Wednesday, September 02, 2009
This week I just feel hard to move hard to get out bed hard to want to stay awake i just wish i could keep sleeping and sleeping. When you get here so hard time make yourself want to try to care about yourself . you try to convince yourself things will get better but somehow they stay the same or get better get worse. Last night and today felt like it was so hard to just function. if I could i would laid in bed without moving at all . Sometimes I cant sleep when things on my mind while other times I could sleep and never want to move or get up. I glad to yall that I found this site no one would ever get it but people that feel it.
It sounds like you're fighting the dip and making yourself do things even though you don't want to so I want to say that I think you're really strong for doing it and would like to cheer you on to keep it up. The worst times in depression feel like they stretch on for an eternity but they do pass. I was in a pretty horrid dip that went on for some time - today my parents looked at me and said 'why are you smiling?' because I haven't smiled in so long. There was no reason: I'm just having a good day. I hope you have a good day too soon.
Keep writing here. I know what you mean about it helping having an avenue to talk to others who go through the same stuff - empathy is a powerful thing. Makes us feel less alone in the struggle. Keep fighting.
Thank you so much and sorry you get depression to anything that causes it or just depression itself? You have a gift for helping people deal with what they feel inside and Away it makes sence and help alot people out when down. that is a blessing to know what to say and how to say it even if someone doesnt want to hear good to hear a honest voice.The thing about depression it can be hide so well sometimes to others nothing wrong to me it starts as just not wanting to go anywhere or around anyone then turns to dont want to clean house step over clothes and then just with me go deeper to not wanting to take care of myself in the simple ways that you learn at 4 or 5 . it becomes a battle to move. but my mom got hurt and I learned that her needs and hows she felt that day or anyday so more imporant then anything I felt at all. also i seen that she wasnt recovery as fast as she wanted and she got down. I put my mom and family just in bad place for two long sometimes it hard to hide it but lately you just do cause no one truly can help me or has answers and lately it more imporatant to help her . without her i been so much more down. it my case lately depression is milder than it use to be but comming back strong i can see it so quiclky when i realized didnt want to pick up things then things get to dressing up or to be honest making yourself take a shower but i do. just things no one knows or sees and for me it gotten easier to hide. that might be good i guess cause know one else has to feel it. I look at a site for nami but i was really just wanted away to end the depression that i know i have anything else i doubt but depression no doubt and anything that might help. some kind of group that goes through something the same as you. depression is the thing i think i willing to admit it time to get help and i am trying. i hope things work out for you and gets better cause you help me by your writings and i thank you so much!!
I'm glad that I'm able to help at least somewhat. I think it's great that you can recognise your depression so well - you can't fight what you can't see, if that makes any sense. It's actually the first step to learning how to deal with it so if you do decide to go and get some help from a therapist you can build upon that. Now you know the signs of things getting worse, how do you combat it? Those sorts of things. It often involves finding something you enjoy doing (watching TV, some people dance or paint), or a de-stressor (some people like hot baths with candles around, others go for walks, I often do puzzles, etc)... I really think you're ready to go and find someone to talk to and help you out with these things.
I'm glad you're still helping your Mum out but does it negatively affect your mental health? Sometimes we have to be selfish - we are no good to anyone if it makes us worse. I hope it's like you said - you like her company so it's worth the effort.
Keep fighting and writing here. You're doing really well.