I had a pretty rough weekend. I have been having a lot of anxiety/worrying for the last month or so. Everytime I deal with one worry another pops in its place. I had mostly been worried about my cat peeing all over and with things in my house breaking down all the time. I brought my cat to the vet and got someone to look at my appliances and everything seems to be ok with that for now. I was actually feeling ok for a couple days. Then I "noticed" that my toilet might be leaking also and it seems that water is getting in between the toilet and floor and causing mildew and/or rot. **Sigh** There was always a bit of mildew around the toilet under the linoleum but I think it is spreading, I don't even know. Anyways, after all the stress about everything else in my house breaking down or leaking or something it just sent me over the edge though I tried not to freak out about it. None of my coping mechanisms was doing any good, it was just the last straw.
Jerry just posted something about anxiety and depression and how they are often both present, and that is definitely true. I have had bad anxiety lately but it was just anxiety, but Thursday last week it started to cross the line to depression. I just didn't want to get out of bed. I haven't done any housework. My personal hygiene has fallen, I still bathe and brush my teeth, but no makeup, just put my hair in a ponytail, bare minimum. I just cried a lot and watched movies or read just constantly. I did make myself go outside and walk the dog but I just wasn't in to it. I swear my dog is depressed too. I even found I was holding off going to the bathroom as long a I could just because I didn't want to see the toilet cause it would just stress me out more. That is crazy I know but yeah. I just cried a lot and felt sorry for myself.
I do feel better today just having to come to work and get out of the house. I guess all the house stuff is especially stressing me out because I like having that safe place to go home to and it seems like that is not there right now. I am going to force myself to clean my house when I get home because it is just gross.
I have been trying to deal with my worries by using a "worry box" as suggested by Eileen Bailey on anxiety connection. I do find I can postpone my worries somewhat. However, I find when I get to my "designated worry period" I just don't even look at it, I avoid it. Even though I will be thinking about it again eventually that's for sure. I will stick with it though, and hope that this depression passes.
Hey there
Okay...things that leak. Should be a gameshow category. I hear ya. Right now we have two holes in our house. One is in my bedroom wall by our bathroom. and one is in the kitchen celiling. The one in the kitchen ceiling...was actually there previously and fixed. But then a teeny leak got between the boards and the ceiling started to drip...a lot. So my husband cut a hole in the celing again. But see...we have a son with autism who loves baths. And he likes to create tsunamis...with a giant wave of water coming out of the bathtub and guess where that water goes? So if we fix the ceiling again...chances are high that...we will have the same problem with the waterfall in our kitchen. So I look at the hole in the ceiling and think...yeah...that is gonna be there for awhile.
I have also dealt with mold. That is a wretched problem. We were living in one apartment where the upstairs people had some sort of leak they didn't fix...the water crept down to the cheap particle board walls we had in our bedroom and voila...mold. We had to move.
So yeah I hear ya. As the late Rossana Dana used to say "If it is not one thing it is another."
I think in your case perhaps these broken things are symbollic. You aren't ever sure if you can fix them and they keep breaking just like...your spirits. Is this somewhat accurate?
I know this feeling...like you just can't even maintain status quo. It is extremely difficult.
But in these situations you have to focus on what you can do and not on what you can't. Things will always break. It is the nature of living. But you don't have to break. We want to help you to prevent that from happening.
Can someone help you with your home? It is not bad to ask for help.
Let us know how things go in the days and weeks to come. Know that we are thinking of you.
I do think it is just a reflection of my mood. I live in an old house and these things will happen I know, it is just the one thing after another that is getting me down. Actually, I felt so much better yesterday after cleaning my house. I mean, how is letting my house get filthy gonna help anything? Even the toilet didn't seem so bad. This weekend it was like my whole bathroom was gonna collapse, and now it just seems like a little mold, not so bad.
I think it is symbolic of how I feel helpless and not in control of my own life, financially, emotionally, etc. There are people that will help me out, but I just hate to ask, not because they are unwilling but just because it just reminds me that I am unable to take care of it myself.
Hey...
Nobody can do it alone. Nobody. We all need help and especially with house repairs. You should not feel bad about this.
I hope you feel better soon. Take care of you.