Breakdown of a Song

       It's funny how so many songs that are about heartbreak/lost love fit depression/my experiences/feelings.

For example ‘My Immortal' by Evanescence:

      ‘I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears' - I can't work, can't socialise properly, not able to continue my education, falling into panic attacks over the mere idea of functioning as I should.

       ‘And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave. Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone' - the real me is somewhere inside & I feel I have to fight for her but if she was really dead & gone I could either mourn her & move on properly/get on with life without her, or finally allow myself to leave.

       ‘These wounds won't seem to heal; this pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase' - the bridge is self-explanatory, don't you think?

        ‘When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears. And I held our hand through all of these years. But you still have all of me' - the chorus is about how I alone fought for me, protected me, comforted me - I now feel like the shell, the protector left whilst the kid I wanted to save is holed up deep inside only ever showing her head every now & then. She can't grow into an adult because she is hiding unable to put up with anymore. She still has ‘all of me' because I'm here fighting for her but I failed, she's a ghost haunting me now.

        ‘You used to captivate me by your resonating light' - I laughed a lot, I was full of confidence, so capable, intelligent & imaginative, full of life.

        ‘Now I'm bound by the life you left behind' - I tried to continue on but it was her life, not mine, so I wasn't up to the task. I try to continue walking the walk but everyone knows I'm just full of talk.

        ‘Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams' - as a kid I'd have great fantasy dreams & then this mermaid would appear, she was so familiar but I could never quite place her, now I think she was me. She'd laugh this glorious laugh full of happiness, joy, what my dreams were about & filled me with, sunning herself on a rock beside a glorious blue/green ocean & then all of a sudden it would all change but it was like it had always been the second way not the happy way, I just hadn't realised it before. Now the laugh was hysterical, evil, full of unpleasant emotions: pain, anger, desperation, etc. The sea around the mermaid was all choppy & scarily pitch black, storm clouds would fill the sky, thunder cracking, lightning striking far too near for comfort & all my good dreams would turn into horrendous nightmares. As the years progressed the mermaid would appear sooner & sooner in my dreaming time until she no longer had to appear - my dreams were naturally like other peoples nightmares whilst my nightmares were... no words could possibly explain it.