I am feeling and maybe someone else is a sadness that started today really just a sadness of all that went wrong in my life a sadness for not being more. one day I feel hope then one day i dont. today i feel like crying and dont really know why a feeling of hopeless that people will never let you have a chance of anything at all. I dont know how to fight what I cant understand. A feeling that depression can at times be mange but it always comes back. just wake up sad. and feel hopeless of what is ahead feeling like people will destroy anything good that comes my way. maybe because of hate for me. it takes so much for me to truly belive in me at all. when a new year comes you want to feel hope for future a better year or just plain hope . i feel a have to fight to be anything and i fight to feel like i am worth it. in your heart it human to want hope and think it will be better it has got to be better but sometimes you wonder will it really. i went into three new years with no friends and two years without jobs. I hear that i need to make friends or get out of the house but on the other hand i think someone destroys every chance i get to start over. everytime i think it will be ok it is not. i think someone finds out who i talk to on facebook then tell them about me or just my email. i reach out to a friend who he and i was really close i could tell someone down me in everyway and the same with a guy that just emailed. i think i very much know who this is. but in my life i worry about God comming down on me if i stand up to anyone i going to be punish more because i deserve this.
Sherri, I think it is sad that you believe that other people are trying to destroy your life. Who are these people? Can you somehow get a reality check with someone as to whether or not this is true?
I'm wondering if you are seeing a therapist because then you would have someone to do a reality check with. You will not be punished for standing up for yourself. Maybe if you talked to whomever you think is ruining your life, you would find out if it is true. Or could you possibly be doing things that sabotage yourself? As long as you keep thinking that other people are trying to destroy you, you will feel powerless and powerlessness turns into depression. But if you can see what you might be doing that holds you back, then you have some control over that. You DO have the power to change your life, no matter what people may say about you - your actions will speak louder than words. If they see that you blame others for things that go wrong, it could be the reason that you don't have more friends - they don't want to be blamed along with them.
I'm not saying this to be mean, because I can tell you're really suffering, but maybe you don't need to be suffering so much. I hope you will try to get some help.