I've had enough

I had a big argument with my Mum Saturday night cause I got sick of her treating Dad like dirt. She ended up saying that I've thrown my shit on everyone for years (apparently she is entitled to) - I don't think that is true. I shut myself away so I don't pile it on everyone else... I hope it's not true... It hurt real bad so I disappeared Sunday - just went out without telling them where saying I wouldn't be home for dinner, didn't return till about midnight. I feel that if I'm so horrible to be around I should just vanish...

This might be too much information but I also lost my virginity yesterday. A male friend helped me out... I didn't feel much. I think I disconnected. Nerves and all that. Some might think I shouldn't have - he didn't want anything from me but sex, but I don't feel I can connect with anyone anyway to have an actual relationship.

I'm just so sick of my life being screwed up. I have no life. I want to experience things others have - but even when I am doing it I don't feel... it sucks.

I've so had enough. Of everything. I feel so nauseous, especially whenever I try to eat. I've had enough...