This seems to be an ongoing theme with me. Trying to figure out what I did wrong when someone else gets their feelings hurt, or when someone else bugs the hell out of me and I let them know it. It can't always be wrong to say what you think...but I end up feeling that way. And if I don't say what I really think, then I feel guilty about that. I would say I don't feel guilt about much (I mean about "sin.") Except when I speak up. I almost always feel guilt about that. Why? I think this has led to a lot of my depression -- wishing I hadn't said something that I really thought it was right to say at the time.
For instance, the guy upstairs has been hinting that he wants to go out with me only he says it is "not really going out, just having pancakes and coffee." Well, isn't that going out? It is to me. Does this say something about his inability to commit -- not even to commit even to asking me out? Am I just supposed to jump at the hint and gush, "Oh yes, please let's have breakfast" without his even asking me? So, I got tired of the game. I tired of dating games a long time ago. And I just told him, "Hey, I'm not interested right now. I've got too many other things going on." And you would think I had torpedoed him right out of the water. In other words, he didn't take my "rejection" well. Now, I feel depressed that I somehow hurt his feelings, that I am helping him dig a deeper hole for his self-image to slide into. Why? Maybe it says something about my own self-image?
Published On: March 03, 2011