Well I was asked to talk about my boyfriend... and to be honest after my last couple of days spent with him I felt like I had something to share here anyway. First off does he treat me well? Exceptionally. What is he like? Intelligent, funny, into the arts like myself (though more music where I am into the writing and acting, and we have both dabbled in drawing/painting), enjoys reading, movies, walking and travel like I do, and likes enough different things to keep things interesting. 

So why did I feel I had something to share here especially? You see I had a bit of a sit down conversation with him about some of the less attractive sides of myself - the self harming and self-destructive stuff. He had a bit of a hard time computing some of it, and admitted he didn't really understand such behaviour... and yet he didn't judge me for a second, and even as he struggled with some of the more shameful confessions that I made he hugged me and continued to talk with me through it. He held me as I cried, and I then ended up holding him for a while as he cuddled up into me on the couch almost as a child would snuggle into the embrace of a parental figure when lost or upset over something (which I found amazing because he didn't back away - he sought me out for a connection through it all).

He admitted there were a couple of points that were bothering him. One was that he was worried I might act in such ways again (self-harm/self-destructive stuff). I had to admit to him that I can not promise I will not do it again - sort of like an addict cannot promise never to abuse whatever substance he or she once abused again, only being able to state that they wish to change and are going to fight their impulses as much as possible. I also told him that I felt better around him and could promise him that at the moment I have no urges to act in such ways. This led to the second thing - he didn't know if he could handle being responsible for my happiness and well being. I assured him I do not think he is responsible at all, that nobody is, and that I was just stating that it just seems like I feel good around him. I simply want him to be him, that is all, and would count myself lucky to continue to spend time with him.

The rest of that day I felt a bit more distant from him than usual, even as we continued to connect on and off and he did nice things for me... then the next day we talked a bit more about it and he said that he isn't perfect either and that everyone has flaws/things they don't like about themselves, and everything seems pretty normal between us again. In fact as he said that stuff I recalled something he said to me at one point during our discussion that first day I revealed some of my stuff - he said 'you are still the same person to me, that part hasn't changed', so he is still attracted to me and still can see all the things he seemed to like about me before, despite me revealing some ugly sides of myself. And he then invited me to dinner with him and his friend who he had made previous plans to see a movie with so I could spend more time with him before I went home, insisting that he would like me to come when I said I'd understand if he wanted to spend some time just with his friend, and he has made plans to see me again soon - all of which helps combate any paranoia that he might not want to be with me anymore.