I'm sorry you had another panic attack - I personally hate that aspect of my mental health the most: losing control of myself like that. Though I think it's understandable that you would be triggered by people coming to see your house - if you find interacting with people difficult/nerve wracking then someone invading your personal space, coming into your home, is bound to be hard (if you're anything like me home can be a safe refuge from everyone and everything).

I don't have many friends myself yet I've got about 29 people on my facebook page too - most are family and a few are contacts in the acting industry. You really shouldn't judge yourself because of that, besides it does no good to compare yourself to others - you are you own individual and thus should be your own yardstick to measure you by.

I really hope that in time you can see yourself as the great, sensitive, caring person that you are because only when you learn to look at yourself in a kinder light will you stop worrying about bringing others down/appearing negative.

Thanks for the response and I hope you are doing well.