Jen,

I feel your pain, humiliation, loss...and so much more.  I have found that my successes in life have come from dealing effectively with huge losses.  My marriage, a pregnancy, a job, (yes, my grades), my income, my job, my dream home.  We as a society have come to value so many things.  Yet what we need to recognize that if we are fortunate to live a long life...and a woman's life expectancy is right around 85....that if we look back on this moment it is but a blip on the screen of our biography.  When we are in the loss, it feels huge and all consuming.  When we pass through the fire to get to the other side there is hope.  Hope to begin a new, hope to reface the obstacle, hope to go a different path, hope to know that most decisions can be changed or impacted.

At 40 years old I went to college for the first time.  College degrees in my home were utopic.  Despite my depression I was able to get through recognizing that a C was passing just as much as an A.  That when you get your degree while it's nice to boast of a 4.0, a 3.0 would get me the same degree and basic knowledge.  There's a saying "Act as if".  Rather than assuming that I knew how to study, I took a class on how to study so I could learn to be successful at college.  Oh I had classes Art classes where I got A's and Economic classes where I got D's, but it all came out in the wash.  The most important thing is that you take care of yourself and have realistic expectations of your own capabilities.  Work with a trusted friend to figure out what's blocking your success.  Are you sabotaging yourself, I myself am guilty of that from time to time.  Right now I have taken one exam twice and failed.  I get one more shot and I'm out of the program.  It does cause me to pause and take inventory of myself.  But if I recognize simple facts like -- I can do just about anything if I put my mind to it AND I can do just about anything if I can read and comprehend...then I have some great tools to work with to help me reach my goal.

Please recognize that if you have depression as I surmise you do because you are on this site.  It affects your concentration significantly.  While I made it through school, I have been unable to maintain employment because of my inability to concentrate and/or focus on detailed tasks.  I know that my chances increase if I a) take my medication b) eat right (avoid sugars & carbs) c) exercise daily d) get adequate sleep e) share my concerns with a friend.  All of these things impact my ability to concentrate, it seems a pain many times that I have to do those things daily, not overlooking any.  For me I have a legacy to leave, I am a role model for my kids.  That motivates me to dust myself off and start over.  You need to find what motivates you.  It could be as simple as you are taking too hard of classes, your time management skills suck and so you aren't able to set time aside to study...examine your daily living.  Write it down, log it for 2 weeks and you will see patterns in your behavior which you can tweak and improve, one baby step at a time.

I believe that you can succeed, but as everyone keeps telling me, first you have to want it and believe you deserve it!

Hang in there!!!!

j