Sometimes I feel as if I just cannot be a normal person and be happy. It's like everytime I think I am on the right track, something happens and I'm right back where I started. My whole life has been a struggle, from a mother who was addicted to pills and never had time to do anything with me....a young girl really needs a mother and I never had one.....always having arguing and bickering in my household...I would find myself just trying to hind from it all.....I kept myself so busy for so long that it never really hit me until I was no longer busy....and that's when this sadness has all started.....then I find an amazing man who I thought really loves me and was going to in a way save me from the pain....but instead he brought more pain by cheating on me....I gave him another chance and we are still together and going on 2 years I find it to be a struggle just to keep it together....I feel like no matter what I do in my life....I just can't be happy....and I want to soo very badly....I feel very alone because I dont have parents that I talk to....My friends are not where I am....and my boyfriend I have a hard time to trust and he is never home now because of his job.....Do you think I can be happy again? And if so what can I do in order to make things better?
Hi there
I want to give you some hope...in that I do believe it is possible for you to feel happy and more so...to experience joy.
It is very diffcult when you do not have parents to rely upon. I know how that is...I grew up with a mom who has a serious mental illness called schizophrenia. I was more the parent than she was. There are many times in life when it would be nice to call upon a parent...for support...for wisdom...for nurturing. When you miss out on these things...it leaves a hole inside of you.
The thing is...nobody can fill that for you. Your boyfriend cannot fill it. The hard thing to accept is you must fill it yourself. How? Now that is the million dollar question. I think some of it is filled when you realize that you have so much to give. You must give to yourself and to others what you did not get as a child.
Nurture yourself. Be kind to yourself. Know that you are good and worthy.
I know it feels lonely. But there are so many others going through the same thing. You are definitely not alone.
You hang in there and write more when you feel like it. I want to hear more of your story.