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Tue, October 20, 2009

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So I just joined this site... Kind of confused as to where I should post.

I have been suffering from Major Depressive Disorder probably since 1998. I have a history of anorexia..that's what got me into therapy in 1998. Some other Mental Health issues I have are Trichotillomania, Self Harm, Anxiety, Social Anxiety. I am actually not sure on my 'official diagnoses'.

But I definitely suffer from depression and some sort of anxiety.

I have been on so many types of medications, I don't think any of them have helped.

Since September, I have been restricting my food intake. I see a counselor right now... I don't think she is very good, but I dont have any other choice (I have public assistance insurance and it's been very hard finding drs that take my insurance).

I kind of have a history of just stopping medicine because I don't care anymore and because I have been on it so long that it isn't doing me any good. Sometimes, I think I am treatment/medication resistant...or my body is.

It seems like in August I was put on a Mood stabilizer (I don't have Bipolar, but I am aware of different medications helping for different disorders). It was Trileptal. I had some weird side effects or symptoms on that so I just stopped it, cold turkey. I know you're not supposed to do that. But i couldnt take any more of that. I think I have also recently been on Ritalin.. that made me too irritable. I've never heard of prescribing a stimulant for depression.

Basically, most recently, I took Geodon for i think... less than a week. It had horrible side effects and symptoms for me. So my nurse told me to just stop it. Which was odd, because I didnt wean myself off of it. Now for today. (10-20-09) I was given Invega.

I have no idea why they are giving me anti psychotic drugs. I asked what they were trying to treat, she said mood swings (ups/down), anger, SI, and she may have said anxiety. Well I have all that, but no mood swings...I am constantly down. Unfortunately, I have a hard time expressing myself (both verbally and written). So I wasnt able to say, "why not try an anti depressant" Or what I really want to say is, "What about Pristiq?" I have a feeling that my insurance won't cover that drug.

So I dont know. I see the nurse in a week, hopefully. If the Invega doesn't help. I hope I will be able to ask her about the Pristiq.

I have a lot of memory/forgetfulness. I know I don't have Alzheimer's (or at least I'm too young for that)... I think... But I took an online test for Alzheimer's just maybe to give an idea to some medical professionals... I have been unable to give that to them.

Currently, I have felt like I am in a brain fog. I having decreased alertness, and driving scares the heck out of me ... I still drive when I have to, but I've just been feeling so off that I don't think its a good idea to drive, but I have no other choice.

I have a lot of pain (back and neck pain). It seemed to have gotten worse just this past week. Nothing helps it. I have a lot of headaches.

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ANGEL

10/21/09 1:52am

MIRA NO TE DIGO QUE NO SUFRAS, QUE TE CALMES, QUE NO PASA NADA. YO TENGO 56 AÑOS DE TENER DEPRESION, ANSIEDAD, MIEDO ETC. PERO AGARRATE FUERTE DE LA VIDA RESPIRA MUY PROFUNDAMENTE Y EXHALA POCO A POCO.

ACTUALMENTE YO TOMO CLONACEPAM E IMIPRAMINA. 1 Y 1 AL DIA Y LA PASO BIEN, AUNQUE, HAY DIAS QUE SIENTO QUE ME LLEVA EL DIABLO. PERO DOY GRACIAS DE NO HABER NACIDO PARALITICO O DEFORME FISICAMENTE., O EN EL PEOR DE LOS CASOS QUE MI EPILEPCIA FUERA CON CONVULCIONES, SERIA TERRIBLE TU SABES UNOS UNA COSA OTROS OTRA NO?

ACUDE A TU MEDICO Y PRUEBA, LOS MEDICAMENTOS TIENEN QUE IR CAMBIANDO DE DOSIS Y DE FORMULA HASTA QUE ENCUENTRES EL TUYO.

ANIMO. TU AMIGO ANGEL.

Marishka

10/21/09 3:42am

Hi Strawberries,

Did you make that photo? Very nice if you did- you are talented. And articulate in your writing, not sure why you think you are not. I also have tried many many medications none of which worked except Ativan but I did not want to keep taking it because I was getting dependent on it. I tried all the same--Geodon, Trileptal, Abilify, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Zyprexa etc etc etc. All bad for people I think and since they did no good, why keep taking them. Some psychiatrists don't know what else to do I guess. There are a lot of other things to try though besides pharmaceutical medicines. The thing that has helped me most so far is a treatment program--partial hospitalization program that has cognitive behavioral group therapy mostly. It really helped me but they discharged me before I was better so I am looking for another one. Keep your spirits up- you are young and have many opportunities for getting help!

Glad to have you here,

Marishka

Strawberries

10/21/09 12:45pm

Hello,

thanks for your comment.

I did not make the photo. I really think it's fits for me right now.

Yeah I would love to do a partial hosp program and CBT. I can't afford that right now and no one takes my insurance.

Thanks for you support and advice.

psychoward1

10/21/09 4:42am

Horrible thing you are going thru, yet you stand up to it strongly. You are someone to idolize. We are with you and will do what we can to support you. After reading your story I would do everything I could to persuade you to see a different doctor. It is my opinion alone but if any doctor gave me that many different meds Id run as far from that place as quickly as possible. Again I am only going by what I read. Try to see a psychologist or psychiatrist for this if you can and get a formal diagnosis of your symptoms. Work with the doctor on "learning" what works and doesnt work. What side effects will subside. Take some responsibility for your own care and do your part to eat healthy, exercise your body and your mind. You have so many options. Dont get lost in the middle.

Pat

Strawberries

10/21/09 12:42pm

Thanks for your comment.

The current psychiatrist I see...I have seen him for about two years. So I haven't been with him very long. I think the records from my past psychiatrists got mixed up and never got to him. I don't know. I guess he just goes by from what I tell him. I really don't have a choice to find another psychiatrist or counselor.

thanks for you input, support and advice.

Merely Me

10/21/09 4:12pm

Hi there

First of all wanted to welcome you to the site and let you know that there are a lot of people here who can empathize with your story. It can be very hard to get good help and especially if you don't have any insurance options. Not sure if this will be helpful or not but I did write a post recently about how to get mental health treatment and/or medications for low or no cost.

It sounds like you are not sure about your diagnosis? I am wondering if you have had a good medical work up any time recently? I am a little concerned about the symptoms you are describing as well as your anorexia. Sometimes when our bodies are not feeling well...this can lead to depression. I am thinking that it would be good for you to see a general practitioner in addition to a therapist.

I do hope you will stay on with us and share more of your story. We will help you the best way we can by giving you support and information. I am glad you are reaching out here. Thank you for sharing.

Strawberries

10/21/09 8:13pm

Hello,

Thanks for the comment..Which symptoms are you concerned about? I do have insurance, just not very good. I will check you article out.

Yeah I am not sure about my diagnosis. I have had so many psych. evaluations done over the years, I dont know who to believe.

what do you mean by "medical work up"?

thanks for the comment and advice.