I almost killed my self

By Jacqui Friday, October 31, 2008

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I am 13 years old and still in 8th grade. I am put down constantly and somtimes end up finding myself holding a knife ready to die. I have cried my self to sleep every night for over two months now thinking that there really is no point to my living. I feel that I am just here to waste the air that someone important could be breathing. In addition to almost stabbing my self I've tried mixing about fifteen different types of pills in a large cup of water, but then finding myself to afraid to drink it. I am afraid to live and afraid to die. I've asked my mom for a therapist but she refuses to get me one because I havn't told her why, I don't wan't her to be worried. What do I do?

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kim

10/31/08 9:15pm

Dear Jacqui,

My heart broke when I read your post. My daughter was recently diagnosed with depression. There is help out there and you will get through this. Talk with your mother about your feelings and your need to speak to someone. Kids can be cruel. Just know that God put you here on this earth for a purpose... to spread his love. He loves you very much. I will pray for you.

Jacqui

11/ 1/08 10:35am

Kim,

Thank you so much for telling me what you did it just boosted my spirets knowing that there is someone out there that cares.

work in progress

11/ 2/08 8:40pm

Dear Jacqui,

Talk to someone you trust, your mom, a guidance counselor, a friend. There is help out there.

As a teen I was totally focused on suicide, even did numerous science projects on it. I didn't understand so much about life...yet spent a great deal of time in misery. Flash forward, today a half century old (50) I look back and wish that I had a fraction of the confidence my daughter does at today at age 14, when I was that age, how different my life could have been. The point, time goes on and a difference is made, if not in my own generation, in the next.

My life's philosophy: "Let it begin with me". I'm the only one who can begin to make a difference in my own life by making and understanding the choices before me. If I had used the knife I held in my hand 30 years ago with the intent of using it and not cried out to God for help, I may not be here today to tell you the joy that my children have brought to my life. A joy that 30 years ago I had no idea would ever exist. The beauty of experiencing love for the first time and knowing that it was a euphoria the likes of which I never dreamed.

I too pray for you and your ability to cry out for help to someone who can help you understand that God's will for you is good. He wants you to be happy, joyous and free; not burdened with the traumas that seem to plaugue us in our teens but look far beyond that which we are able to see at 13 to something much greater and far more powerful. God bless you!

nory

11/ 4/08 3:12pm

Dear Jacqui.

You must talk to your mum and tell her what is going on. You say you dont want to worry to her, can you imagine the effect of you doing something to yourself would have on her. She knows you better than you think, she must know things arent right with you. Please talk to her. I'm a mum, I would die if anything happened to my kids. Please allow your mum to help.

Teri Robert, Health Guide

11/ 5/08 10:19am

Dear Jaqui,

Life can be tough on us. I remember being your age and just wanting to hide somewhere. Other kids made fun of me because I was different. Now that we're adults, things have changed -- A LOT. Many of the popular kids grew up to be very unhappy adults, but I have a life I love. What I see now that I couldn't see then was that they made fun of me and put me down because they were nothing special on their own. They only felt special when part of that group of popular kids. Each of them, on their own, had little to offer. They got their power by being mean to others.

You ARE important. At your age, you have the opportunity to become and be anyone and anything you want.

I know you don't want to worry your mom. But take it from me, she's already worried. She will worry less if you tell her how you feel and let her get you the help you need. So, sit down with her. Tell her how you feel and that you want to see a therapist for help. OK?

Whatever you do, don't do anything to hurt yourself. I know it sounds like something any adult would say to you, but how you feel now is temporary. It can be fixed. So, talk to your mom and get help instead of doing something that can't be undone.

If you need to talk to someone in the meantime, call the Girls and Boys Town hotline at 1-800-448-3000 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. OK?

You can come back here and keep talking too. In fact, please DO post again and let us know how you're doing. Please?

Sending you a hug,

Teri

william jackson

5/ 3/09 1:38am

I recently have found myself in a similar position. Tell her that you have a friend that you are worried about and you need to talk about. or just tell a school nurse or any authority that you have something confidential (about someone else) that you need to discuss. As soon as you are in contact with a respectable psychologist, let them know the full story about yourself(I have lied to good a psychologist that i really liked, and have never been able to face them again after the lie; just say what you feel).

I almost killed my self

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