my therapist and doctor. They say how it is good to cry but during my sessions, I get teary-eyed but will not cry. I really believe a good cry would make me feel better, somewhat of a release, but I just shut the tears down. I've never liked crying in front of anybody but with this anxiety and depression, now I wish I could. I can feel my jaw tightening to help me hold back. I believe my therapist notices that as well as my neck muscles and she says she sees the pain in my face. My therapist takes me back to childhood when I would cry at nothing. My father would ask what I was crying about and I''d say "I don't know", then he would tell me he'd give me something to cry about, and I do remember stopping crying because I didn't want a spanking. I have a hard time showing any kind of emotion and a lifetime of having nearly no emotions has finally come to a head, with anxiety and depression. My parents seldom showed any emotion, never told us they loved us, but yet I felt we were a close family, just never talked about emotions or feelings. Does any of this make sense and how can I learn to cry? What is wrong with me?
Q: I need to learn to cry. Crying as a form of release has been the topic of discussion with
This is a really excellent topic for discussion and I do agree with a lot of what Paul has said below. Basically you have learned your whole life that crying is a bad thing. So this is something really hard to unlearn.
We cry for so many reasons...not just out of sadness but sometimes out of anger, out of frustration, and sometimes even due to joy. Crying isn't something you can just produce out of thin air unless you are acting and even then actor and actresses have to dig deep within themselves to produce tears.
I say go with what is natural to you. Not everyone cries a whole lot.
I had this problem in my therapy sessions as a young adult. I didn't cry in therapy maybe for an entire year or more. I would tell the saddest stories but robotically and sometimes I would even smile. It was hard for me to connect my feelings with my words. I think instead of focusing on the act of crying...perhaps try to feel whatever you truly feel...as you talk about your life...and as you experience things. I think a good goal would be to just to connect with your feelings whatever they may be.
Trust is also a factor here. You neeed to trust your therapist. You also need to trust yourself. I think some people feel that if they cry that they may never stop as the well of pain is so deep. You may be protecting yourself against that torrent of emotion.
Another idea is to watch a movie or read a book which may produce some emotion and see what happens. If you feel weird crying in front of others...watch the movie alone and just allow yourself to emote.
I am so glad you asked this question and I hope this helps some.
My father was quite good at saying what yours did, that if I didn't have a good reason to be crying, he would give me one. It wasn't too bad because he was quite fair in offering the same deal to all my brothers and sisters.
The thing is, it is just as okay to not cry as to cry. There is nothing wrong with you. A lot of people do feel a good cry is cathartic, some it just gives a headache, or a washed out feeling..., or whatever they feel.
We grow up in the family we are given, we are much a product of that. There is no need for you to try so hard to cry or not cry. It is not the only way to release our emotions. Exercise, a good book, a fine dinner, a good friend, laughter, talking as you are doing, and so much more can be called a foirm of crying. It is only one more emotion that some carry and use.
Don't give up, don't sell yourself short.
You seem like an excellent, unique and wonderful person. :) Ive never seen anyone write like you and I really enjoyed it. :) If you dont cry, it doesnt matter, im a recovering borderline schizophrenic, i cant cry either... Maybe Ill cry some day maybe i wont, the problem itself isnt in the crying, its how you regard yourself an what you think about yourself. Read up about self-esteem and self-worth and stuff, and maybe you will find your way to crying through that. Often its a subconscious feeling of weakness which is the cause of a person not being able to cry, thats how it is for me (i think) and for a friend ive talked to. One of the most remarkable things in the world must be the difference between love/selflove/fear and self-worth/feeling ridiculous about yourself... Its just like a button and you never go back. :) And dont push anyhting! for gods sake, that just makes it worse. :)
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