Again I feel as if it is such a struggle....A struggle to just make my life make sense.....I know that I am not my mother but I feel so much as if I am becoming her day by day.....does that mean that I am starting to realize maybe what she went through? Am I wrong for being so angry with her for her addiction? I put her through rehab 3 times and everytime she failed me and my brothers! I don't know....I feel as if I was taking a good direction...the things that I was doing, was staying busy...hanging out with the friend that I met here....telling myself that things that would normally drive me over the edge wouldn't.....I went to a therapist for a couple of months and I feel as if that didn't help me as much....maybe I wasn't fully committed although I felt as I was....I wish I could get back to my old self...where I wouldnt let anybody see me cry....where I had things really going for me.... is it that I allow people to walk all over me? Is that why I feel as if things are falling apart around me? My boyfriend tells me that he cannot deal with this anymore? He doesnt understand what this feels like....and as I try to explain just tears fall out and I feel like he doesnt care to understand....he should be the one here for me right now....is it really that much of a burden on another person that doesnt know what it feels like to go through this? Is he turning his back on me...like maybe I turned my back on my mother? Well hopefully tomorrow will be a better day...because today wasn't a positive day!
Hey Greeneyes..wow you have several things going on so let me see if I can give you some input from my expereinces...
RE: Mother...
Anger has its place but it can also be a debiliating emotion. I cannot count how many times I have been hurt from those closest in my life. For me, I have learned that I have to forgive those who have wronged me..mot forget but forgive. When I do this, it really does take a load off my shoulders and puts me on the path of healing and moving forward. Easy? Not at all.
RE: Boyfriend...
I have mentioned this before in previous posts but I have found that people will tend to avoid those things that they do not understand. There are support groups for people married/dating those with depression..this may be something you guys can look into.
RE: Turn your back...
My 2 cents again here....As much as you need your boyfriend to be there for you, I can assume that your mother feels the same. With the assumption that you have already opened up with her and let her know your true-feelings, do your best about letting the past go (believe it or not, offten those things that are most difficult in your life are those very things that make you a stronger person)
TRUE Friends
Your true friends are not those that hang around when when things are great...but the ones that are there when you need them the most even when they do not understand.
FYI: me personally, I have 2 such friends...and 100's of good time friends :)
Christian,
Thank you so much for your time and energy to write a comment.....it means a lot to me that someone can do that....I just have a lot to think about.....and it is nice to be able to write how I feel and have someone like you give me great advice....I really appreciate it and thank you very much...