all i want is to love again

By feebaysocute Tuesday, November 30, 2010

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im not on antidepressents but i constantly feel numb, like my bain is empty, and like my heart is barely beating... it's my seinor year and i'm not even excited, i just got a internship with my bestfriend and i dont feel any thing at all.... but worst of all me and my boyfriend of almost 3 years are moving in with eachother this summer and im scared because i cant feel anything for him...or anybody else in my life, mom, dad, sister, dog, rabbit....

my granfather just died and his funeral was on saturday, i could bearly even feel enough to shed a tear...

will i ever feel again, will i ever love my wonderful boyfriend raymond again... will my heart ever work again....

p.s Merely Me thank you for all the times you have commented on my post... and srry i have not wrote you back.... your advice is always very helpful :)

vivid dreams

Comments (4) | Add comment

Judy

11/30/10 11:20pm

I'm sorry that you lost your grandfather - I know I still miss mine more than 50 years later. Have you seen a psychologist or a therapist? It sounds like you could use the support of one and maybe you could use medication. Numbness is a hallmark of depression, for sure. Do you think you still love your boyfriend, deep down inside? If you're not sure, maybe moving in with him is not the best idea as you could end up feeling trapped - which is another trigger for depression. And just having gone through a big loss doesn't help, either.

I hope you'll seek someone out to talk to about all of this; if you need help finding someone or don't have the resources, let us know so we can offer some suggestions. Please take care.

feebaysocute

12/ 1/10 7:17am

i know that i still love him.... he is my first hug, kiss, date, my first love and we plan to spend our lives togethere... i know because it's not just him that i feel nothing for, it's my favorite class, teacher, family, even my fat pet rabbit... and i know she can tell, because she has withdrawn from me.... i am going to call to get free councling from a friend today... i know it will help... i would do just about anything to feel again

Merely Me, Health Guide

12/ 2/10 4:44pm

Hi again

And thanks for your note at the end of your post. I am so glad to hear that anything I say may be useful.

You really are going through a lot...grief...a big change of a physical move as well as moving forward with your relationship...and your senior year. This is a lot to take in and make sense from.

When would you say was the last time you felt more emotions? Was it a gradual process to feel numb or was there a significant life event which came before the numb feelings?

I do think that a therapist or counselor could help you to uncover what is blocking your emotions. If you could guess at what the cause is...what would you say?

Maybe start with a sentence of "I feel....." and then fill in the blank with whatever comes to mind and run with it...even if it is to decribe not feeling. Writing it out can be one way to explore this.

I really would like to think that you will feel again...but you may need some help to do so.

Keep writing here. I hope it helps you. And we like to hear what you have to say.

Thanks for sharing.

feebaysocute

12/ 6/10 7:05pm

I remember the last night I felt normal it was around this time last year... me and raymond were waiting for the bus, standing under somebodys awning... because it was raining... I just remember feeling so happy to be with him and I was glad because I was with the people I loved for the holidays... :)... then I just started changing and feeling angry and irritable, like I was losing myself... I dont know what started it all...

all i want is to love again

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