So lately I have been in this weird place between anxiety and depression.  I am worrying constantly about everything and just feel generally down in the dumps.  Not as anxious as I have ever been, nor as depressed as I have ever been, just blah.

I am having the same old worries as ever, but now I am experiencing some new stuff, symptom wise.  First, for a few days I kept getting that really tight feeling in my chest, and it felt like my heart was beating weirdly, along with difficulty swallowing.  It was alarming but apparently it is a symptom of anxiety.  It has passed now but it was alarming, I've never experienced that before.  I think this is part of this new trend of hypochondria I have been experiencing.  I have had my health issues in the past, and need to deal with the extra weight/not enough exercise, but I have always been a generally healthy person.  The problem is that every twinge I get, I will start compulsively looking up the symptoms on the internet, and I will swear I have everything from diabetes to heart disease. 

I do this with my pets also, and constantly worry about their health too.  I'm having trouble with getting past this hypochondria, maybe because I just feel so helpless over my own body right now. I could go to the doctor but I couldn't afford going every time I freak out about every little thing.  I hate going to the doctor anyway.

This has been a strange year for me overall.  I have not had any particulary bad episodes of anxiety or depression, more just that overall blah feeling, and just a constant up and down of my mood.  It is good because I have not had any really bad days, but no really good days either.  In addition to the hypochondria, I have also experienced violent dreams, strange physical sypmtoms.  It is just, after 15 years of dealing with this, all this is so new to me.