Nervous Nellie OR To Medicate or Not to Medicate?

Tick...tock...jump at the sound of a clock.  Strike one...strike two...wash it all down with a little blue pill (or two).  Numbness is a double-edged sword.  To be or not to be ME, that is the question.  To sleep...but perchance no dreams.  Ahh, never mind...sweet relief is coming on.

If you don't know, the little blue pill is Xanax.  My doc prescribed it for me last month in addition to my antidepressant.  I mostly am more "down" than anxious.  However, I do have moments of anxiety and some anxiety attacks.  I just have it for those times.  I don't take it all the time but it does help when the anxiety comes on.  I really tried to put off having to take anything that has a sort of narcotic effect. The dosage I am on is low, just enough to take the edge off.  I just have this love/hate relationship with meds.  I have always resisted any type of medicine.  I even put off taking advil if I have a headache.  I always was like this. Some days I just want to stop taking the meds altogether but sometimes I am grateful for them.

I had planned on not refilling my Xanax prescription.  But this morning I was so "up" my mind was racing with negative thoughts and my heart felt like it was racing.  Not quite an anxiety attack but nearly so. Then again I did drink 2 big cups of coffee this morning (may have to switch to decaf though caffeine is my one vice).  The Xanax (or two...I admit it) help so whatever.  I guess I just worry I will become too dependent on it.  I like the effect but don't want to be a zombie.