For atleast a month I had high hopes of things going well me for . I had thought that everything was wrong would be already. If I faded away from most people that would want to hurt me life and I focused on things that i always needed to do like going back to school is something I always wanted to do as I quit school in the 9th grade and always thought of I have so much more good feeling about my self if if i could go back and do it better so i got into colledge I spent some much over the last three years depressed and my life went so wrong. most of three years was spent crying more than i ever thought one person could do. In january I guess because it was a new year I saw a new beginning no more sadness no more depression crying anger etc no fear of who could hurt me or how. In the last two weeks I not been depressed like in the past but tears are seeming to come back in small ways nothing is wrong but little tears going down road alone and i not really thinking of anything but maybe my hopes were to high maybe expect people to give me a change maybe to belive i can be anything or lose weight  it almost seemed like everything i wanted could happen and everything would just be okay. i dont know what has changed slow  i feel like those feeling are turning to what the pointin people eyes i always be worthless or it to hard to make everything workout . I got down when i realized that getting sad could come back in anyway.nothing changed at allin my life but my thoughts i guess. I started having I guess something like panic feelings attacks whatever about walking into a class room . you could say that it could be because it been while since school but that not it at first i was fine but now i scared to walk in and scared to breath almost . I disappointed and sad and worthless feeling when i feel like this because i am grown and my legs feel like that cant move i began to feel the whole room closing in on me. to quit everything that makes me feel this way i cant do from a job to school i cant walk away from everything that makes me feel scared . To walk away from  school would make me feel worthless . I back to solving how I feel with back to food I guess . I dont want to bring my family into any depression or anything else my happy feelings was finally everyone could be proud of me and my family wouldnt feel so disappointed in me angry at me and or worried about me . i wanted so much to be nothing in anyway negative to eveyone when someone wanted to cal me it would  be to talk not because of problems about me . I done nothing but try to make everything me so good that i cant understand why depression could come back even in small way. it started with panic feeling at school then over eating .it so funny you want so bad to have someone understand how you feel but then again you dont want to be talked to about it and then also when it comes to school or work you want someone to tell you how to handle when you start to feel things that it gets so intense that you want to walk out just thinking that people are looking at me or just nerves walking. I dont honesly see how everyone could take that feeling away from me . i take medicine wellburtin and respral but i just want never feel that kinda scared again. I guess i wrote this on this site because i dont want to talk to anyone i know because i dont want anything to start up again about i am taking things wrong or it is just me . i just want to understand how to control scaredness i guess or crying over eating. sadness and nothing wrong. i learned to try not to show that i down and most part i can feel better my getting out of house or going to the gym but i dont know how to get the me back that thought she could do anything . wanting answers in some ways i guess