I feel I am at the bottom. My depression goes untreated because the side effects of the various antidepressants I've tried are horrendous. I am also recently unemployed and my wife is disabled and can't work. For the first time in 15 years, I have become suicidal.
I can't afford treatment...even those so called free clinics charge what THEY think you can afford.
My marrage is falling apart at the seams. I am always irritable, and suffer from anxiety as well.
Basically, I am ready to pull the plug on my life, but I know it would devastate my wife.
Some days it takes everything I have just to not lie in bed in a fetal position.
My father suffered from severe depression and treated it with alcohol. My brother is bipolar, and treated his condition the same way. For decades, I treated my depression with marijuana, but had to stop because of workplace drug testing. Then I began treating it with prescription pain killers.
I have been drug free for years now, but the severity of my depression has become unbearable.
When things are bad (like now), I try to treat it by playing music (I play guitar, harmonica, and drums).
This actually helps some, as it is difficult to be depressed while playing music, but the problem is making the effort to pick up the guitar in the first place.
Anyway, that's where I am. I would love to be able to help someone here, but I can't seem to even help myself.
