Dear LyraStorm,

this is a difficult situation. I think that you and your father (or step father I am not sure) should support each other now and come up with strategies. Offer your mother help in any way possible and try to help her. But if she does not seek help or want to assume some responsibility then you and your father should totally ignore her. Let her say and do what she wants, I know this is difficult. She may well get sicker and need urgent help but this way the solution to the situation will be precipitated rather than carry on for a long period. Ignore her and this usually works when people are seeking attention or getting into tantrams. If you became affected by her attempt to make life miserable for other people she could take advantage of that. In her depressive state it is normal to lash out at you. I don't know what relationship you have with your father but he sounds like a good and caring man from what you describe. Work with him and support each other. This is all I can think of and it is hard to give advice not knowing your exact situation. It is just an idea. Running away from home or from the situation is not a solution. These difficult times with no solution in sight often come in our lives. It is not a permanent situation and something will happen. Whatever happens protect yourself and remember that this is not your fault Lyra. It is painful but you can learn from this suffering. Valium and alcohol don't mix. And the next time your mum runs in the middle of the street you should call the police. I know it is difficult but sometime the police can have an effect on some people. Running down the street is dangerous not only for her but for other people. There are children in the cars and people could get hurt. It is a very irresponsible thing to do. I know how you feel. I remember one night when my mother called me iurgently because my father was breaking the furniture. I got to the house, cause I lived by myself away from home, and suddenly my father started attacking my mother. I am not violent Lyra but that night I gave him a punch on the nose that he remembered for a long time. I was not going to let him hurt my mum. I was about your age.

It is difficult Lyra I don't know what to say. The help that you can get if things turn ugly depends from which country you live in. If you live in Australia (and I guess this from things you write or from your written language) there are people who will help here. I have a lot of addresses and phone numbers where you could get help in Australia should your really decide to move out from home because you find it difficult to stay there.

My wife and I do some work for the women shelter here in Australia and I often help Father Chris Riley and his youth off the street program. We also have the mental health team here in Australia and I often help as a volunteer. Lately I have not been able to work much as a volunteer because I am studing and writing a book that some friends are helping me to finish both with content and with editing the book. So at present I am often in front of the computer and I am getting lots of emails from friends and people. There are people who can help you but whatever you do don't internalize this problem. It is not your fault. It is an unfortunate case where you have to become the adult and let your mum be the child now. It sounds ridiculous but this is what happens in our society. This is why many parents should not have children.

Alfredo

LyraStorm

9/27/09 11:54pm

Thanks Alfredo,

My Dad is being really good with my Mum but he's a pretty shut off guy so there's not much I can do to collaborate with him. We've talked a little bit - which is something where my Dad is concerned (he's the type who even when he's at home might as well not be - which is why Mum is leaving him, amongst other things i guess...).

 

I'm not planning on running away from home, I guess I was just whinging, venting, you know? It'd be nice if I had the money to live elsewhere but I don't.

 

I guess I'm just going to have to whether this storm until Mum calms down some... I just try to avoid her as much as possible cause she bites everyone's heads off and I don't like her on valium (even when shes not drinking alcohol on top of it)... she's getting help from professionals, friends, and even Dad (he still loves her so keeps helping her out even when she treats him like dirt).

 

Thanks for listening to my rant and offering comforting words (so sorry you had to deal with that incident with your Dad). I guess it's just one of those situations with no answers that you have to ride out... I was just tired and frustrated and venting...

Anonymous

9/28/09 12:07am

Thank you Lyra,

 

your father sounds like a nice person. He may need some support so maybe you could go out of your way to help him through this difficult time. He may not show that he needs help but he is probably very upset inside. I hope that your mum finds the right help and maybe keeping out of her way may be a good thing for now.

 

Everyone cares for you because you are a good person. Let us know what is going on because we do worry about you.