's not and I just don't understand that. I could have a good day - everything go well...even traffic - and still be depressed. That's the most difficult part of it. I've been to Psychiatrists who have told me, "You just need to get out". That's not the answer. Although, I can tell you visiting a nearby lake is therapeutic. Seeing the sun on the water has a very calming effect. I highly recommend it.  I know I'm not alone and hope anyone who wants to communicate with me does so. I enjoy helping others. A "GOOD" day to all.