Can't kick this...

By confusednlonely17 Wednesday, April 15, 2009

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Since about last week I have been in a very depressed mood that I just can't kick, I was diagnosised with depression last year and was making somewhat of a recovery. What ended up setting this one off was a fight with a friend. I am coming to the end of college career in May and this should be a rejoiceful time of my life, however I don't like it. It pretty upseting to me that rather have my friends come to my graduation party, I would rather them come to my funeral. I would never commit sucuide because I know its wrong but I have been feeling this way for a while. No matter what I do I just can't seem to get out of it. In the past year I have realized so much has been missing from my life. I have made some aquentiences but I can't honestly say I have a good friend anymore. I have two close friends but it seems like everytime I ask them to do something they never have time. I miss being able to have the friends that I can always rely on and someone who is there and can do anything sometimes. I know growing up is hard but hell, I didn't know it was gonna be this hard. I feel sooo alone all the time now. All I want to do with my time is sleep, and thats it. Ugh I hate feeling like this and just thinking about it has been making it worse. I just feel so empty like I wanna cry but I just dont have the energy anymore. I don't believe in medications and I reduse to take any, I feel that I can overcome this myself but lately I am not sure. I have a therapist but 50 minutes is never enough time. I am going to start going to group again eventually because I need that support that I use to have. Sometimes its so frustrating because I know other people have worse problems then me but it doesn't seem to make a difference. All I want is to be happy and I am having a very hard time getting there. Please feel free to leave a comment I need all the advice I can get

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psychoward1

4/15/09 5:33pm

Sounds like you are attempting to get help. Its so frustrating to do it all alone. Well you're not alone. There are many people in the same cold, dark place you are in! You just have to keep moving forward. Is it possible that your friends see your depression and thats why they are avoiding you? Therapy does take time, and sometimes it takes medication as well. Talking to your doctor about treatment options doesnt mean you have to follow them. Educate yourself. Some people get happy with just taking the right vitamins, other take over the counter mood enhancers, some people exercise, some get social, you have to find what works for you. Maybe you should ask your therapist to help you find what works for you.

Pat

Greg

4/16/09 11:54pm

Sounds like relationships with your friends is really weighing on you. Very understandable. Maybe being "the bigger person" would help get things back on track if you have a disagreement with one of them. What conflict could be so terrible that it should ruin a good friendship? Many times I have seen people step up and say "Hey, this just all doesn't matter that much. Can we just put it all behind us and get back to the way things were...I'm sorry for my part in it". If you were to do something like that and didn't get a positive response, I would have to wonder if that person might be part of the overall problem(s).

As for questioning the effectiveness of medications, I think your intuition is trying to tell you something. I questioned them for a very long time myself. But recently I started taking a new med and there IS a difference. It can be a process of finding the right one and the right dose. But if you can bring yourself to go thru the trial and error of it all, it could make quite a difference. It happened for me.

Taking the initiative to get back into group is another thing it sounds like you know would really help. It can be a very comforting thing to be in the presence of others sharing the same pain. And hey, what a great way to make new friends!

Yes growing up is tough. But growing up with depresion can be brutal. But I think it just means you have to take a little different path and find a different combination of things that will make life comfortable for you.

I think you are already "on to" some things that will help. The next step is to take the next step....make a phone call, set up an appointment?? I'm no expert, but the reference to overcoming this on your own might not be the best route. I hope you follow thru on some of the things you are thinking of doing. Keep at it. Things change....and they can change for the better.

Merely Me, Health Guide

4/17/09 6:20pm

Hi there

I just want to tell you that you are not alone in feeling what you are feeling. It seems that everyone thinks that the end of college should be this happy time but I remember going home on the last day of class...going into the shower...and bawling my eyes out. I felt this emptiness of...now what? It is a big life transition that can cause depression and anxiety for a lot of people.

What would you like to do during this transition? Will you pursue more education, look for a job, take some time for yourself?

In my case I took some time for myself but then investigated graduate school programs and this helped me some. I had the next thing to look forward to.

Friendships change greatly over the years. You may find that you will lose a lot of friends during this transition but after some time has passed sometimes you get together with those lost friends.

What sorts of relationships would you like to have now at this time in your life?

It can be a lonely time when you just aren't sure about any of your current relationships. Which ones do you wish to salvage? And which ones will you let go?

I feel like I am rambling here so I will end my comment by saying that if you are feeling so low that you cannot stand it anymore...please do reach out by calling your local mental health center.

Or there are always the hotlines which I will now give to you:

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

1800-784-2433

1800-799-4889

There is no shame in calling a hotline. I have done so myself.

Please hang in there. Keep writing. Keep reaching out.

Can't kick this...

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