dont seem to have friends in this world!

Good things about me I guess when I not getting overloaded down by negative or depression is at one time i probably take in any animal or kid that needed me. I am very senative . I truly love my family I love to smile and love people but am very shy at times .Every time I get upset or something or even think i  hurt someone feelings i cant rest untill they know i am sorry. that really all i can think of. I am very thankful for each and everytime you wrote thanks for this site!

I dont think since I been on this site anyone could have said anything any better to me. thank you so much you never understand what that meant to me. I never had anyone put it like that before your so very right when your hurting sad and extremely depression bad friend or good friend is still a friend. sometimes you feel there is no way out and you cant fight them all. I dont as most people with sereve depression dont have the energy . everyone get angry and out of that moment you say the wrong things but people have made a career out of tearing me down little by little untill i dont feel there is much left to save not to my face so much as behind my back where there is no standing up for yourself. I often see myself as leaving this world and wanted to look down from hopefully heaven to see if anyone regrets anything they said or done if they were wrong from every area of my life from telling the truth to not doing things like a past problem with pills or anything . Would God ever address them as to there part in things not to not forgive cuase everyone should be forgiven but to show them what effects they truly had on another life and what is positive or negative and what was the truth and A lie. I think there is so much true hate for me that no one would care either way . i deserve it in one way or another. it is almost like they will push you to the edge to pull you back up to take you down to that edge again. I made so many mistakes in my life so many wrong choices i dont know why i really dont. The one thing people can never say i did or take away from me . i never hurt anyone life in anyway . i never would want anyone to live to life i have over the last three years . i would never take someone self esttem out. I dont care to hurt anyone at all no matter how much they hurt me. I get angry and say things sometimes but to cause true hurt to someone life never. what you can never take back is when you destroy people in one way or another by showing them there not worth much or treat them like there words mean nothing which in reality is pretty much saying you mean nothing. I stay on depressed sometimes it gets hard to move like today i wouldnt get out of bed but only for a moment . I am very grateful to anyone that is truly nice to me without doing it for a reason or just because but someone that feels I am truly a good person to know. I dont know where honest my life leads I know that i cant contunie to live to this way . i am truly not lving at all some may get a kick out of that but someway someday i meet people that truly know when i person is hurting enough on the inside to back away from causeing anymore hurt  of any kind.

Hello again Sherri, all, Youre holding down a job. I speak from experience, please , in order to get well, stay well. Donot waste your precious energy that u need to get better thinking/giving headspace to people who dont understand or are nasty or who dont want to understand. Spend all your effort on  getting well, on getting that Self esteem back up again. Anger is ok, vent  it on the site but dont give those people too much space in your thoughts, dont let them LIVE RENT FREE IN YOUR HEAD ! Do u get what Im saying. YOU are whats important. Youre on the Site, many of us have relatives who didnt understand [in my case dont contact me except for my birthday and christmas..Guilt and a  sense of duty] when I came to terms with that... then I started to get abit better hold on life. Thinking over and over about what people said and did to us,just feeds the depression. Its really hard Sherri, its like climbing a mountain gettin out of bed; I was like that today.. but u have to now give all your energy to getting focused on YOU, what do you want? nice friends,  you have anight job, not great but u r lucky to have the job, it gives focus to your life. Read all the stuff on this site and get to understand your depression.  I have a feeling that u will come thru this much stronger.  Be kind to yourself. Take care,