I have moved to San Francisco recently--actually almost 2 months now. We moved from a 3,000ft home in San Diego to an 800ft flat, approximately. Your commentary resonated with me "Merely Me" because I reside with a very difficult person--my husband. I realized that he is: selfish, controling & has exhibited rage (anger) venting it on me throughout our marriage. I have not faced this in the past, but, simply made the best of my circumstances. I have, "lost myself" in this mode of response. I have lost my self-confidence, and my zest for life; I feel without "hope". There are many factors (choices) that led to this final outcome. I left my job to follow him to San Diego & take care of my Mother. My Mother has since passed away & my husband has been through 4 jobs. He pressured me to sell our home on the Peninsula of the Bay Area, & invest in 3 homes in San Diego--effectively leveraging us financially. I am risk adverse, but, was bulllied into it; I did not stand my ground. As a librarian/educator how could I "know" much about business as the Stanford MBA man?! Well, we are attempting to hold on, moving here to S.F. so that he can possibly find consulting work. (We owe somewhat over a million and three or four in house debts at this point. We cannot feel comfortable doing anything because that hangs over our heads.) His rages have destroyed me, I realize now. He does not listen to me at any point. Our communication is not good if it exists at all. I am a very communicative person who loves to enjoy life. The stress & worry about our situation tailgated me into depression. I reside in very close proximity with my husband, and without any close friends nearby. I have always resided in the suburbs so this type of living in the city does not represent a comfort zone. I think he wanted to do this so that he would not have to live in diminished circumstances in Silicon Valley, knowing people there. He shuts down readily if I try to broach any topic that he does not want to talk about. I am 66 years old & do not have any real pension from the state because I took it out when I was cut from jobs or had to move. I am not sure where to go from here. I am trying to get myself chemically balanced so that I can at least hold my own with him & function daily with some quality. I am in great physical shape for my age, love sports, love the outdoors, & especially love people. I want desperately to have some quality in my life at this point, and have some meaning to my life through whatever contributions I can make to society. I am so disappointed in my circumstances & how I have handled them. I have considerable educational background and life experience and, yet, I am at an impasse. Life is so short. I want to enjoy and bring happiness to others during this last phase. I guess, sadly, I was in denial regarding our relationship throughout the marriage. Now, when things are really tough, it is extremely difficult to get going. This husband of mine, although he promoted 2 1/2 million worth of house debt, is the same one who would not let me buy a baby seat for our car when we were taking home our newborn because of the "cost". Lately, he only purchased one windshield wiper because "he only need to see out the driver's side of the car" & the "wiper was an additional $25".  I know that I made a very poor decision regarding my job, being at the top of the pay scale for educators, and in a wonderful School District which I really loved--leaving it to move myself & my Mother & our household to San Diego. Choices of the past cannot be brought back. I am trying to feel my way now. My husband is not kind to me. It makes it very difficult for me to respond as would be normal for me; I do not feel good about our interaction. I do not want to place everything on him because that is not fair. I have not stood-up for myself when needed at crucial times. I do not know now how I could have been so much of a "wimp". What I did realize was that rages & explosions have played a big part in our marriage. I do not feel cherished, respected nor that my decisions or feelings mean anything. This area represents a very emotional setting, where I am dealing with someone who is not going to be necessarily receptive to me nor patient with me. I do not know if this is unusual but I do know that I allowed myself to get in a position that I said I would never allow, being a woman dependant on her husband rather than a contributor with an equal say in a healthy relationship. I am taking zoloft & seeing a psychiatrist for meds just recently. This is a medicinal assistance. However, I will need to help myself handle this situation. I do not want to isolate myself, and not enjoy life. I am very interested in your responses "Merely Me" & professionals & members. I am a competent person who wants to lead a productive life for my last years. Again, I am very disappointed in myself, that I allowed my life to take this turn. This is not a healthy situation. I would appreciate some commentary, although I recognize that the corrective actions will need to originate with me.