The weather has gotten uncharacteristically cold here in Australia. We've been having some very nice warm and sunny days, some may even say that it was too hot, and then all of a sudden it changed. Now we're all bundled up, trying to stay indoors as much as possible to get away from the rain pouring down, wondering where our summer has got to. Not that it is summer yet, it's spring, it's just it now feels like we've returned to winter.
Perhaps the dreary weather is part of the reason why I feel quite content to stay locked up in my bedroom. I have no wish other than to be left to my own devices, bumming around on the internet, returning to writing some more of my novel in spurts between games, rereading Harry Potter when I want some escapism out of my own imagination, and occasionally watching a DVD. I leave my room only to go to the bathroom, eat something, or perhaps do a house chore or two. And that's just the way I like it.
What's wrong with that? Nothing... other than I'm hiding a bit from the real world. I have no desire to interact with anyone - not even my boyfriend. I'm not being rude, because when my Dad or brother are in the house and I pass them by I chat if they want to, and when my boyfriend called I spoke with him, too... I'd just be quite fine on my own without any human contact right now.
All in all, considering some of the ways that I have acted out when feeling depressed in the past, I don't think that this is too bad. A little anti-social, maybe. And I'm hardly working to try and get on with life (like trying to get a job, catching up with friends, working on my acting, etc) but everyone needs a break from such things every now and then, right?
I auditioned for an acting school earlier in the week (I didn't even get asked to do the third monologue I prepared so they clearly weren't impressed by me) and I have another audition for another acting school coming up next Thurs, and I went on a site for actors and filled in a few request forms for auditions for shows and theatre productions so it's not like I haven't tried anything in that manner. And I'm writing a novel I wish to get published in the future, so that's positive and forward thinking, right? And I've agreed to have dinner with my boyfriend tomorrow... so today it's fine if I am to be left just to me, myself and I. That's what I think.
Who else likes to have some time solely to their lonesomes every now and then?
There are times were I want nothing more than "just leave me alone". Today was a good example of it. I crashed after being up for months. I don't know why. I just felt like crap. I cooked lunch and went in laid on the couch while the others ate. I needed to be alone, and they were quite ready to let me. I know that when I get like that depression is seeping in. I am not worried as I feel better right now. Being alone is good when you need quietness. Mornings I am alone for a long time before my wife awakes. This gives me time to think or write or read. Then after she wakes up we are together all the time. I like being around people, but I also need alone time..I think we all do.
Take care,
David