It is a new day.  It is a beautiful day outside, yet I can't feel it.  The pleasure seems superficial.  There is a space inside that it just can't reach, no matter how I try to fill it in.  Sure, I can forget about it, gloss over it, sleep on it, but it is still there, hiding.  What is this black creature in my chest, this parasite feeding on my soul?  It happens ever so slowly, but surely.  One day, I will awake and find ME gone.  Just an empty shell, devoid of hopes and dreams, no fears or tears.  Just space.

But, wait...  I am here still.  Small but significant, weak but strong willed.  A smile here, a laugh there and I begin to grow again.  Water can erode the hardest stone.  One day I will awake and embrace the morning.  I will float through the day, no weights to pin me down.  The sun will shine and I will feel its heat.  Birds will sing and I will hear.  I will cry tears of laughter when my dog chases squirrels in circles. I will be alive.

This is something I wrote in my journal this morning.  This is the first morning in a while I have felt positive about the future, and just wanted to share it, to acknowledge it and have it acknowledged.  I still felt the old weight on the chest but somehow it felt lighter.  Hopefully this trend will continue.