How do you deal with guilt?

Hey Lyra!

 

I am really glad to see you here again...you were very missed.

 

so your mom said that "you put your shit onto others"?  is this the gist of it?  Well I don't know your mom but she might be operating from a different perspective where maybe she is projecting her own guilt onto you.  Just my guess. 

 

Everyone has problems and issues.  And everyone needs help from time to time.  There is no shame in this.  It is called being human.  Depression is hard to deal with not only for the person experiencing it but also for friends and loved ones.  Sometimes they don't know what to do.  Sometimes they are depressed themselves.  Sometimes they blame themselves for our depression.

 

It is just hard on everyone.

 

But guilt doesn't help.  I think a fair assessment of the situation does.  Perhaps your mom is feeling overwhelmed.  Maybe she has her own baggage and troubles to deal with and she doesn't quite know how to help you right now.  Again...I don't know your situation or your mom so this is all guessing on my part.

 

As hard as it is...I would not take your mother message personally but rather interpret it as...she doesn't know what to do. 

 

This does leave you in a predicament of finding support for yourself.  Who are your supports?  You will need to find people you can rely upon so that you can help yourself. 

 

Don't feel guilty...don't give up on reaching out.  Your depression is not your fault but how you react...how you deal with things...this is all up to you.

 

I do hope things will get better for you Lyra.  Lean on us...we are here for you.

Lyra, I agree with Merely Me.  Hanging onto guilt only saps you of energy you could be using elsewhere.  You are only guilty of being yourself and your mother may have said what she did out of anger, knowing how it would affect you, and maybe just being frustrated at the moment.  Does she know how much that hurt you?  That's proof right there that you didn't intend to be a "burden" to her.  Maybe what you feel is not guilt, but shame over needing anything and she reminded you of times when you have been needing things.  But it's okay to need things from people, all of us do.  We want to be tough and strong, but we aren't super-human.  We're all interdependent on each other to some degree, that's just the way it is.

 

I hope you're feeling better.  I think you're an honest person who really cares about other people, so I hope you'll try to take that in.

I'm going to say something provocative....provocative in order for you to take ACTION.... I agree with what the others have been saying above. I admire your courage, I admire the way you do not want to affect others around you...GUESS WHAT...the last point is probably impossible as we all interact with one another triggering one another's emotional trigger points. Your mother feels bad cause an emotional trigger point has been reached...you feel bad because an emotional trigger point as been reached. Want to get rid of guilt? Then don't regret your actions just your reactions .... guilt is linked to shame and is in the present...TURN IT INTO REGRET THAT IS IN THE PAST, GONE, OVER WITH...NOW IT's TIME TO MOVE ON TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH SELF-PRIDE, SELF-DETERMINATION. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS (you can still ask for support from others just make it clear to them when you are offloading and when you need them to do something for you...be specific...they don't have ESP!)...TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE...grab it and fill it with ENTHUSIASM,CREATIVITY,and DISCOVERY. IMAGINE YOUR LIFE HOW IT WILL BE....WHAT YOU WILL DO .... HOW YOU WILL DO THINGS that are FULFILLING and POSITIVE and ENJOYABLE...IMAGINE HOW THIS WOMAN DEALS WITH LIFE CHALLENGES... HOW SHE CONSIDERS THEM AS OPPORTUNITIS FOR SELF-DISCOVERY AND LEARNING and then STEP INTO THIS PERSON.... BECOME THIS WOMAN OF ACTION NOW. Enjoy the journey. Hpno

Guilt what a dirty word it causes so many negative situations .I understand not wanting to unload but it is important to let those who you love into your world and let them know what is going on .The trick is to balance the moments that you divulge and not make it a constant topic of conversation but it is so important to let it out and many want to hear it.

Let's turn this thing around shall we?

 

Try and imagine yourself being and living as the strong woman you really are inside and how you would behave with confidence and self-assurance in the face of challenges.

 

If you concentrate on not behavng as you are currently doing you will continue to act in the same way....so turn your imagination round to a positve frame of mind ... and imagine yourself to be the confident individual...and then you will start to behave like one now.

 

It's the same principle of "I don't want you to think of pink elephants" You will immediately think of a pink elephant in order to then not see it and the more you try not to think about them the more you will think about them.

 

Instead, think about the positive and you will act and attract more positivism in your life. Think about something you would like to achieve and commito doing ONE small step towards this goal every day.

 

Hypno

Hi Lyra

 

Have you told your mum how much her comments hurt you. She might need to know as sometimes people say things and dont realise how hurtful they are until someone points it out to them. I've said things to my daughter that she has sometimes taken a different way and she tells me now and I'm glad she does as I wouldn't want to hurt her. Maybe your mum needs to be told too.