I found myself in rather an odd position yesterday. I met up with a friend that I haven't seen in over a month and during that time we both had something rather major come in and change our lives. For once I had a good thing happen... and she had something awful occur.
All these years I have maintained to friends that they should not feel guilty for sharing good news with me, that I love to hear it, despite how down and out I have been, and yet I found it so hard to bring up my own joyous news. You see, her father died of a shock heart attack. Despite being 25yrs old she still lives at home with her parents and was very close to her father - there was none of the distance and difficulty I have with my parents, her relationship with her parents was one that fairytales are written about.
We began by speaking about her father's death... and at some point she asked me how I had been. I have to admit that the first time that she asked I deflected the conversation back around to her. It just seemed so wrong to smile and start gushing about my boyfriend. She had just lost someone - now was not the time to boast about a person that I had gained within my life, especially when both individuals mean so much.
Eventually I had to tell her, of course, because my life over the last month has pretty much revolved around 'my man' (as I like to call him). And she was as enthusiastic and as happy for me as I have been for her over the years when things have worked out for her and I have had the shit things to deal with... it was just odd to be on the other side. I can distinctly remember her being so reticient to tell me that she had gotten a job that she really wanted when I was in the depths of my depression and barely leaving my room having stopped working because I could no longer cope. I had laughed at her and told her that she shouldn't feel awkward because it was good to hear about good things - that it helped to raise my spirits, even if the good thing was happening to someone else. The shoe was on the other foot and I have to say... well I'm not sure it's an 'I didn't like it', but it was harder than I thought it would be. Felt a little uncomfortable.
Who would have thought it'd be so difficult to share with someone something wonderful that has happened? Especially something that you instinctively want to boast about.
It is very good to hear good news. I love to hear good news. It reinforces my sometimes floundering belief that there IS good in the world and that it often gets spread around pretty evenly. If we look for it.
My niece just found out she is expecting her second child. The first is 18 mo old and they are getting ready to move into a new house, so the news while exciting to them was also a little frought with panic. How to move while pregnant. How to deal with jealousy that will doubtless arise in their darling little girl. Whether thehr existing house will sell quickly. That was Thursday. Friday there were signs that she might miscarry, but she's going to the ob/gyn today to get a thorough check-up and see what's going on. We are all hoping that the baby is still thriving. We are all willing to help with the move and the babysitting. Somehow the good news and the bad news is a uniting factor, it seems, before the news becomes fact. Sometimes after the fact, like a birth or a death, things do not seem so united. Isn't that odd? I guess because the external changes mean internal changes...and we all have to deal with those individually, often requiring a certain distance and deliberation.
I hope you find some good news to hang on to. I am feeling great today, and what a blessing that is! It is only 8:20am and I have a whole day ahead of me to do whatever I please. I have called my therapist to set up an appointment for (hopefully) this week and expect her to return my call at any time. And I am even somewhat exultant in going back because at our first meeting in 2 yrs, she angered and upset me. But now that I have had a month to reconsider, I can see that there are things I need to work on...and no therapist is perfect. Maybe her "rubbing me the wrong way" made my hair stand on end, yes, but it also pointed up some defective growth in the wrong direction. And if I go a second time and she still seems harsh, then I will move on to another therapist. But I'm going to give her a second chance despite initial misgivings.
People need all the encouragement they can get to talk about things, whether good OR bad. But often, they do seem more willing to talk about the bad. And I don't think this is because more "bad" happens but because we need more help in coping with the bad. It's not that difficult to cope with the good! But is is encouraging, yes, to hear good news on any front.
Hi Donna,
I'm glad you're feeling good (and hope you still feel it today as you did writing to me) and I really hope your neice does not have a miscarraige (such a horrible thing to have happen). How did things with your therapist go? I must admit last time I got mad at a doctor who was helping me a bit like a therapist would I didn't go back to her - you are more forgiving than I am and I hope that your willingness to give a second chance paid off.
My niece's ob/gyn said she is not pregnant despite 4 different brands of pregnancy tests saying "Positive" and he wanted to put her on some kind of medication. She is holding off on the medication because...you know, doctors can be wrong. Maybe she IS pregnant.
And speaking of my therapist, I am being patient with her because of #1 she really helped me a lot 2 years ago in a short period of time. #2 she has a very strong personality which I naturally shy away from and maybe it will do me good to learn how to deal with a therapist who is like this so I can transfer it to "outside" relationships. (One of my goals is to be able to stand up to people and voice my own opinion.)
Yes, I am feeling great today. Isn't it somewhat weird that there are these periods of feeling extra-well followed by periods of feeling really lousy, with no change of medication or circumstance? But maybe "normal" folks go through that too?