So my Dr., Doctor David, has perscribed me a medication called Abilify if I remember correctly. I have the intention of researching it and what not but as of now I don't feel like it.
Today happened to be one of the worst days in awhile. I was yelled at, pushed around, insulted, irritated, happy, angry, sad, and a whole lot of other stuff. Now being happy isn't a bad thing it was more what I was happy about. Now I won't go into that explination.
But yes, my mother decided that just because I made a simple mistake of not calling her (when she was fully capable of picking up the phone herself) she yelled and belittled me until I felt like crawling into a hole and dying. Of course I couldn't do that so I opted for the passenger seat of the car. I burowed my way into the arm and refused to look at her. You can just imagine how that went over.
I'm a bit sparadic today so I'm starting new paragraphs as my mind moves along.
So at five we had our Family counselor Beverly come over. She was nice. She sort of resembled Cher if you can believe it. Very strange. She was without surgery ever in her life so that made a big difference. And she has three sons. She's pretty nice and I don't mind her. I like her. She smiles a lot. I don't know if it's her technique or what but I think she does it a little too often but I'm not complaining, just stating. I don't mind though. I said that... Anyway, she was nice. There was this other girl shadowing her. It made me a bit uncomfortable but I got used to it and pretty much ignored her while she watched all of us intently. A bit creepy but she seemed nice enough. And by God her hand shake was firm. Like she was trying to prove her masculinity to me. I didn't mind that much though.
My brother really got on my nerves today. I tried to be nice and cordial while he was on the computer (for five freaking hours). I needed to do my homework you see and he just wouldn't remove his *** from the seat! Anyway, I got so fustrated I started to cry and shake and pretty soon I was hypervenalating. I couldn't stop until well after he got off. Sometimes I really ******* hate him. I just want to wrap my arms around his scrawny little neck and squeeze until there's no air left inside of him, ya know? But that's just me...
I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through this semester. I'm already so tired. I just want to sleep forever. I can't stand it. Argh.
Everything that's been happening, the counselors, Amy, Mrs. Elsden, the Hospital (from the summer), and just everything else... I want it to all go away. Al of it. I wish, I really deep down inside my heart and soul wish that I would have never of told them anything. I wish that I would have just went about my own business and fall where I may. My parents only seem to make things more complicated and I don't feel good anymore. Not that I felt that way to begin with but that's just whatever.
