I haven't posted in a while - things have been a little better - but it never really stops. I just don't want to be here anymore. I even just graduated with my MSW - but i don't see how i could help anyone else feeling like this. I'm so tired. Never happy. Well, once - about a few months ago on cymbalta, until it stopped working for me after about 3 weeks. I can't even say how much I don't want to go on. My therapist gets really frustrated with me when I express this - says I have to make a life worth living. I'm trying. Even have a new relationship, which I guess is a good thing in my life - I just can't shake this - it feels so physical - I'm never ever happy - don't know what that would ever be like, and I don't think it's truly possible to achieve that. Life has been more than hard - so much stuff. Too much i think for one person. How do you just keep going??????
Does it ever let up?????
Hi Mara. I too am an MSW with chronic depression. I also ask myself how do I get through the dark times. The only answer I come up with is "one day at a time." Although at times it doesn't seem possible to get through another day I just keep going because there are things in my life that I hope to someday REALLY feel happy about.
Hang in there. Hope to see you post.
Hello, yeah antidepressants do stop working sometimes. And you are in NOOOOOOOOOOOOO condition to have a relationship with anyone! geez! Yes, friendships and turning to family you trust is important but most importantly you have to learn to be happy alone. I found this has helped me with depression so much!. I have been on cymbalta too and it is the only drug that has ever really made me happy but yeah it does lose its effect after awhile but for the most part it keeps me from harming myself or crying a lot. You need to keep yourself busy and use your depression to keep yourself motivated. I mean you only live once and sometime just not focussing on yourself and maybe helping other people in need would help. As for the energy, I have seem to have a lack of it so I am always trying to work on that bit. I have had depression for a long time now and am now in university getting a bachelor of science and am managing but never 100%. If you want to know some more tips on how I cope please ask me. Just be true to yourself and dont use things such as boyfriends or sex as temporary relief from your problems because it does not ever last.
Hello, Mara - After decades of dealing with exactly the feelings you describe, I can at least say that it is possible to turn things around, and there are many stories in blogs that relate how it can be done. Everyone is so different, of course, but I can say that what you're saying in this post is your depression talking, not you. You are more than that, though you may not believe it. That is the insidious thing about this condition - it literally wants to destroy you and have you abandon all belief in your own strengths. As one commenter said, you have achieved a lot in spite of this problem, and you can and will do more. I have found it quite powerful to think of depression as a trespasser in my life, a shadow side that I can kick right out of my soul. I agree with another comment that the only approach is day by day. What works today is great, but you may it differently tomorrow. That's why you need a lot of strategies, but most of all you need to change that inner voice that says you'll never be able to do much.
All my best -- John
Hello Mara:
Thanks for sharing ... Like you... it seems like IT does NOT ever end... tried CYMBALTA... but felt so tired... sick and depressed that I gave it up... also the doctor.
I hope you hang in there... and find something that helps...
I am new here... feel like I`m the only one like this... but your post made me realize I am not. Hugs... Breezy
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Hi Mara
I just hope you might see thru all the negetivity and pain that comes with depression what an incredibly amazing thing you have been able to pull off.....graduating. I have suffered with major depression since childhood myself and I have come to find that with this condition the brain plays an incredibly sadistic game with us. It takes anything remotely positive and stores it away somewhere forever without allowing us to ever consiously recognize it and enjoy it in even the smallest way. Sometimes someone on the outside looking in can help point these things out and maybe shine a tiny little light. I wanted to try to do that for you.
Thank you - that is so sweet. I appreciate it.
Mara