I JUST WANT TO SHARE THAT TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY FOR ME.I WOKE UP THIS MORNING LIKE USUAL SCARED.I DONT KNOW WHY I ALWAYS WAKE UP SCARED,BUT THIS MORNING WAS DIFFERANT.THE THOT OF FEAR CAME,BUT I TOLD MYSELF INSTINTLY WEN THAT THOT CAME "DONT CRASH" "I HAVE TO KEEP GOING" AND FOR SOME REASON IT BLOCKED OUT THE FEELING OF FEAR.SO I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT LITTLE" PEACE" THAT CAME UPON ME,AND GOT UP AND TOOK MY KIDS TO SCHOOL,I CAME HOME AND MANAGED TO HAVE A TINY CONVERSATION WITH A NIEGHBOR,AND STILL WATERED MY PLANTS,I WAS SO PROUD OF MYSELF BCUS I NORMALLY,TAKE MY KIDS TO SCHOOL AND TRY TO HURRY BACK IN MY HOUSE,I NEVER TALK TO PEOPLE CUS IM SCARED,EVEN THOUGH I WUD LOVE TOO BE ABLE TO HAVE FULL BLOWN CONVERSATIONS WITH MY NIEGHBORS ESPECIALLY,LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE.ITS BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE I'VE HAD A NORMAL TALK WITH SOMEONE.I ALWAYS AVOID CONVERSATIONS WITH ANYBODY,I DONT KNOW WHY... WELL,I MEAN I KNOW WHY,ITS CUS THIS FEAR AND NERVOUSNOUS THAT I FEEL,I DONT KNOW WERE IT COMES FROM THOUGH.ANYWAYS,LIKE I WAS SAYING I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF TODAY,EVEN THOUGH IT WAS JUST FOR A FEW HOURS THAT I FELT SOMEWHAT OK.BUT ALSO THE REST OF THE DAY I WAS ABLE TO GET MORE DONE THEN USUAL.YES I FELT THAT FEAR ALL DAY LONG,BUT I WAS ABLE TO TALK IT AWAY,I WUD JUST SAY THE SAME THING FROM THIS MORNING,I SAID TO MYSELF "DONT CRASH,I HAVE TO KEEP ON GOING"AND SOMEHOW I WAS ABLE TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH,AND KEEP GOING THREW MY DAY,GETTING THINGS DONE.OH AND I DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT TAKING A XANAX.BUT I THINK IM GOING TO NEED ONE TONGHT ANYWAY WEN I GO TO BED,CUS IM FEELING THE TIGHTNESS IN MY CHEST AGAIN,BUT I THINK IM JUST TIRED CUS I DID SO MUCH TODAY.PLUS IT HELPS ME GET MY SLEEP.. GOD! I HOPE THIS MEANS IM GOING TO START FEELING BETTER,OR FEELING MORE LIKE MYSELF...PRAY FOR ME YOU GUYS... AND I WISH EVERYBODY IS ALSO FEELING BETTER,DONT GIVE UP PEOPLE,TRY TO KEEP YOUR HOPE UP.REMEMBER ITS LITTLE BY LITTLE,DAY BY DAY... I KNOW WE ARE GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS ONE DAY!! !
GOD IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF TODAY !
