Not like it was

Greetings!

When I read your post, it reminded me of the dark, desolate way I have felt when severely depressed.  My depression got so bad, that I tried suicide, not once, not twice, but three times, during my life.  I am now 52-years old.  My official diagnosis is bipolar disorder.  It is amazing how your thoughts can lead you into the deep chasm of depression.  I was hospitalized at the Montana State Hospital (for people with mental illness diagnoses) from December 6th, 2007 through July 1st, 2008.  When I first arrived there, I felt that I had no purpose in my life.  I thought my son would be better off without me.

While at the hospital, I slowly gained a sense of purpose in my life.  Oh, definitely, being the mother of one child, helped  me to work harder to feel good.  I received one-on-one counseling with my psychologist.  My psychiatrist was very empathetic and worked with me to get the right medication regimen.  I also took part in a couple of process groups, where confidentiality was one of the most important facets of the group process.  I was able to talk about all the awful things I have done, while depressed, such as cutting, smoking, and  attempts at para-suicidal behaviors and lots of negative self-talk. 

You can really get better and live a life with a sense of purpose, wherever you may find it.  I eventually realized that my role of mom was the single most important thing I had going for me.  My son lost  his father and his grandfather, both of whom had COPD, emphysema and lung cancer.  My son is furious with me for starting to smoke, and I am now trying to quit.  He said, when he thinks about me smoking, it brings back all those bad memories of his dad and his granddad smoking and eventually dying.

You CAN get out of the depression and begin to live a meaningful life.  I recommend one-on-one therapy,combined with the usage of certain medications.  It is vital that you tell your doctor what is working and what is not working.  The thing that really helped me get started on the path of wellness was a visit by my cousin and his wife.  They are deeply spiritual people, but they don't try to push it off on you.  It was more of a feeling, just spending time with them; I began to feel the door to wellness opening up for me.  They were so confident that I would be able to achieve meaning and  happiness in my life.  From there, I worked with my therapist and my shrink, talking about the depression, and I could feel it slowly going away.  I guess what my cousins did for me was believe in me and my ability to "get better".  I thought - if they have faith in me, I should be able to have faith in myself.  I started to have positive thoughts about myself, even though I am very critical of who and what I am.  Now, I accept myself the way I am, and stop trying to be so negative about myself.

I wish you well!  May your days be filled with purpose and meaning, as you pull yourself out of your depression.  I am living proof that it CAN and DOES happen.  Just try to think positive thoughts and see what happens.  With my cousins, I felt I could open up and be honest about who and what I was.  From there, it was up to me to keep the doors open and accept the good things life has to offer.  If you keep yourself closed off from positive things, you will not be ready for the good stuff, when it happens.  Please keep your mind and your heart open for all the good possibilities.  When you start to feel the positive things coming to you, allow them to enter your heart.  I think you will be surprised at how keeping yourself open for positive things to happen, will help you to ease the depression.

Wishing for you a life filled with positive energy and happiness,

Kay

Greetings!

When I read your post, it reminded me of the dark, desolate way I have felt when severely depressed.  My depression got so bad, that I tried suicide, not once, not twice, but three times, during my life.  I am now 52-years old.  My official diagnosis is bipolar disorder.  It is amazing how your thoughts can lead you into the deep chasm of depression.  I was hospitalized at the Montana State Hospital (for people with mental illness diagnoses) from December 6th, 2007 through July 1st, 2008.  When I first arrived there, I felt that I had no purpose in my life.  I thought my son would be better off without me.

While at the hospital, I slowly gained a sense of purpose in my life.  Oh, definitely, being the mother of one child, helped  me to work harder to feel good.  I received one-on-one counseling with my psychologist.  My psychiatrist was very empathetic and worked with me to get the right medication regimen.  I also took part in a couple of process groups, where confidentiality was one of the most important facets of the group process.  I was able to talk about all the awful things I have done, while depressed, such as cutting, smoking, and  attempts at para-suicidal behaviors and lots of negative self-talk. 

You can really get better and live a life with a sense of purpose, wherever you may find it.  I eventually realized that my role of mom was the single most important thing I had going for me.  My son lost  his father and his grandfather, both of whom had COPD, emphysema and lung cancer.  My son is furious with me for starting to smoke, and I am now trying to quit.  He said, when he thinks about me smoking, it brings back all those bad memories of his dad and his granddad smoking and eventually dying.

You CAN get out of the depression and begin to live a meaningful life.  I recommend one-on-one therapy,combined with the usage of certain medications.  It is vital that you tell your doctor what is working and what is not working.  The thing that really helped me get started on the path of wellness was a visit by my cousin and his wife.  They are deeply spiritual people, but they don't try to push it off on you.  It was more of a feeling, just spending time with them; I began to feel the door to wellness opening up for me.  They were so confident that I would be able to achieve meaning and  happiness in my life.  From there, I worked with my therapist and my shrink, talking about the depression, and I could feel it slowly going away.  I guess what my cousins did for me was believe in me and my ability to "get better".  I thought - if they have faith in me, I should be able to have faith in myself.  I started to have positive thoughts about myself, even though I am very critical of who and what I am.  Now, I accept myself the way I am, and stop trying to be so negative about myself.

I wish you well!  May your days be filled with purpose and meaning, as you pull yourself out of your depression.  I am living proof that it CAN and DOES happen.  Just try to think positive thoughts and see what happens.  With my cousins, I felt I could open up and be honest about who and what I was.  From there, it was up to me to keep the doors open and accept the good things life has to offer.  If you keep yourself closed off from positive things, you will not be ready for the good stuff, when it happens.  Please keep your mind and your heart open for all the good possibilities.  When you start to feel the positive things coming to you, allow them to enter your heart.  I think you will be surprised at how keeping yourself open for positive things to happen, will help you to ease the depression.

Wishing for you a life filled with positive energy and happiness,

Kay