So as most of my recent posts have said, I have been sort of wavering for a long time on the "edge" of depression.  Despite all the stress about my health lately, and a few breakdowns, I haven't really had any really bad depressive episodes for months.  I am not complaining, it's just I am so used to feeling so horrible that it scares me any time I get a little anxious or stressed as I swear it is just going to lead to depression.

Still working on eating healthy and exercising and losing some weight to help my blood pressure come down.  Had some issues with anemia and side effects from various bp meds I was trying.  It was making it really hard for me to eat right and impossible to exercise.  Now I am taking iron supplements and seem to have gotten used to my meds so I feel much better.  Have been eating very well and have much more energy, am much more productive.  Been walking alot with the dog but having a mental block regarding getting back in the exercise mode.  Need to get my heart pumping a bit everyday.  I don't know what the issue is.  Either I am hesitant because when I was feeling bad exercise made me feel worse, or just the regular lack of motivation, or both.  Working on that though.

Will be going shopping this weekend with my mom and sis (I mentioned before she is expecting -  it's a BOY!) to start looking at some baby stuff she will need.  Just pricing things and seeing what she might need.  Will shop around and do lunch. Sunday, will be going to church with my godchild as I am her sponsor for her confirmation.  So, hopefully will be a fun weekend.  Am determined to enjoy myself, especially since I have found I have been just holing myself up in my house on weekends lately.  Not good, I always feel worse on the weekends and feel better on Monday when I am forced to get out of the house to go to work.  I know this but still I kept isolating myself on the weekends, I don't know why.

So, been pretty good considering.  However, Murphy's Law and all, something has to go wrong.  I have been having some sensitivity/pain in one of my teeth for the last few days.  It is not that surprising since I have ground my teeth since childhood whenever I sleep.  Two of my bottom molars are pretty worn, and I know I should be using a nightguard but I have been resistant to it.  I guess cause I already sleep so badly I hated the thought of any weird thing rolling around my mouth.  I will be going to the dentist in a couple weeks will probably end up getting a guard though, will see what dentist says.  Easy right.  Of course that is not how my mind works.  My mind takes off--I will have pain, I'll need a crown, that will be so expensive, I can't afford it right now, I already have too many medical bills, blah, blah, blah on and on.  Trying to nip it in the bud right now.  Step one: vent all my frustrations on depression connection lol! Step two: tell someone else IN PERSON, this is hard for me.