I hate planning - even if its for something enjoyable: 'do or do not'

I'm going on a holiday - I'm going to LA to a sci-fi convention to meet people that I respect and admire. I should be happy. But whenever anyone brings it up I feel like crying and I want to move the conversation along. I only let myself think about it when I can actually DO something in the planning - I go tomorrow so I've had to think about it quite a bit today. It makes me anxious. It's daft cause I've travelled heaps and I know it's fine, but there is still that small part that worries that I will forget something or miss my flight (which isn't helped by others comments around that topic even though they think they are just showing interest and concern).

I guess I just don't like thinking about an event before it happens. Even if it is something good. My mind freaks out cause of dealing with people and planning and getting there on time, etc. I feel more depressed than ever. So I try to put off thinking about it unless I have something constructive to do - expect nobody gets that and keep talking to me about it and I want them to stop. Especially when they ask 'are you excited?' I feel so alien, like a freak, because I'm not. I feel like shit whenever I think about it. I'm afraid. No excitement just tears and fears. I don't want to admit it cause I don't want people to realise I'm even stranger than I seem...

It's daft. I've been to conventions. I've flown before. I travel alone so I don't have to deal with anyone else's anxities. I should be fine. Logically I'm fine. But my chest is constricted and I'm teary. I hate waiting. I have no patience. I want to do or do not, as Yoda says. I don't like planning...

Still, I shouldn't whinge, in about 24hrs I'll be in LA. Once I'm there, at least whilst I'm in the midst of doing activities, I'll be fine and enjoy myself. In fact once I'm on the plane I'll be fine - just sit back, relax, and leave the worrying to the flight crew cause it's all out of my control so why worry? Till then I'll just put it out of my mind as best as I can.... ah, I just can't shake the notion that I'm a freak - everyone else I've spoken to are adamant that they'd be psyched, getting as much excitement over the prospect of what will happen as being there... but I'm not whinging anymore. I'm cool.... mind elsewhere... see you guys in about a week...